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Grand Magnate
nottrustin
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#1
In my appointment yesterday T and I were discussing my biological father who abandoned us when I was a young teen. This has caused me to always believe I am not good enough and have abandonment issues. Yesterday I again questioned why I was not good enough and since he is deceased never having the chance to be.
T replied that if anything my dad wasn't good enough. I am an amazing and beautiful person. That he was the one with all the problems and he was the person that missed out by choosing to not have me in my life. Also, that there is nothing a child can do to cause a parent to alienate them All children deserve the love of parents. The fact he couldn't recognize that I deserved him in my life just proves he had issues that we will never know about. Part of me feels some comfort in that but at the same time part of me wants to push her away. What if she really figures out the real me and also leaves. So has anybody ever experienced something like this and how did it play out? __________________ Last edited by nottrustin; Jul 08, 2020 at 02:51 PM.. |
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Grand Magnate
Omers
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#2
Yes, my T says similar things often. He waited until we had a really strong relationship before trying it and it was less direct at first. At this point in our work I have come to trust him enough to believe him most of the time when he says things like that. I usually find it comforting and slowly healing. I have also learned that if I need to hear something from him I can ask him for it. I ask in general terms so that it is his wording. He has told me once that he couldn’t say what I wanted to hear but offered to tell me what he did feel OK saying... it worked out really well. But it takes time and lots of trust.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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MissUdy
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#3
Yes I have experienced this. The overall message I get from my T is that as a child, how people treat you can’t be your fault. The adults that failed us failed themselves by not dealing with their issues and passing them on to us in various ways.
We all have the capacity to be a horrible ugly person, or an amazing beautiful person. I believe it’s our choice which to be at any time. You are good enough and you didn’t deserve to be abandoned. I don’t feel like your therapist would abandon you even if she saw the darkest parts of you, my T has been great with it. |
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#4
Yes, whenever we have a breakthrough and I get more honest with him, I'm terrified he will see the real me and decide he no longer wants me as his client. I'm not over it yet, but discussing these feelings every time they poke their ugly head out helps a ton. I'm able to hold on to the reassurance for longer now.
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Grand Magnate
nottrustin
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#5
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Grand Magnate
nottrustin
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#6
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Grand Magnate
nottrustin
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Omers
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#8
Trusting compliments is really hard. T is very careful and somewhat indirect in his wording so I don’t tune him out or trigger. But, for me, it is a million times better than when T pushes me to come up and voice a positive trait I see in myself. So... learning to tolerate and start to accept T’s compliments is a bit of an unspoken compromise.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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#9
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Grand Magnate
nottrustin
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#10
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