Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 27, 2020 at 01:59 PM

She Used To Be Mine

she sings like an angel and i relate to this song deep within my being. maybe i'll play it for you.

Lemoncake · Sep 27, 2020 at 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Meeting up with one of my old best friends from 3 years ago. We're going to my fave burger bar.

2.50 hours studied yesterday. 70 topics left to go through for the first time. It's long and it's slow and I'm trying hard not to compare myself with others and all that.

60 topics now left to get through for the first time and to make anki cards from. Total hours done for today is exactly 3 which has been is my usual amount with classes on top. Can't push myself to work hard just yet. Total hours for this month so far = 81.16.

Meeting up with R was also good. After lunch we walked to the shopping center looked at washing machines, clothing and make up. It felt exactly the same, but I still got tired out by the end.

susannahsays · Sep 27, 2020 at 10:52 PM

Lemoncake · Sep 28, 2020 at 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

60 topics now left to get through for the first time and to make anki cards from. Total hours done for today is exactly 3 which has been is my usual amount with classes on top. Can't push myself to work hard just yet. Total hours for this month so far = 81.16.

Meeting up with R was also good. After lunch we walked to the shopping center looked at washing machines, clothing and make up. It felt exactly the same, but I still got tired out by the end.

3 hours done this morning.

With possible new T. Half of me is in and the other half is already out. The idea of even a intro talk is freaking me out and making me nervous. I told him that I was looking for drop in sessions only and would get back to him again before my first exam in November if I felt like I needed extra support.

To be honest I'd rather spend my money on Lego then even more therapy.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 28, 2020 at 11:13 AM

Please don't read more into it than is there, it just touches me deeply and hits all the stupid feels... it's a damn good song.

ArtieTheSequal · 01:29 PM

I wish we were meeting today instead of wednesday. also you're wrong btw. i am too dependent on you.

eta: ... then again maybe I'm not, since I ended up not needing you to witness what I'd wanted to tell you last week. yeah I'm pretty much of the opinion now that you don't really know what to do with me anymore and that's why you answered those 2 questions so fast. You probably figured your real thoughts would hurt my feelings. They probably would have. Silly sensitive me.

Just tell me the damn truth anyway. Okay?

And by the way yes, I did take it as a criticism when you said that thing about me 'dragging this out' earlier in the month. How could I take it as anything but?! And how come we couldn't talk about that?!

LonesomeTonight · Sep 28, 2020 at 02:15 PM

Dear T,
This is so dumb, but I'm thinking about your "Bye now" at the end of session and worry that you think I was extending our parting words too much, so it was like, "OK, time to go away now, LT." But you were smiling when you said it, so I'm sure it's nothing. I wish I could just shut off that part of my brain that worried about those things...
Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Sep 28, 2020 at 04:01 PM

Dear T,
So Covid fear is making me feel less worried about offending people. Having a beer outside at restaurant, patron asked about smoking, I asked to move to table further away, as it sounds like they’re unsure if secondhand smoke can increase spread. So I spoke up and waiter was really nice about it and moved me. Progress, right?
Love,
LT

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 28, 2020 at 04:06 PM

getting to this point 0-60 now huh L. yeesh.

Elio · Sep 28, 2020 at 07:43 PM

so I chickened out on directly asking you... I think you know I'm headed that direction. This is very hard.

daisydid · Sep 28, 2020 at 08:00 PM

I’m going to miss you, A, but it doesn’t hurt. I think it’s okay to be sad about our relationship ending, because it’s at an end. Endings are so final and sad. I’m not being very eloquent about this. I wonder how I’ll feel when I see you tomorrow.

Quietmind 2 · Sep 28, 2020 at 11:49 PM

T, i want you to say kind and loving stuff more often, not ask me to remember past words. I need top ups.

jrae · Sep 29, 2020 at 01:21 AM

did you really mean it when you said you care about me?!? or is that just something that t's throw out there all the time, in an almost meaningless & generic sense???
[not implying i'm special (or something) at all]

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 29, 2020 at 07:48 AM

another poster here got me thinking about the different unmet needs i have that i get met from being in this therapy relationship with you. this song i've been listening to a lot lately really pinpoints just the overallness of it... you know... i use you for too much, it's true, i'm too dependent on you, too needy of you, just too... too much. but i'm a grownup and should be able to meet those needs within myself. please don't just try to normalize this. i don't care if it's quote a normal thing to happen. i want it to stop. i don't want to need you like this.

