Do you feel like you shouldn’t matter?

Mountaindewed · Jul 10, 2020 at 01:32 PM

Do you ever feel like your problems aren’t as important to your therapist like her other clients problems are and you almost feel guilty about it?

I’ve been in a crisis all week and I’ve been back and forth in emails with my T. She told me in session that she is very worried about me. A lot of her clients are younger kids. At times I feel guilty because she’s probably pretty busy dealing with these kids who are having issues going back to school and the anxiety about having to wear face masks and all that. And then there’s me who just a suicidal mess but who doesn’t have any legit issue going on.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Beautifly Broken · Jul 10, 2020 at 01:55 PM

I stopped going to my therapist for that reason. I felt like he was off in space as I was bleeding out my feelings. I've noticed a lot of therapists don't really contribute much in regards to helping you That has been my experience anyway. Also, just because she has other clients doesn't make you any less important. You are just as important as her other clients. Talk to her, maybe is overloaded. Tell her how you are feeling and see what happens, If nothing changes, find a new therapist.

Mbarn65 · Jul 10, 2020 at 02:02 PM

Feel alone and left out of family

Rive. · Jul 10, 2020 at 03:17 PM

So, you don't think being a "suicidal mess" is as important as children's anxiety re wearing masks?

nottrustin · Jul 10, 2020 at 03:33 PM

You do matter. If you didn't matter to her she wouldn't be worried about you nor would she have you as a client. Maybe you are a breath of fresh air for her. Working with kids and teens is REALLY difficult. Maybe she enjoys working with you because she can deal with adult issues

SlumberKitty · Jul 10, 2020 at 03:34 PM

Yes, I feel like that often. HUGS Kit

Mountaindewed · Jul 10, 2020 at 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rive.

So, you don't think being a "suicidal mess" is as important as children's anxiety re wearing masks?

Honestly no. If you see all the stuff on the news they talk about the kids well being at schools but hardly mention the teachers or other facultys well beings who will get a lot more sick if they get the virus. Kids with issues are in general more important then adults with isssus. I just honestly think I’m not as important at the moment. Plus I legit don’t have anything to complain about. I feel like I’m being difficult for no reason.

MissUdy · Jul 10, 2020 at 03:45 PM

Yes I feel like that a lot too. From what I understand, this feeling comes from being around people that treated you like you didn’t matter (neglect, abuse etc) when you are growing up, and then it becomes a core belief that affects how we feel and behave through life until we look to change the pattern.

Idkinh · Jul 10, 2020 at 04:32 PM

I feel it all of the time. I have a bunch of non life threatening medical issues, the amount of physical pain just Constantly feels like my karma. I was also emotionally abused from a very young age. I was told if I wanted anything in life I had to earn it. Including love. When I was desperately trying to earn the love, I was made to feel that I just didn’t want it enough and work hard enough for it therefor I did not deserve it which made not matter. It’s awful.

Lemoncake · Jul 10, 2020 at 04:53 PM

I used to count the number of tissues I took from my T's office and bought him a box to replace the ones I had taken! I didn't feel like I was worth even those and was just wasting them.

Pain at the end of the day is still pain. You matter even if you can't see it for yourself and your issues are worth as much as anyone elses.

Salmon77 · Jul 10, 2020 at 05:30 PM

It's up to her what she worries about and spends time on, especially outside of her sessions with you. Nothing for you to feel guilty about.

Honestly it makes me pretty angry that people talk about sending kids back to school without thinking about the danger for adults who work there.

stopdog · Jul 10, 2020 at 06:01 PM

No - I don't feel like I shouldn't matter. I don't think any client matters to a therapist, but I never thought I was all that different from any other client.

SummerTime12 · Jul 10, 2020 at 06:31 PM

I’m sorry you’re feeling like your issues aren’t as important. To me it sounds like what you’re going through is pretty intense and definitely deserves your T’s attention and care.

I feel like this all the time though, even though my t has told me that I have the worst case of trauma he’s ever seen in a client. Idk what that even is supposed to mean, like how do you measure trauma?

susannahsays · Jul 10, 2020 at 08:31 PM

I don't feel guilty for taking the therapist's time. I pay her for it and it is a huge sacrifice. There's not a shortage of therapists in my area, so I have no reason to suppose that I am taking away somebody else's opportunity.

