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nottrustin
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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 07:04 AM
  #1
Due to the changes in our lives because of the pandemic, is anybody else finding themselves reevaluating their lives, their careers, activities, even who they hang out with? Is your T helpful and supportive. What types of changes are you considering changing or what have you changed? If you have family how are they responding?

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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 07:29 AM
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wow, there is so much going on with me and i do think a great deal would not have happened yet if covid had not happened. i’ve been kind of left to ponder a lot.

my therapist does know whats going on with me but its happening much faster than i can tell her about it. She is being helpful. There is a change i’ve already begun when I joined this site. I have decided to have a sex change. Anyone who ever knew me would probably be quite surprised yet now looking back I think it was so obvious that I’ve always was meant to be a woman.

I think not being honest with myself about being a woman inside is why I have no friends so I can answer your question about hanging out that I hope that now having come to terms with my feminine sexuality I will start having friends. And i’m not looking for trans friends necessarily but just kind supportive people who realize that I really need to be who I know i really am even if conventions in our society say “No!”. And I think that now that I am going in the right direction sexually, that this will stop my self harming. I’m certain the self harm was a way to tell myself to understand my hidden femininity.

I also lost my job just before the pandemic so that may have played in also. but i have not been looking for a job. Maybe now looking for work as a woman may change things for the better in this respect too. And as for my family, I recently announced on facebook that I am a self harmer and want to do what I can to help bring about changes in mental healthcare. I got a pretty supportive response to that and that felt good and my sons were both supportive of that.

But they have no idea yet that dad needs to become a woman. I can only hope that will be able to adjust to it eventually. Maybe love is stronger than conventions. I’m not expecting my wife to accept it at all. sigh.....

life is very strange but I am being strong and determined in my sexuality change decision and I love my new name Sarah. I hope I can meet lots of new kind people here.... ... and this is a great question. Thanks for asking it.
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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 09:06 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by 8sarah8 View Post
wow, there is so much going on with me and i do think a great deal would not have happened yet if covid had not happened. i’ve been kind of left to ponder a lot.

my therapist does know whats going on with me but its happening much faster than i can tell her about it. She is being helpful. There is a change i’ve already begun when I joined this site. I have decided to have a sex change. Anyone who ever knew me would probably be quite surprised yet now looking back I think it was so obvious that I’ve always was meant to be a woman.

I think not being honest with myself about being a woman inside is why I have no friends so I can answer your question about hanging out that I hope that now having come to terms with my feminine sexuality I will start having friends. And i’m not looking for trans friends necessarily but just kind supportive people who realize that I really need to be who I know i really am even if conventions in our society say “No!”. And I think that now that I am going in the right direction sexually, that this will stop my self harming. I’m certain the self harm was a way to tell myself to understand my hidden femininity.

I also lost my job just before the pandemic so that may have played in also. but i have not been looking for a job. Maybe now looking for work as a woman may change things for the better in this respect too. And as for my family, I recently announced on facebook that I am a self harmer and want to do what I can to help bring about changes in mental healthcare. I got a pretty supportive response to that and that felt good and my sons were both supportive of that.

But they have no idea yet that dad needs to become a woman. I can only hope that will be able to adjust to it eventually. Maybe love is stronger than conventions. I’m not expecting my wife to accept it at all. sigh.....

life is very strange but I am being strong and determined in my sexuality change decision and I love my new name Sarah. I hope I can meet lots of new kind people here.... ... and this is a great question. Thanks for asking it.
Wow that is a lot of changes!! Best of luck with it all. this is a great and mostly supportive group.

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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 02:03 PM
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My wife is shortly to be transported to a hospital to be admitted overnight for possible heart problems. Normally I would be with her, but I am considered at risk due to Covid. That is, if I was exposed and actually caught the virus, it could be very, very bad for me.
She was on the phone with me trying not to cry, and I was and am trying not to freak out because if I take an Ativan I won't be able to drive. She wants her phone charger and so we are trying to figure out how to get it to her.
I lean on her so much. It is very difficult for me when I have to deal with "the hard" things, and now with Covid, I can't even ask a friend to come help me. I feel so alone. I could call my T, but she might not get back to me right away because she has Monday and Tuesday off. I could call Pdoc, but I'm currently still angry with him for something he did. He apologized and I accepted it, but I feel angry about it again. I guess he's a good Pdoc, but I get a lot more comfort from my T than I do from him.

