Couch 217: The Order of the Phoenix couch

I think he's realizing that the whole denial thing may hurt his reelection chances. (I'd like to think it's about protecting human lives, but I have trouble believing that...)

I feel your pain. I love cats but my asthma doesn't. 15 minutes in a home that has a cat and I start wheezing. Cats have landed me in the emergency room multiple times.

We actually had a couple of cats for several years back in my 20s. I didn't have cat allergy problems with them (although I had when I was a child). Then I got pregnant and the pregnancy changed my allergy profile. That was the first time I landed in the ER with asthma. An allergist explained that apparently, about 50% of women with allergies will have an allergy change when they get pregnant. Of that 50%, half of those will actually get better; the other half will get worse. And the bad news is they find that delivery doesn't reverse the process. I was one of those apparently. We eventually re-homed our cats. My parents had a cat for a time also, and every time I went to visit, I ended up in the ER. Rescue inhalers did not work for the severity of the reaction. Doctor finally have me steroids to start as soon as I walked in the door (actually, he said, "Kill the cat" first, LOL), but that's not a long-term solution (and not something they even really like to do regularly short-term).

I'm now on asthma meds every day of the year to keep it under control. Mostly it works, but I avoid cats. Two of my kids have cats, and we rarely go over to their apartments because I just can't be there very long without getting sick.

@@ - cupcake wrappers??

Artley, that's interesting about pregnancy and allergies. I had dust mite allergies (confirmed by scratch test) before I got pregnant with my D, but they seem to have mostly gone away. My allergies are mostly seasonal now (plus some floral fragrances that are in perfumes, candles, etc.).

I really liked the taste of paper.

It was interesting information. The allergies that give me the most trouble now are grasses, trees, pollens, dust, mold. All those things that you really can't control. I can distance myself from cats and cigarettes, etc. I live in a really awful part of the country for pollen allergies, so it's a daily battle.

Had a quite insightful zoom session with L a little bit ago. i was all keyed up when we first started, couldn't sit still, she said something about me coming in and doing a couple of sand trays, and I was like dude, i can't, covid remember?! I was only intending to have one maybe 2 sessions to calm me the f down about covid and now we're getting deeeeeep and approaching that which made me run away last time. i feel it. the need to flee. damn. oh and i also got a lecture about mood and diet. Thanks, mom.

covid needs to go the hell away and i need start working again in earnest on finding a new t that takes my insurance. I really need to stop TALKING about what I need to do and start ****ing DOING it.

Love it when my old therapist pops in on my Facebook page to touch base. We have these coded conversations that are sort of inside jokes for us that will probably confuse anyone who bothers to read them. I haven't been in therapy with him for coming on 9 years now, and we still can communicate worlds in very short bytes. LOL!

That's cool, Artley.

We used to have to keep my sibling from just eating the cupcake wrappers when he was very little.

I've been playing this online game where you can join an alliance. I chose to join an alliance for LGBTQ+ that was open to allies because I wanted an inclusive space to play. A lot of players have left the alliance since I started and suddenly I find myself the leader of the alliance. As a straight woman that doesn't feel quite right to me. I've tried asking if someone else wants to be leader, but no response so far. Maybe no one cares and they just want to play the game. Maybe I should give the role to someone else anyway. Doesn't seem like a "real" problem, but it's bugging me.

So it said on PBS that manatees arent fat, they are just round.

Thats my story and im sticking to it!

Session with R today after I had skipped three. (The first two I had told him that I couldn't attend and had shown him the letter that my building wouldn't have electricity for two days between 8am-3pm. on my normal session days, but I didn't reschedule). He had said previously that I called him if I wanted the session if not then didn't.

"It's over, it's finished"

"We had some good times and that's that."

I said I thought I had a choice if I wanted to come or not what if I couldn't have afforded to come every week.

"I don't care you've really done it. Pushed it too far."

"That it was pointless I was wasting his time"

"The fact is that I'm going away for my summer break and this is your attempt to say I'll show you."

I said he could leave the session- we were sitting in silence this was interpreted as "my dominance ordering him out and that I had to have the final word".

I told him he was so focused on my anger that he forgot shame. That I didn't feel like I could face him because I was jealous of his family and I was ashamed of being so weak in this need for him.

He said I had two more sessions before his break and we could end things on a positive and that he hoped to see me.

Oh, lemoncake you are so very clever. Its not lions and tigers and bears that are so scary, its anger and shame and need. And in our respective native cultures, boy are the three intertwined.

I needed a glass of water and a hug (goodnight).

You must be very special.

Lemon-this guy has always sounded like a jerk to me. Maybe you can find one who is less of a jerk now

I paid him for the missed session this week and today's session (not last week as I already told him I would be missing). I'm done with therapy for now.

I jinxed myself.

Waiting for Saturday when I can take Esther to the vet, I can see my T, and get my eye appointment done. Saturday is going to be busy, but I'm looking forward to all of it.