But that doesn't mean I think I, myself, matter. I clearly don't matter very much to anybody since I have only the therapist to depend on for emotional support.

Amyjay · Jul 11, 2020 at 01:51 AM

I don't think any of us matter. I don't matter to anyone but myself. I don't really ever think about others mattering "more". They probably matter to the people that love them. I don't see why a T would think of clients in terms of how much they matter to them. T's would be more concerned with helping people with whatever they need help with rather than rating clients in terms of "worth", I think.
Still, it must feel bad to think other people matter "more" than you. Feeling like nobody matters, including myself, is at least an equalizer, I guess.

*Beth* · Jul 11, 2020 at 07:32 AM

If a therapist truly isn't listening to you, or seems to be spacing out, they may have burn-out. Definitely bring it up.

Omers · Jul 11, 2020 at 05:52 PM

I don’t feel worthy of T’s time, attention and care. I constantly feel as though I am contaminating his space...
he seems to think I’m worth it.

comrademoomoo · Jul 12, 2020 at 04:39 AM

I matter. I often feel disregarded and defective, but this is a global experience for women since this is how patriarchy regards us. However, I matter and so do all women and so does everyone in this thread. We might not be crucial or the top priority in all (or any) circumstances, but in our little existences and with our own struggles we are vital. The act of going to therapy (including spending money and time to do so) indicates that we have a sense that we matter and that our healing is important.

comrademoomoo · Jul 12, 2020 at 04:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I don't feel guilty for taking the therapist's time. I pay her for it and it is a huge sacrifice. There's not a shortage of therapists in my area, so I have no reason to suppose that I am taking away somebody else's opportunity.

But that doesn't mean I think I, myself, matter. I clearly don't matter very much to anybody since I have only the therapist to depend on for emotional support.

When I visit this site, I am interested in your postings. I enjoy reading your thoughts and interpretations. For the time that I spend here, you matter to me. It's a little matter, but it exists.

comrademoomoo · Jul 12, 2020 at 04:44 AM

What on earth has come over me?! All this existential joy must indicate something is awry. I can only attribute it to the fact that I have been listening to too much Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

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Mbarn65 New Member Member Since Jul 2020 Location: Missouri Posts: 2 3	Jul 10, 2020 at 02:02 PM #3 Feel alone and left out of family
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	Jul 10, 2020 at 03:17 PM #4 So, you don't think being a "suicidal mess" is as important as children's anxiety re wearing masks?
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jul 10, 2020 at 03:33 PM #5 You do matter. If you didn't matter to her she wouldn't be worried about you nor would she have you as a client. Maybe you are a breath of fresh air for her. Working with kids and teens is REALLY difficult. Maybe she enjoys working with you because she can deal with adult issues __________________
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 10, 2020 at 03:34 PM #6 Yes, I feel like that often. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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MissUdy Member Member Since Mar 2020 Location: Wales Posts: 197 4 269 hugs given	Jul 10, 2020 at 03:45 PM #8 Yes I feel like that a lot too. From what I understand, this feeling comes from being around people that treated you like you didn’t matter (neglect, abuse etc) when you are growing up, and then it becomes a core belief that affects how we feel and behave through life until we look to change the pattern.
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Salmon77 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2014 Location: PNW Posts: 1,394 10 106 hugs given	Jul 10, 2020 at 05:30 PM #11 It's up to her what she worries about and spends time on, especially outside of her sessions with you. Nothing for you to feel guilty about. Honestly it makes me pretty angry that people talk about sending kids back to school without thinking about the danger for adults who work there.
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jul 11, 2020 at 07:32 AM #16 If a therapist truly isn't listening to you, or seems to be spacing out, they may have burn-out. Definitely bring it up. __________________
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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Jul 11, 2020 at 05:52 PM #17 I don’t feel worthy of T’s time, attention and care. I constantly feel as though I am contaminating his space... he seems to think I’m worth it. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Jul 12, 2020 at 04:44 AM #20 What on earth has come over me?! All this existential joy must indicate something is awry. I can only attribute it to the fact that I have been listening to too much Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
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