FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#1
So as many of you know, I've been struggling with my T being out on sick leave for the past 5 weeks. No one knows whether she'll return this month or not. She did text her receptionist this morning and said her lungs are looking clear and she's feeling much better.
Anyway, I received a call this morning from another therapist in the clinic. When I was going to the clinic 2 or 3 times per week (prior to telehealth) this particular therapist seemed unappealing to me. She seemed to have a dull personality. I really like to smile at people and show warmth, but every time I would see her I'd smile at her and she never returned even one smile. She'd just look blank. It was weird. I finally stopped smiling at her. So this morning she called and said she's offering to see any of M's clients to "provide support" while M. is out. Now, this is what confused me. On the phone she sounded sweet and caring. Not like that unfriendly person I stopped smiling at. Yesterday I had pretty much made peace with M.'s absence. I decided that I would put to use what I'm learning in therapy, which is to effectively cope with life's challenges. I was feeling good about my decision. So now I've found the message from A., the other therapist. I'm stuck, really stuck. If I go ahead and make an appointment with her (teletherapy, UGH), what if everything just gets more complicated? Am I better off to hold my own and be patient (which I also learn from, because waiting for a resolution to a painful situation is always extremely anxiety-producing for me)- or would it be beneficial to make an appointment with A. and take the chance that I will end up feeling more confused and rabbled up? Any ideas? __________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Amyjay, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
11 1,429 hugs
given |
#2
It's good to hear that M seems to be improving. Have they told you what the illness is? Covid? Something else? Or is that part of the stuff that they don't feel like clients need to know or worry about. And I guess they still can't tell you an estimated return date?
Given all that, I'd say, what's the harm in trying? Keep your "boundaries", your guard up. Talk about generalities of coping with life, the pandemic, not too deep on how M's absence is affecting you. Try to use your observation and intuition to get a some kind of a gauge, may be wrong but a start anyway, on what she is really like and what she might be able to provide in terms of "support". If the first session doesn't go well, then no need to make another, is there?. |
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*, comrademoomoo
|
Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,711
5 |
#3
In your position, and as painful as this might be, I would be assuming that the substantive part of my work with my therapist had ended. I would hope for some final contact to say goodbye, but it does not look promising for anything more medium/long term. I would revert to self-preservation mode, not always healthy or useful of course. You can have sessions with the new therapist without committing to anything more, see how it sits with you.
I took part in a seminar recently about seduction in therapy - not sexual seduction. How client or therapist can emotionally seduce the other by (un)consciously tapping into the desires or needs of the other. It sounds like the new therapist might have seduced you with her sweet and caring way. I would be interested in exploring that with her, if nothing else. |
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*
|
Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
given |
#4
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,711
5 |
#6
|
Reply With Quote |
catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
She'll be back before too much longer, I believe- but obviously her health is a very real consideration. __________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
13 3,133 hugs
given |
#8
I would give A a try. If their are other T’s clients in the waiting area when my T comes out he is super cold and brisk. He is super warm with his clients/when he gets up into the office.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*, Quietmind 2
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,369
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#9
I’d agree to see this t for a session. You never know. People aren’t always what they seem. Not smiling could be for 100 reasons? Just speculating here but in some cultures excessive smiling to strangers or people you barely know isn’t encouraged. Etc I’ll try a session
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*, Amyjay, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
|
Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
4 1,732 hugs
given |
#10
She might be an introvert. Some introverts come across unfriendly to most people but are different in a one to one situation. I'm like this. I think its worth seeing her even just for one session to see what she's like.
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
|
Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,744
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#11
I agree that you should give her a try. She might just have a certain persona in the waiting room that is very different from in her office (or just a RBF). As an example, the T I saw as a backup when my T was on vacation earlier this year, when I'd seen her in the hallway, she didn't smile or anything. But in session, she seemed more warm and even teared up at a few things I shared with her. So I wouldn't go by that. And I think it's fine to talk about your T's absence with her. When I've seen T's while my T is away, I've often talked about stuff involving him with them, whether missing him, some issues that have come up in working with him, etc. It can help to have another perspective, even just someone to listen.
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*, Quietmind 2
|
Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,014
10 |
#12
I would still make an appointment with this T. Great if your T is back but it seems your T is often (and at unpredictable times) out.. I think it would be beneficial to, at the very least, have a back-up.
It would also be interesting to see how another T works, whether it helps etc. Nothing wrong in trying and keeping your options open |
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*
|
catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#13
Thanks so much to each of you! All of you have been immensely helpful to me over these rough past days.
My pdoc and my T, whose offices are right next to each other, share information about me every week. Doesn't bother me in the least bit; in fact, I'm grateful to them because I believe the shared information helps me. For some reason (the mind is such a strange thing!) I am freaked out at the idea of this new therapist person sharing info with my therapist. I have no idea why. Something I've learned from this board is that from now on, any therapist I ever see will be asked questions about their approach to therapy. In the past, I was too desperate/too shy to inquire about such things as How do you handle transference issues? Do you have any health conditions that might cause you to be frequently absent? HA. No more. I'm going to ask whatever I want to know. __________________ |
Reply With Quote |
SlumberKitty
|
LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,808
7 6,349 hugs
given |
#14
Kinda echoing what other people here are saying, but her not smiling may not indicate how warm and caring she actually is. I know my neutral facial expression looks rather unhappy and when I do smile it is usually minimal and I wonder if people can even tell I'm actually giving them a friendly smile. This may be a good example of judging a book by its cover. I think you should go for a session. What do you have to lose?
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#15
What if you just made an initial appointment, just to see how you feel about her... just dont get into anything too deep that would stir things up. Just to see how it goes, but without getting emotionally invested,
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
*Beth*, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
|
catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#16
I called to set up an appointment with the "support" therapist and the receptionist told me that she had just heard from my therapist, that she will be back at work on Monday (1 week).
Since I don't have anything pressing to talk to the other T about (besides my own T being out sick), I decided that I'll talk with my pdoc at tomorrow's appointment. If for some reason I feel like I still need support before next week, I can see the other T on Wednesday. It's reassuring to know that there is someone available if my therapist needs to be out again for more than a week. I have more peace of mind. __________________ |
Reply With Quote |
LonesomeTonight, nottrustin, SlumberKitty
|
Amyjay, Quietmind 2
|
Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,744
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#17
Glad your regular T is due to be back Monday!
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*, SlumberKitty
|
*Beth*, Quietmind 2
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,369
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#18
Good news!!!
|
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*, SlumberKitty
|
*Beth*, Quietmind 2
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#19
Glad your other T is coming back soon and that you get to talk to your Pdoc. It's also good to know there is a backup for if/when this happens again. I saw a backup T twice when my former T was away for several weeks (she used to teach a class in Singapore every other year and was gone for several weeks. We could still email but no phone calls or text messages). I found the backup T to be helpful except for talking about T's absence. He couldn't separate from being a T and kept saying how Former T needed her time away etc. Which I was not disputing. I was disputing that I needed T and what was I supposed to do in the meantime.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Reply With Quote |
*Beth*
|
catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#20
Quote:
That was one of the concerns I had about talking to a support T about my own T's absence. As with any job, therapists tend to stick with each other, probably because they know from their own work how other T's might feel and function. __________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
SlumberKitty
|
Reply |
|