Does your T ever admit their mistake?

seeker33 · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:26 PM

I wonder if your T has ever admitted making a mistake. Mine will never do it. I believe it's her life philosophy. She will change her behaviour not to make the same mistake again, but she will never admit anything by words.

Lostislost · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:33 PM

I don't think so. He said he's sorry his behaviour has hurt me, but that's not the same as being sorry for doing it. They love to think we are the problem and it's all transference....at least if he told me he was having a **** week I would understand when he's a bit off in session. But it's always my fault apparently.

Omers · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:34 PM

My T has not for our most recent troubles but he has every other time.

CharlieStarDust · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:39 PM

Mine has. A couple of years ago we had quite a big rupture, and I was ready to walk away. She asked me to come in so we can attempt a repair. When I listed all the issues, she took a moment and said: you’re right. I did do that. I’m sorry - I apologize for that. It felt sincere. She went on to explain why she did what she did and how she thought she had my best interest in mind.

ArtleyWilkins · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:47 PM

Sure. He never claimed to be infallible and was always willing to hear me out and own his errors. The fact that your therapist makes changes in her behavior is important; don't discount it. As the old adage says: actions speak louder than words. I'd much rather have a therapist who listened and made changes than one who just made apologies but never made changes. Sometimes you have to accept that is how a person works and not get too hung up on words. Sure, it would be nice to have both I suppose, but the real telling is not in the telling; it's in the actions.

*Beth* · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:53 PM

Yes. She has apologized to me a number of times over our 2 years of therapy. She'll say something like, "I'm sorry; that mistake was on me." I appreciate when she apologizes when the issue that came up (lateness, for example) really is her mistake.

What she doesn't apologize for is forgetting details, but it's clear that she has no idea she's forgotten them.

NP_Complete · Jul 02, 2020 at 02:55 PM

Yes, he has. I found it kind of refreshing that he was willing to admit when he was wrong without being defensive about it.

susannahsays · Jul 02, 2020 at 03:06 PM

Yes. Sometimes she has done the half assed type of apology you describe, but I explained to her why that bothered me and she has been much better about it. I don't think it occurred to her that she was apologizing for how I feel instead of a mistake on her part, which is actually kind of passive aggressive. But yeah, she doesn't have a problem owning up to making a mistake and apologizing for it.

Rive. · Jul 02, 2020 at 03:20 PM

Yes, my T has apologised for messing up.

I would not paint all Ts with the same brush.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 02, 2020 at 03:22 PM

Yup. I struggled with putting him on a pedestal for a long time so he freely admits his faults and shortcomings. He will own up to his mistakes when he makes them and learns from them. Apparently he is just as human as the rest of us. :P

Lonelyinmyheart · Jul 02, 2020 at 03:55 PM

Yes she does every time, not that she makes mistakes often, but is very willing to own her part in any upset I feel.

elisewin · Jul 02, 2020 at 04:10 PM

Usually she did, but occationally not. But then again on few occations it is unclear if it was a mistake on her part or just difference of opinion. Sometimes she got a bit defensive on these occations, rather small stuff actually. But few times when it really counted, she owed her part and apologized too.

Mopey · Jul 02, 2020 at 04:30 PM

I've been out of therapy for a number of years now, Seeker, but when I was going to my last and best one she would not hesitate to apologize if she thought she had made a misstep. It was something I valued about her.

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 02, 2020 at 05:10 PM

Yes. She always takes responsibility for her role in our relationship. And she never simply says "I'm sorry". It's a full on apology.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 02, 2020 at 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Sure. He never claimed to be infallible and was always willing to hear me out and own his errors. The fact that your therapist makes changes in her behavior is important; don't discount it. As the old adage says: actions speak louder than words. I'd much rather have a therapist who listened and made changes than one who just made apologies but never made changes. Sometimes you have to accept that is how a person works and not get too hung up on words. Sure, it would be nice to have both I suppose, but the real telling is not in the telling; it's in the actions.

I agree with what you say about actions. Mine has admitted mistakes and apologized, though sometimes he's stood by or defended what he said/did. But he's also shifted in his approach to me over time. He's seemed to become more...gentle is the word that comes to mind.

But he's also done some very specific actions. We had a big conflict about a year ago when I said I wished he'd stand when I left, and he said it felt like I was trying to control him. And then, a bit after that, he just suddenly started standing and opening the door at the end before shaking my hand. The couple times he forgot, he'd jump up and immediately apologize. That meant a lot to me. (Though now we're doing video sessions, but still...).

nottrustin · Jul 02, 2020 at 05:50 PM

Yes every time. She never intentionally hurts me but a couple of times she has said something that has hurt. The way I interpreted what she said, was not her intention. She always apologizes multiple times for not explaining herself correctly and explains what she meant.

