Learning to trust

I’ve been seeing my T for about 2 years now and I’m still struggling to trust her. I’m mostly open with her now but I can’t seem to become emotional and cry. I’ve mulled over it over and over again. I know she’s trustworthy and she’ll probably handle things effectively, but I don’t know what to actually expect if I were to cry. I know that this is something that I need to get past in order to make some more progress, but it’s so hard. I don’t even know how I would want her to react because it’s such a foreign thing for me to cry in front of someone.

Anyone else out there in a similar situation or has been in a similar situation? How’d it work out? How’d the T react?

Is crying something that is difficult for you in general?
It is for me and all I can say is that I wish I had been able to cry more freely throughout my life as it is really a wonderful release and NO it doesn't make you weak.
Then again, there is no mandate to cry in therapy, so do not beat yourself up about it.
I think if you work on the trust, and you confide in her the tears will come naturally, let them if this happens. (I used to have this fear that it meant I would lose complete control over Everything---now I know where that came from and that it is NOT TRUE)
Most likely, she would sit with you, provide tissues and wait till you are able to talk about what happened. Best of luck!

YES. I am in the same boat. I spent 10 years with one T and almost 3 with my current one. It has always been an issue for me. It is something we are really working on. We have identified that it was an effective coping skill for me for so long in order to protect myself but is no longer serving me well. Part of the work we are currently doing is to be able to actually feel emotions in my body, something I have never done. I have cried a few times with both my Ts. Normally it is when we hit a really sensitive spot and I have to be able to make the concious decision that I am in a safe place to cry.

It is very much a work in progress.

Crying in front of others is very hard for me. I didn’t cry with other T’s but I have cried a few times with current T. Current T looks away and takes the pressure off when I start crying. I have confronted him about it because it feels like disapproval and he has listened, hasn’t argued but hasn’t changed his behavior either... but I have to admit that his looking away may be why it feels safer and safer to cry with him.

I can't help but cry. It just happens, even when I very much don't want it to. When I've cried, my therapist is only compassionate. Sometimes she asks me what is making me cry.

Crying is hard no matter where I am, and letting myself feel the emotions that are inside is like playing with something dangerous. Yet I know that not letting the tears flow, isn't helping, but it feels better to hide them. In the video sessions, it's just weird. I'm sitting in my room, crying and having someone watch me, and it's a little creepy.

If you haven't done so already, please bring it up to her. It has become is something that you could work on together.

Yeah so crying in general for me is difficult. I’ve maybe cried in front of 1 person since the age of 5 (ish). I don’t really know what my fear around it is. Like I know that therapy is a safe space and I really do like my T. I just don’t seem to want her to see me hurt, it seems so raw.
I know I don’t need to cry in therapy, but after a lot of thought, I think it would be beneficial to progress to be able to get in touch with my emotions in front of someone. I just, can’t.

Crying in front of people has always been extremely hard for me. I grew up thinking that I always had to be in control of myself no matter what. I even thought people who cried should control themselves better. It took years for me to realise that actually I was jealous of people who could cry and I wanted to cry in T's presence. It took me years but when I eventually did cry with T it wasn't the explosion of sobs I'd anticipated, just a few tears. T responded with gentle compassion and this helped me open up more. However, it remains very difficult for because I am naturally a reserved and composed person. It took me a year and a half before I cried with the T I saw some years after the first one. It has only taken months with current T though, so I've got better.

T's should react with compassion and if they don't they are in the wrong job! But every T is different in terms of how much they may comment on your tears, whether they hand you the tissue box or not, whether they sit in silence or continue to engage with you while you're crying.

I strongly suggest talking to your T about your worries re crying so you know how she is likely to react and this may make you feel safer about it.

The worst thing about therapy at the beginning was that I couldn’t feel my own feelings so it was hard to get started. I didn’t choose to cry or not cry, it just happened. I prefer being able to cry if I need to now, rather than just sitting there being full of sadness or anger like I’m about to pop. The only bad thing is I’m not very easy to understand on a normal day, so when I cry he has no idea what I’m saying sometimes.

After being subjected to Gang Stalking, Electronic Harassment, and group gaslighting campaigns by my immediate environment and avoiding set up attempts its hard to trust anybody, as they will view you as paranoid or delusional anyway as they ( the inhabitance of my local environment) have already made their minds up anyhow!

So you're basically just left with the emotional triggering and trauma boned to your experiences of being a real TI as people won't see that they will see a Schizophrenic.