Rephrasing: Recovering from the results of abuse

POSSIBLE TW: Ok, so I am rephrasing my question: Do you think it is ever possible to completely recover from the results of abuse?
Do you think some kinds of abuse are easier to process/work through than other kinds?

I really don't think my response would be any different from the other thread as far as recovery goes.

You have added another question wondering if some kinds of abuse being easier to work through than others, so I'll add a response to that:

It is very individual. I don't think it has to do with the kind of abuse or length of abuse or age of abuse. Trauma is trauma, and each individual responds to and is affected by that abuse/trauma based on personality, upbringing, environment . . . I'm pretty sure there really isn't a way to rank or compare from one person to another from one type of abuse to another. Just too many influential factors.

I don't think we should rank abuse and ease of working through because it is so individual. There are so many factors. How long did it happen, how old the person were there multiple other kinds of abuse going on at the same time, how long after the abuse start before the person got help?

Now for me personally I think that x trarauma is much easier to work through than y and z trauma. Ti compare my trauma to somebody else's, is likely unhelpful.

I have had every kind of abuse from different people from birth until around age 21. Mostly family but some not. I think they are all just as bad in their own way. I do say that the trauma suffered early on in life has had a bigger impact my thoughts and feelings, probably because it was learned. I do know that it is all related though. In working through EMDR we started with the latest traumas including a recent almost fatal car accident. In working through that, my brain kept relating the feelings and memories back to childhood. When we started on trauma from my late teens it again took me back to things from childhood. Going with that observation, I would say if you can work on healing your earliest traumas it will probably lessen those that came after regardless of what kind of trauma.

Why does this question need rephrasing? Surely posters here aren't so sensitive that the word recovery poses a problem? I don't understand.

I think it depends on what stage of development the abuse happened. Age birth to 3 yrs or 5 yrs I feel causes permanent damage and can never be repaired. The kind of abuse also matters. If you were physically abused but still had a loving caring person that met your needs then damage might not be so harsh compared to someone physically abused and left to suffer with not touch or comfort or food.

I think one can have the effects lessened. I don't think that one can ever have no vestiges at all but rather believe that one can learn to not be controlled by them. I also do not believe therapy is the only path to lessened pain nor the best path necessarily.

Sometime during the first years I that I went to therapy, starting over 55 years ago, I was told that “if you face your issues, you can overcome them.”

I believed that. I went to therapy off and on for all those years to help me find the source of my issues, and I believed that, if found, I could overcome them.

I have been disappointed.

The last therapy, with a trauma therapist who terminated me 5 years ago, did allow me to recover a memory of feelings of terror and abandonment which occurred in a hospital when I was 3. That has not helped much with any recovery, however, at least not yet and I’m nearing the end of my life. I think I can identify some other traumas that may have been made worse by that initial one, which was maybe triggered when the subsequent ones happened. But it’s most of a lifetime built on top of that stuff – the defense system, I guess you could say. And when the last therapist bailed on me I haven't been much interested in trying to find anybody else or another type of therapy. Maybe something is out there, but seems very doubtful.

I’m old and tired. Very disappointed with therapy, with life, and with myself.

The mental health profession needs to do a better job of letting people know the realistic hopes and potential downsides of therapy. I hope the days of blind hope and trust in the therapist and “doing the work” and just finding “a better fit” when one therapy fails are over.

I think the re-phrase is potentially helpful, though, and it might help the overall change in how people look at recovery if the focus is more on the trauma and the individual response rather than the acts that caused it per se.

I think... sometimes it is possible to completely recover from abuse.
And other times I think "recover" is the wrong word to use.
Times I mean are particularly when the abuse happens in the crucial developmental years between birth and 6 years, and especially when that abuse is from caregivers. Then I don't believe it is possible to "recover" from abuse, because the brain has developed to accommodate abuse. There is no "previous normal development" to return to. The affects of the abuse will be life-long.
But, that doesn't mean that the quality of life can't be drastically improved and that quality of life is out of reach. I think even in those cases where a brain was built on abusive experiences skills can be learned and new ways of being and interacting can be developed. I think (hope) a good quality of life can be reached. I am not there yet. But I am on the path.
But, I don't think I will ever fully "recover". I don't believe I will ever be able to experience life as an unabused person. But changes can - and are being - made. Life is better than it used to be and will hopefully improve even more than now.
But maybe when abuse isn't as extensive, or as early, and there are mitigating factors such as one person in the child's life who really loves them... maybe a person can fully recover from abuse.

to completely recover? no. the memories, whether cognitive or somatic, will probably never fully be forgotten.

but to grow from the experience and learn a new way of being and existing from the results of trauma inflicted by abuse? yes.


yes...i reckon the repeated and/ or early abuse that can lead to CPTSD/ developmental trauma are more challenging to fully process and work through than any trauma inflicted from a one time or infrequent abuse, especially if that one off abuse happens later in life, past childhood, when a the body and mind are done developing.

have you read Bessel van der Kolks book, 'The Body Keeps the Score'?. he talks about the physical damage/ scars that trauma can leave on the brain (evident in neuroimaging scans) and the effects it has on survivors, especially when the trauma happens repeatedly and at a time when the brain is still developing, as in infant-hood/childhood. But fortunately, the one good thing about the brain as an organ is it's 'plasticity' , it has the capacity to change, reorganise and grow. and this can be achieved by forming new neuro-connections which can happen from having positive healing experiences.

hope that info helps to answer your questions at least a little

I am reading his book now. This year he also published a workbook to use with it.

yes I do believe its possible to fully recover from the affects of abuse. here in my location fully recovered means a person no longer has nightmares about the abuse, no longer has panic attack because of the abuse, no longer has intrusive thoughts about the abuse, the memories of the abuse no longer cause them emotional pain....

I have fully recovered from the abuses of my childhood....

I no longer have nightmares about the abuse
I no longer have panic attacks when thinking about the abuse
I no longer get triggered when encountering elements or people that remind me of the abuse
I no longer have thoughts about the abuse interfering with my daily life (other wise known as intrusive thoughts.
I am no longer DID, all my dissociated type alters that came from being abused have been integrated to become one whole personality again.
the past abuses dont affect my love life with my wife nor my relationships with friends and family
the abuses I under went dont affect my being a parent, wife or woman with a successful career.

in other words my treatment providers and I consider myself fully recovered from the abuse of my childhood. they and I also consider myself to be fully recovered from witnessing a trauma event as an adult and the traumatic event of hurricane sandy.

the problems I have today are not due to being abused as a child. I am fully recovered. as are many that I know in my personal life.

yes full recovery is possible, it takes work and sometimes years, its not something that happens over night but it is possible.

I don't think you ever completely recover,you just learn to live your life the best you can despite it

My T said to me that we could think of it a bit like having asthma. You’re never going to say that you don’t have it any more. But what you can do is to have it under control so that it doesn’t affect your day to day life any more, doesn’t stop you from doing anything and possibly other people looking at you couldn’t tell that you had it.
I think we found there was a certain amount of freedom in being accepting about this, that the trauma happened and had a profound effect that will be there for ever, it’s not something that everyone goes through and it’s not something that can ever be undone, but it is something that can be healed to
a great extent so that it doesn’t cause so many problems day to day and so that it’s possible to get on and live a good life.