Ruptures

I've read several times about therapeutic "ruptures." What exactly does that mean? What's the difference between a rupture and a disagreement?

When we have a disagreement, it's fine and we just tell him how we disagree with him. A rupture is when I feel like I've lost his trust, or he's lost mine, or he saw me in a way that wasn't true and hurt me. I know sometimes therapists mean to cause the rupture, because they think we are stronger when we over come it, and it gives us a stronger sense of self.

Once after a massive rupture, I made a long cord with metal rings at the end for me and my therapist to hold in session. I didn't realise at the time, but I suppose it was my way of trying to reconnect after I felt torn away from him.

I agree with Lost. A rupture tears at the very fabric of the therapy relationship and damages the trust that has been built up. It can even feel like a betrayal. Sometimes the rupture can be triggered by the transference or counter transference (client's feelings towards T or vice versa). I've experienced it with current T and it's devastating. It can take a long time and a lot of work to repair and sometimes it doesn't get repaired at all, especially if the T can't own their role in it and/or becomes defensive. It's far beyond a disagreement which is simply when therapist and client are expressing conflicting opinions over something. Disagreements can be horribly upsetting and unsettling but rarely rupture the relationship. Disagreements are actually healthy as a client can and should feel able to voice their views to T.

I agree with what the others have said. What I've considered "ruptures" with current and former T's are conflicts that threaten the relationship. I actually terminated with my current T after a rupture last summer (really, a series of ruptures over a couple months), but ended up coming back a few weeks later. I'm glad I did, as we've been working well together since then (aside from a few minor disagreements.


My T has said he thinks working through ruptures makes therapeutic relationships stronger. I agree on some level, if the therapist owns their part in it, too, and it's actually discussed, not just swept under the rug. And if they're willing to discuss it at other points, as well, like something from the rupture just came up in my session yesterday. He's said I can talk about it whenever I need to. Sometimes I can think I've moved past something (whether in a therapeutic relationship or outside relationship) only to realize at some point that I haven't or that there's something still bothering me about what was said, for example.


With my former marriage counselor, there was a major rupture, and we continued to go for months afterward. But I just could never look at him the same way. I couldn't trust him anymore. So we eventually terminated. In that case, he didn't seem willing to own his part in it and was sort of gaslighting me about some of what had happened in the relationship. It didn't seem repairable.

Okay, now I understand. Thanks!

Here is the thing I struggle with about ruptures, what about when T says or does something that because of our own insecurities we take as an attack of sorts and really angers us. They on the other hand did not intend to hurt us and what they said or did was misinterpreted.

I didn't understand this concept either when I first arrived here on PC. It was a foreign concept to me as I hadn't ever experienced it in my own therapy -- never did actually. It isn't something everyone experiences in their own therapy.

I see a rupture as a break in the connection with T. It can be mild or... not so mild.

A disagreement means we are still on the same side and we can agree to disagree. A rupture puts the T on the other side of the divide. They are no longer with me or on my side. And our connection and/or relationship is 'threatened'.

Glad to hear I am not the only one. To me, the term sounds like ike a horrible thing. How is it any different than any other relationship? My best friend recently did something (the same week I felt hurt by something T did. I handled the two situations the same way. I wanted to walk away from the relationship, I was very angry, and I put my wall up for about the same amount of time. To me, it is part of normal relationships and that nobody is perfect.

In both cases, we have talked learned some things and moved on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin Here is the thing I struggle with about ruptures, what about when T says or does something that because of our own insecurities we take as an attack of sorts and really angers us. They on the other hand did not intend to hurt us and what they said or did was misinterpreted.

I wonder about that, too.

I think think it is precisely the fact that our response comes from some other place or some misinterpretation that plays into the interaction moving from a disagreement to a rupture; the loss in trust, belief, and faith of the therapeutic relationship. Perception, projection, protection. What are we perceiving is happening to us, within us, with the other; what are we projecting onto the other and the situation; what do we do to project ourselves and the image we have of the relationship that exists between ourselves and whomever. Ruptures are not limited to therapy. Yet our responses to them are often similar regardless of where it happens or why it is happening. Having them happen in therapy with the right, for you, therapist provides opportunities to learn and grow. Mine was extremely painful and it moved us to a new way of doing therapy that has been helpful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elio I think think it is precisely the fact that our response comes from some other place or some misinterpretation that plays into the interaction moving from a disagreement to a rupture; the loss in trust, belief, and faith of the therapeutic relationship. Perception, projection, protection. What are we perceiving is happening to us, within us, with the other; what are we projecting onto the other and the situation; what do we do to project ourselves and the image we have of the relationship that exists between ourselves and whomever. Ruptures are not limited to therapy. Yet our responses to them are often similar regardless of where it happens or why it is happening. Having them happen in therapy with the right, for you, therapist provides opportunities to learn and grow. Mine was extremely painful and it moved us to a new way of doing therapy that has been helpful.

Great post! I agree.