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catches the flowers
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#1
I've read several times about therapeutic "ruptures." What exactly does that mean? What's the difference between a rupture and a disagreement?
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Lostislost
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#2
When we have a disagreement, it's fine and we just tell him how we disagree with him. A rupture is when I feel like I've lost his trust, or he's lost mine, or he saw me in a way that wasn't true and hurt me. I know sometimes therapists mean to cause the rupture, because they think we are stronger when we over come it, and it gives us a stronger sense of self.
Once after a massive rupture, I made a long cord with metal rings at the end for me and my therapist to hold in session. I didn't realise at the time, but I suppose it was my way of trying to reconnect after I felt torn away from him. Last edited by Lostislost; Aug 08, 2020 at 03:11 AM.. |
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*Beth*, LonesomeTonight
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#3
I agree with Lost. A rupture tears at the very fabric of the therapy relationship and damages the trust that has been built up. It can even feel like a betrayal. Sometimes the rupture can be triggered by the transference or counter transference (client's feelings towards T or vice versa). I've experienced it with current T and it's devastating. It can take a long time and a lot of work to repair and sometimes it doesn't get repaired at all, especially if the T can't own their role in it and/or becomes defensive. It's far beyond a disagreement which is simply when therapist and client are expressing conflicting opinions over something. Disagreements can be horribly upsetting and unsettling but rarely rupture the relationship. Disagreements are actually healthy as a client can and should feel able to voice their views to T.
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*Beth*, LonesomeTonight, Lostislost, MoxieDoxie
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#4
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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*Beth*
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Always in This Twilight
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#5
I agree with what the others have said. What I've considered "ruptures" with current and former T's are conflicts that threaten the relationship. I actually terminated with my current T after a rupture last summer (really, a series of ruptures over a couple months), but ended up coming back a few weeks later. I'm glad I did, as we've been working well together since then (aside from a few minor disagreements.
My T has said he thinks working through ruptures makes therapeutic relationships stronger. I agree on some level, if the therapist owns their part in it, too, and it's actually discussed, not just swept under the rug. And if they're willing to discuss it at other points, as well, like something from the rupture just came up in my session yesterday. He's said I can talk about it whenever I need to. Sometimes I can think I've moved past something (whether in a therapeutic relationship or outside relationship) only to realize at some point that I haven't or that there's something still bothering me about what was said, for example. With my former marriage counselor, there was a major rupture, and we continued to go for months afterward. But I just could never look at him the same way. I couldn't trust him anymore. So we eventually terminated. In that case, he didn't seem willing to own his part in it and was sort of gaslighting me about some of what had happened in the relationship. It didn't seem repairable. |
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
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#6
Okay, now I understand. Thanks!
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LonesomeTonight
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#7
Here is the thing I struggle with about ruptures, what about when T says or does something that because of our own insecurities we take as an attack of sorts and really angers us. They on the other hand did not intend to hurt us and what they said or did was misinterpreted.
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*Beth*
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#8
I didn't understand this concept either when I first arrived here on PC. It was a foreign concept to me as I hadn't ever experienced it in my own therapy -- never did actually. It isn't something everyone experiences in their own therapy.
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*Beth*
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#9
I see a rupture as a break in the connection with T. It can be mild or... not so mild.
A disagreement means we are still on the same side and we can agree to disagree. A rupture puts the T on the other side of the divide. They are no longer with me or on my side. And our connection and/or relationship is 'threatened'. |
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*Beth*, LonesomeTonight
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#10
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In both cases, we have talked learned some things and moved on. __________________ |
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LonesomeTonight
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
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#11
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I wonder about that, too. __________________ |
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nottrustin
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#12
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*Beth*, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, nottrustin
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catches the flowers
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#13
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Great post! I agree. __________________ |
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Chyialee, Elio
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