Once she recognized at the end of an appointment she had handled it all wrong and apologized. It wasn't enough because I needed her to hear what things hurt me. She not only apologized but told me that anytime she messes up or I get hurt, she wants me to tell her.

She will apologize if she forgets details probably in part because she one forgot something huge and I was upset and told her

She will also also apologize over trivial things even though I tell her it is nothing just something that I noticed

Mountaindewed · Jul 02, 2020 at 07:10 PM

She has said she’s sorry if she has hurt my feelings. I’m not sure that’s the same as admitting she was in the wrong. There was only one time where I really legit felt like she did something wrong and she just explained her reasoning for doing it.

Fuzzybear · Jul 06, 2020 at 03:12 PM

Basically, no.

comrademoomoo · Jul 06, 2020 at 03:20 PM

Yes, she does. My sticking point is that I want her to apologise for every misadventure we encounter and sometimes I want her to apologise for her existence. I am a $hit.

stopdog · Jul 06, 2020 at 04:27 PM

The first woman was a defensive gas lighter. The second apologized a couple of times.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Does your T ever admit their mistake?

My Support Forums

seeker33 Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: Europe Posts: 1,417 6 1,603 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 02:26 PM #1 I wonder if your T has ever admitted making a mistake. Mine will never do it. I believe it's her life philosophy. She will change her behaviour not to make the same mistake again, but she will never admit anything by words. __________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism
	Reply With Quote

Lostislost Veteran Member Member Since May 2020 Location: Uk Posts: 557 3 890 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 02:33 PM #2 I don't think so. He said he's sorry his behaviour has hurt me, but that's not the same as being sorry for doing it. They love to think we are the problem and it's all transference....at least if he told me he was having a **** week I would understand when he's a bit off in session. But it's always my fault apparently.
	Reply With Quote

Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 02:34 PM #3 My T has not for our most recent troubles but he has every other time. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
	Reply With Quote

NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,804 7 6,349 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 02:55 PM #7 Yes, he has. I found it kind of refreshing that he was willing to admit when he was wrong without being defensive about it.
	Reply With Quote

Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	Jul 02, 2020 at 03:20 PM #9 Yes, my T has apologised for messing up. I would not paint all Ts with the same brush.
	Reply With Quote

kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 03:22 PM #10 Yup. I struggled with putting him on a pedestal for a long time so he freely admits his faults and shortcomings. He will own up to his mistakes when he makes them and learns from them. Apparently he is just as human as the rest of us. :P
	Reply With Quote

Lonelyinmyheart Poohbah Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 1,093 4 1,732 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 03:55 PM #11 Yes she does every time, not that she makes mistakes often, but is very willing to own her part in any upset I feel.
	Reply With Quote

elisewin Veteran Member Member Since May 2017 Location: Earth Posts: 507 6 89 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 04:10 PM #12 Usually she did, but occationally not. But then again on few occations it is unclear if it was a mistake on her part or just difference of opinion. Sometimes she got a bit defensive on these occations, rather small stuff actually. But few times when it really counted, she owed her part and apologized too.
	Reply With Quote

Mopey Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: California Posts: 2,025 5 1,520 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 04:30 PM #13 I've been out of therapy for a number of years now, Seeker, but when I was going to my last and best one she would not hesitate to apologize if she thought she had made a misstep. It was something I valued about her. __________________
	Reply With Quote

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,405 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,397 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 05:10 PM #14 Yes. She always takes responsibility for her role in our relationship. And she never simply says "I'm sorry". It's a full on apology. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
	Reply With Quote

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,113 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,736 hugs given	Jul 02, 2020 at 07:10 PM #17 She has said she’s sorry if she has hurt my feelings. I’m not sure that’s the same as admitting she was in the wrong. There was only one time where I really legit felt like she did something wrong and she just explained her reasoning for doing it. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
	Reply With Quote

Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jul 06, 2020 at 03:12 PM #18 Basically, no. __________________
	Reply With Quote

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Jul 06, 2020 at 03:20 PM #19 Yes, she does. My sticking point is that I want her to apologise for every misadventure we encounter and sometimes I want her to apologise for her existence. I am a $hit.
	Reply With Quote

stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,722 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Jul 06, 2020 at 04:27 PM #20 The first woman was a defensive gas lighter. The second apologized a couple of times. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
	Reply With Quote