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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 02:52 PM
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Many things have been set in place prior to covid, which have helped me get to this point. In Sept I went to a grad school event that made some changes. Then in Nov I had a crisis and the hospital was the best place. I decided to take a term off, and also what was put in motion and a project I was working on influenced that choice. I went back for a term, then took this current term off because of many reasons. When covid hit in my area, it was a reason to take the term off. I'm glad I did. I was hospitalized a few weeks ago. Since then I have been reading more. I found a book that has changed how I view mental illness. Since starting the book, I now see mental illness as a label, nothing more. That label gave years of thinking that something was wrong with me. Now I know that it is how I was raised, and the trauma I experienced. I'm a product of my environment, and then my body responds. I use meds for a short period, as a tool. I've spent years on meds. And now, I seek change in how I view my life. I am the author of my life. I am in control and can choose my path. If these events didn't happen, I don't know where I would be. I know I want to advocate for others, and help them heal from their pasts. I want to learn more and read more about recovery from the past/mental health/addiction.
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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 03:35 PM
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For a few years now I have been unhappy with my job, while Jace worked through COVID it was in a different capacity and fewer hours. I realized how much more relaxed I was because at that job I truly felt like I made a difference on the lives of people. It made me realize that it is time to find a different job one that I dont grat myself out of bed each day and I feel more fulfilled.

Secondly, do the loss of a family member that I was the guardian and only live member I had to make a lot of choices and due to family dynamics, it was really stressful and painful. I realized I have people in my life because of obligation even though they are toxic to my mental health.

My youngest finished high school so now I no longer have babies in the house. My kids are all in college and working. so I am now left trying to figure out who I am. For si li ng my identity, activities, life revolved around being their mom. No I am trying to discover who I am.

Perhaps, one of the biggies is my faith community. I am very involved and strong in my faith however, recently, the true character of many in my community it has come out Iy is disheartening. that is not to say everybody is the few people I am to really close to are the same people I have gotten to know over the years. But wondering if I should look in attending a different parish

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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 05:14 PM
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Nottrustin: I want to talk to you about your church more; just going out now, so will write more later.--Cool

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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 05:28 PM
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Originally Posted by nottrustin View Post
Due to the changes in our lives because of the pandemic, is anybody else finding themselves reevaluating their lives, their careers, activities, even who they hang out with?

All of the above. Very fortunately, my husband and I have had a home-based business for nearly 12 years, and it is doing well.

My activities? Absolutely. I haven't seen any friends or family members for many months. I am facing the probability that I won't see any loved ones (besides my husband) for...who knows...a year? Although, my son, daughter-in-law, husband, and I have discussed meeting in a park while wearing masks. No hugs, of course. Hopefully that will happen in August or September.

Is your T helpful and supportive.

Well...she's as supportive as possible, considering. She's made it clear that she's unhappy with teletherapy, too. Of course, being a therapist, she works at making the best of things and encouraging me to do the same. So, it's either carry on or quit.

What types of changes are you considering changing or what have you changed?

The whole world seems changed. I find myself looking at any number of things...posts I've written, a shirt I bought, whatever...and saying to myself, This was a 'before' covid...that other world.

If you have family how are they responding?

My husband is the only family I see. The rest of my family is in either California or in NYC; they feel the same way I do. Thankfully, I have no "I won't wear a mask" jerks in my family.
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Default Jul 14, 2020 at 07:29 AM
  #9
I am in that space although I cannot say it is related to the pandemic. My T has been extremely supportive... a few times he *might* have gotten a bit too enthusiastic. He is thrilled to help me in every way possible look into new, healthier and happier ways of living and support me in trying new things.

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