Do you call them out?

nottrustin · Aug 12, 2020 at 06:42 AM

Yesterday I asked a question about Ts business and found out some things that made me somewhat uncomfortable. It is nothing she has done wrong in any way. It is a company that she utilizes for the business aspects and my concern about their access to my ecords as a I know multiple people there. I knew she used them for billing but found out she also sends the notes. She could see my uneasiness. Which we discussed.

Anyway, she has been considering becoming credentialed to do her own billing and has for one client. She said it made financial sense to her as she would save money but that she has been too lazy to do it. I don't know why but the lazy comment is really driving me crazy. If I had said something like that she would call me on it and we would reframe it to something like "It just hasnt been a priority until now" or something like that because I am not lazy. It bugs me that she did the same thing.

I want to say same thing to her but dont know if it would be inappropriate

quietlylost · Aug 12, 2020 at 06:59 AM

There's a way that you could give a gentle nudge and reflect back the skills she has supported you with. "I heard you say lazy, but you've told me before not to use that word. Maybe it just hasn't been a priority yet?" But it's not your job to be your therapist's therapist.

Sometimes people just make off the cuff comments too and it may not be worth addressing as it could have been just flippant at the time.

ArtleyWilkins · Aug 12, 2020 at 07:19 AM

I don’t think everyone takes their own comments to themselves as gospel truth like many of us do. I wouldn’t call her out for an off the cuff comment.

Lostislost · Aug 12, 2020 at 07:23 AM

Once my T said he meant to cut the grass on the weekend but he was too lazy. I felt glad that he could just be lazy too, like everyone.

zoiecat · Aug 12, 2020 at 07:56 AM

Me being me I would probably call him on it but I would do it in a joking manner.

nottrustin · Aug 12, 2020 at 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quietlylost

There's a way that you could give a gentle nudge and reflect back the skills she has supported you with. "I heard you say lazy, but you've told me before not to use that word. Maybe it just hasn't been a priority yet?" But it's not your job to be your therapist's therapist.

Sometimes people just make off the cuff comments too and it may not be worth addressing as it could have been just flippant at the time.

That's the thing. I often make off the cuff flippant remarks and she comments every single time. Sometimes it is very frustrating because I suspect she knows it is is flip pants but also believes as there is often some grain of truth to the remarks.

comrademoomoo · Aug 12, 2020 at 10:44 AM

Maybe she is lazy and it would have been disingenuous for her to reframe the sentence or use a different adjective.

nottrustin · Aug 12, 2020 at 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

Maybe she is lazy and it would have been disingenuous for her to reframe the sentence or use a different adjective.

I guess it is possible. However, from all the activities she participates in, the hours she weeks, she has an active young child who keeps her on her toes, etc I highly doubt it.

I suspect it just wasn't a priority as it did not effect anybody but herself. However, in her mind maybe she thought if she said it wasnt a priority I would interpret it as I am not a priority which based on the entire discussion I would not have

littleblackdog · Aug 12, 2020 at 11:24 AM

I wouldn't. Ultimately I am the person having therapy and it is not my concern why the therapist would say something like that about themselves.
I am extremely self-critical and hard on myself and so if I made a comment like this, even as a flippant remark, I would be judging/beating myself up about being too lazy to do whatever task. The therapist may have been too lazy, but also may accept this without the underlying self-criticism, and so being lazy in this instance may not bother them as much as it would bother me.

Salmon77 · Aug 12, 2020 at 11:28 AM

I'd say something. Not because I'd want to fix her or whatever, but generally I mention it whenever T does something that bothers me. It has an effect on your relationship with her and that's worth talking about.

nottrustin · Aug 12, 2020 at 01:26 PM

Since I can't post on the question about this post I will answer it here. If my T does or something that is in contrast to something that is a big part of my therapy, then yes I question it.

One of the reoccurring themes on my therapy is that I am very hard on myself and I hold myself to higher standards than I do others. If I say something derogatory about myself, she will say something like in this case, " based upon your family involvement, work, and community activities we know you are not lazy. She will also ask if somebody I cared about didnt get thr task done being discussed, would I consider them lazy. The answer is almost always no. So then she asks why I am way more compassionate toward others and why I am so hard on myself. This is a pretty frequent conversation for us.

She is not preaching or dictating what I should do. She just encourages me to be kinder towards myself.

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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	Aug 12, 2020 at 07:19 AM #3 I don’t think everyone takes their own comments to themselves as gospel truth like many of us do. I wouldn’t call her out for an off the cuff comment.
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Lostislost Veteran Member Member Since May 2020 Location: Uk Posts: 557 3 890 hugs given	Aug 12, 2020 at 07:23 AM #4 Once my T said he meant to cut the grass on the weekend but he was too lazy. I felt glad that he could just be lazy too, like everyone.
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zoiecat Grand Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: USA Posts: 916 7 409 hugs given	Aug 12, 2020 at 07:56 AM #5 Me being me I would probably call him on it but I would do it in a joking manner.
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Aug 12, 2020 at 10:44 AM #7 Maybe she is lazy and it would have been disingenuous for her to reframe the sentence or use a different adjective.
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Salmon77 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2014 Location: PNW Posts: 1,394 10 106 hugs given	Aug 12, 2020 at 11:28 AM #10 I'd say something. Not because I'd want to fix her or whatever, but generally I mention it whenever T does something that bothers me. It has an effect on your relationship with her and that's worth talking about.
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