Meh

After weeks of being ok with video sessions, I’m starting to feel restless and needy. Every week, I convince myself that T will say we can resume face to face soon...but nothing. I feel like I’m beginning to despair, like I need the in person connection and energy. This last session I’ve felt pretty disconnected from him, like we didn’t quite meet in the middle with the communication. I worry he thinks I’m wasting his time or that I’m boring him. I’m confused about pubs and shops and gyms being allowed to reopen...but not therapy. I know my T isn’t too worried about covid, but he depends on the clinic where I see him—they need to give the ok and their website still says “no face to face appointments are available”. It’s all dependent on government rules, but the government (England) has eased lockdown so technically they are allowed to reopen. I’m battling the urge to email the office. I don’t want to go behind T’s back, I know he’ll tell me when he knows something. It’s just really disheartening when you go into a session expecting to hear face to face sessions will happen soon, and instead T not mentioning anything.

I feel like not much is happening in my life right now., so I don’t have much new material to bring into session and it eats away at me. I’m scared I’m boring him.

Sorry for ranting, I’m just feeling an overwhelming sense of meh and sadness right now. I really hope I’ll see him soon.

Before my T opened back up to clients it got so hard for me we talked about my being able to go park in the parking lot of his office. He could look out his window or sit on a bench I could see him from my car.

Have you talked to him about how this is affecting you? Even if this is all outside of your t's control it sounds important to have an outlet for your feelings and might help you cope better.

I know around where I live the stores etc have opened mainly for the economy. The vets make you sit out in your car and call them while they come out to get your animal and the doctor calls you again when they are finished. I think many of the medical offices like my psychiatrist and therapist are staying closed because they have the ability to work remotely. I know our governor has said that people that can work from home should continue to work from home.

One thing that's helping me with these video sessions is that right when we start, the first thing we do is T holds up her hand to the camera and I hold up mine to my camera to 'connect' energetically and it does work, for me anyway. Even last week when I was such a mess. It helped me start to get grounded enough so I could find my inner stubbornness and eventually pull myself out of the guilt complex that had been swamping me and we could actually have a discussion for the last part of that really tough session.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merope After weeks of being ok with video sessions, I’m starting to feel restless and needy. Every week, I convince myself that T will say we can resume face to face soon...but nothing. I feel like I’m beginning to despair, like I need the in person connection and energy. This last session I’ve felt pretty disconnected from him, like we didn’t quite meet in the middle with the communication. In the beginning, I was bitterly angry about teletherapy. Then I pretty much made peace with it. This week I was unable to connect with my therapist because my internet connection went down. Then I started feeling discouraged again...feeling disconnected from her. The feeling is horrible, like floating in some blah place, with little hope to grab onto. I'm working double-hard on my attitude. I, too, keep waiting for the "We'll start meeting f2f again" - but it doesn't come, and I doubt it will for many, many months, if ever. I worry he thinks I’m wasting his time or that I’m boring him. I’m confused about pubs and shops and gyms being allowed to reopen...but not therapy. I know my T isn’t too worried about covid, but he depends on the clinic where I see him—they need to give the ok and their website still says “no face to face appointments are available”. It’s all dependent on government rules, but the government (England) has eased lockdown so technically they are allowed to reopen.

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Thank you all. I think I'll wait a bit and email the office. I feel bad that this is such an issue for me when there are much bigger things happening in the world, but I guess you can't choose how you feel. I hope you're all doing ok.

Hi Merope,

Great thread. I have been avoiding anything to do with resumption of in person work, because I sense that it's going to be a while...and that is hard.
I agree that you can't control how you feel, and it's justifiable that you are in pain at the moment.
'You can't plan emotions' is one of the things R said to me in our last in person session to date, where I was very distressed.

Take care,

Lost

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merope Thank you all. I think I'll wait a bit and email the office. I feel bad that this is such an issue for me when there are much bigger things happening in the world, but I guess you can't choose how you feel. I hope you're all doing ok.

Please let us know if they respond to your email.