Do Ts piss you off on purpose?

MissUdy · Jul 01, 2020 at 08:11 PM

It’s too complicated to explain but I’m pretty sure my T just dropped the ball and tried to make me sad/annoyed on purpose. I know about projection, transference etc and it’s happened before, but this feels so much different. Like we were super close and working well together (I thought) and this week it’s like he’s decided to pull away from me for no reason. How can I trust someone like that. Like it’s all a big game. Feel a bit heart broken and want to give up.

Omers · Jul 01, 2020 at 09:29 PM

My T would never intentionally do something to piss me off. Sometimes though while I am still emotional it really does seem as it may have been intentional.

stopdog · Jul 01, 2020 at 09:36 PM

I believe they do as a manipulation.

susannahsays · Jul 01, 2020 at 10:17 PM

Sometimes I do things to piss her off on purpose so I wouldn't rule anything out.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:47 AM

My T has admitted multiple times that he says things that he knows might upset me on purpose sometimes. It feels horrible in the moment, but I'd say some of those situations were I learned the most from my T.

Lemoncake · Jul 02, 2020 at 04:42 AM

I am/ used to be the one who deliberately pushed him, It's not something I would accept from a T though.

MissUdy · Jul 02, 2020 at 04:46 AM

Ok thanks. I don’t understand what the point of it is, enough conflict comes up naturally. To force it is obvious and cruel. I’m afraid I have massively over estimated my relationship with him.

treloarbabe · Jul 02, 2020 at 05:07 AM

I think there can be points where if we are not careful, a T can think they rule the roost and are better than us. Just as we try to accept challenge from a T, so a T should try to accept challenge from us. T's are human who regularly f***ck up just like us and they should be willing to put up with criticism and be held accountable for their actions and the role they play in sometimes escalating our distress. Stand your ground!

nottrustin · Jul 02, 2020 at 06:26 AM

I don't think in general they intentionally to just because they want to make a clientt angry just for the sake of being a jerk. I do think it is possible they will push a person on a topic they are discussing (abuse, etc.) when anger is appropriate so it may lead the client to be angry. Of course there is always the exceptions.

comrademoomoo · Jul 02, 2020 at 06:32 AM

Mine certainly does it effortlessly.

SlumberKitty · Jul 02, 2020 at 11:08 AM

I don't think any of my T's have done this on purpose.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 02, 2020 at 12:49 PM

Mine has and I called him on it afterward. We still talk about that day frequently and he admits that he made a mistake and learned a lot from it. It has become a bit of a running joke in therapy now and it somehow made our relationship better. If you think your T is trying to piss you off, I would recommend bringing it up in therapy....it could be valuable to both of you.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 02, 2020 at 01:40 PM

I have asked her that before and she's always denied it. I'm still not sure I believe her though. I swear she just did it on purpose again yesterday.

Lostislost · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:06 PM

Yeah mine always denies it. He refuses to talk about transference from his side at all, like won't even bring something really obvious up. I know it's not all me all of the time.

Rive. · Jul 02, 2020 at 03:21 PM

I think there is a difference in a T pissing you off on purpose vs. a T telling you an uncomfortable 'truth' that you are not ready to face and which pisses you off as a result.

*Beth* · 07:52 PM

I believe that some do, sometimes. And if they do it is to provide them with information, and to provoke our growth (hopefully).

susannahsays · Jul 02, 2020 at 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rive.

I think there is a difference in a T pissing you off on purpose vs. a T telling you an uncomfortable 'truth' that you are not ready to face and which pisses you off as a result.

Well yes and that doesn't exclude the possibility of a therapist acting out at the client and pissing them off for reasons of their own. Sometimes people show "tough love" and tell hard "truths" not out of a genuine wish to be helpful but because they have some sort of feelings toward the person that are vented by seeing the person upset. Not always, of course, but it's not unusual.

MissUdy · Jul 02, 2020 at 06:12 PM

Thanks, It’s nice to read that most of your Ts are not messing you around. I think I just need to give up trying to figure it all out.

Mountaindewed · Jul 02, 2020 at 07:15 PM

One time my T sent an email after another one that just said “sorry if that last one sounded mean.” Sometimes I find her behavior and attitude a bit odd. She mentioned having some sort of mental illness awhile ago and has talked about being an angry and mean person but not towards clients. Although I have seen subtle signs of it since I can read people very well. She’s helped a lot though so I try for the most part to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s pissed me off but I don’t think she’s trying to do it on purpose.

nottrustin · Jul 02, 2020 at 08:55 PM

I asked one of my coworkers today of Ts will do this. Je told me on occasion if he has developed a good report with the client and has plenty of time to bri ng them through the tuner of anger. He said it is part of motivational interviewing to break down the defences to fer to whatever the client is avoiding. However they need to have time in the same appointment to work through the anger at him.

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Do Ts piss you off on purpose?

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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Jul 01, 2020 at 09:29 PM #2 My T would never intentionally do something to piss me off. Sometimes though while I am still emotional it really does seem as it may have been intentional. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,723 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Jul 01, 2020 at 09:36 PM #3 I believe they do as a manipulation. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 01, 2020 at 10:17 PM #4 Sometimes I do things to piss her off on purpose so I wouldn't rule anything out. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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ChickenNoodleSoup Grand Poohbah Member Since Apr 2017 Location: In a land far far away Posts: 1,574 7 1,304 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 02:47 AM #5 My T has admitted multiple times that he says things that he knows might upset me on purpose sometimes. It feels horrible in the moment, but I'd say some of those situations were I learned the most from my T.
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 04:42 AM #6 I am/ used to be the one who deliberately pushed him, It's not something I would accept from a T though. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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MissUdy Member Member Since Mar 2020 Location: Wales Posts: 197 4 269 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 04:46 AM #7 Ok thanks. I don’t understand what the point of it is, enough conflict comes up naturally. To force it is obvious and cruel. I’m afraid I have massively over estimated my relationship with him.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 06:26 AM #9 I don't think in general they intentionally to just because they want to make a clientt angry just for the sake of being a jerk. I do think it is possible they will push a person on a topic they are discussing (abuse, etc.) when anger is appropriate so it may lead the client to be angry. Of course there is always the exceptions. __________________
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Jul 02, 2020 at 06:32 AM #10 Mine certainly does it effortlessly.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 11:08 AM #11 I don't think any of my T's have done this on purpose. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,219 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 01:40 PM #13 I have asked her that before and she's always denied it. I'm still not sure I believe her though. I swear she just did it on purpose again yesterday.
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Lostislost Veteran Member Member Since May 2020 Location: Uk Posts: 557 3 890 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 02:06 PM #14 Yeah mine always denies it. He refuses to talk about transference from his side at all, like won't even bring something really obvious up. I know it's not all me all of the time.
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	Jul 02, 2020 at 03:21 PM #15 I think there is a difference in a T pissing you off on purpose vs. a T telling you an uncomfortable 'truth' that you are not ready to face and which pisses you off as a result.
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 04:18 PM #16 I believe that some do, sometimes. And if they do it is to provide them with information, and to provoke our growth (hopefully). __________________ Last edited by Beth; Jul 02, 2020 at 07:52 PM..
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MissUdy Member Member Since Mar 2020 Location: Wales Posts: 197 4 269 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 06:12 PM #18 Thanks, It’s nice to read that most of your Ts are not messing you around. I think I just need to give up trying to figure it all out.
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