...and i also am not at all comfortable with how fast you said 'no' when I asked if you thought i was too dependent on you. like you were lying or just trying to say what you thought i wanted to hear or like you just said it because it was what you were "supposed" to say or something.

Mountaindewed · Sep 29, 2020 at 11:27 AM

I hope you are not in a bad mood today. I’m in a pretty good mood so if you start the session off immediately being crabby I’m gonna be a bit confused. Last week you didn’t really seem to want to be there which I can understand since it was in person.

Mountaindewed · Sep 29, 2020 at 03:36 PM

You were in such a good mood today you even sent an email afterwards apologizing for something that wasn’t such a big of a deal that it needed to be talked about immediately or in an email. I swear to god I sometimes think you are on this site.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 29, 2020 at 04:12 PM

L, please be on your A game tomorrow, oh dear one.

susannahsays · Sep 30, 2020 at 12:17 AM

My thoughts keep veering into painful territory tonight.

atisketatasket · Sep 30, 2020 at 12:38 AM

Dear Info,

If you think I don’t have agency, what must your other clients be like?

ATAT

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 30, 2020 at 01:24 PM

Thanks for the reminder text, L. You and your bitmoji are so hip

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,234 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,762 hugs given	Sep 27, 2020 at 01:59 PM #961 She Used To Be Mine she sings like an angel and i relate to this song deep within my being. maybe i'll play it for you.

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Sep 27, 2020 at 10:52 PM #963 __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,234 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,762 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 11:13 AM #965 Please don't read more into it than is there, it just touches me deeply and hits all the stupid feels... it's a damn good song.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 02:15 PM #967 Dear T, This is so dumb, but I'm thinking about your "Bye now" at the end of session and worry that you think I was extending our parting words too much, so it was like, "OK, time to go away now, LT." But you were smiling when you said it, so I'm sure it's nothing. I wish I could just shut off that part of my brain that worried about those things... Love, LT

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 04:01 PM #968 Dear T, So Covid fear is making me feel less worried about offending people. Having a beer outside at restaurant, patron asked about smoking, I asked to move to table further away, as it sounds like they’re unsure if secondhand smoke can increase spread. So I spoke up and waiter was really nice about it and moved me. Progress, right? Love, LT

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,234 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,762 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 04:06 PM #969 getting to this point 0-60 now huh L. yeesh.

Elio ............... Member Since Sep 2006 Location: in my head Posts: 2,911 17 8,779 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 07:43 PM #970 so I chickened out on directly asking you... I think you know I'm headed that direction. This is very hard.

daisydid Member Member Since Oct 2018 Location: the astral plane Posts: 493 5 375 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 08:00 PM #971 I’m going to miss you, A, but it doesn’t hurt. I think it’s okay to be sad about our relationship ending, because it’s at an end. Endings are so final and sad. I’m not being very eloquent about this. I wonder how I’ll feel when I see you tomorrow.

Quietmind 2 Poohbah Member Since Jan 2020 Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave Posts: 1,243 4 8 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 11:49 PM #972 T, i want you to say kind and loving stuff more often, not ask me to remember past words. I need top ups.

jrae Grand Member Member Since Jun 2008 Location: WYLTK Posts: 763 15 410 hugs given	Sep 29, 2020 at 01:21 AM #973 did you really mean it when you said you care about me?!? or is that just something that t's throw out there all the time, in an almost meaningless & generic sense??? [not implying i'm special (or something) at all]

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,181 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,762 hugs given	Sep 29, 2020 at 11:27 AM #975 I hope you are not in a bad mood today. I’m in a pretty good mood so if you start the session off immediately being crabby I’m gonna be a bit confused. Last week you didn’t really seem to want to be there which I can understand since it was in person. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,181 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,762 hugs given	Sep 29, 2020 at 03:36 PM #976 You were in such a good mood today you even sent an email afterwards apologizing for something that wasn’t such a big of a deal that it needed to be talked about immediately or in an email. I swear to god I sometimes think you are on this site. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,234 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,762 hugs given	Sep 29, 2020 at 04:12 PM #977 L, please be on your A game tomorrow, oh dear one.

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Sep 30, 2020 at 12:17 AM #978 My thoughts keep veering into painful territory tonight. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,148 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Sep 30, 2020 at 12:38 AM #979 Dear Info, If you think I don’t have agency, what must your other clients be like? ATAT

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,234 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,762 hugs given	Sep 30, 2020 at 01:24 PM #980 Thanks for the reminder text, L. You and your bitmoji are so hip