Like T2 but she’s blowing it

I really liked T2 even with the snafoo that left me sitting in my car for 20 minutes. She is an art T so she wanted me to do an artistic timeline for our next session. I told her I wasn’t really comfortable with that but I had some other art ideas if art felt safe but that art might not feel safe yet. She said OK. Then I emailed her because I have delayed reactions and wanted to let her know I thought overall things went well and I did want to see he again in two weeks. She pushed the art stuff again. I politely said no, I’m not comfortable enough yet the art makes me feel to vulnerable and scared. She replied asking for art showing her what vulnerable and scared looked like. I sent her a photograph of what I look like when I am feeling scared and vulnerable (I fluff my “feathers” and look like a bad a* that has it all together) and told her art didn’t feel safe. She asked for a drawing or painting of vulnerable. Now I am totally triggered on like 4 different levels. I have told her I will not discuss anything farther with her until our next session. She has supervision with T1 today. I did call him and tell him I am triggered and at a 7 (he has a 0-10 scale and doesn’t want me over a 5) and having flashbacks. I didn’t go into why on his voicemail because I already feel like I am being a tattle tale but I tried to set the boundary with T2 before I got upset. I know she just doesn’t know, she is very enthusiastic about working with me and has seen art I did for T1 (I gave him permission to show her not thinking I would ever work with her). She has a REALLY big heart and would feel horrible if she knew how upset she has me. I don’t know if she will tell him what happened when she sees him for supervision today or not. I see him next Monday (can’t get here soon enough) and then have an appointment with her the following week.
This is so totally why I get sui if I think I’m going to have to stop working with T1 (finances) and go to another T.
I like her but I am not sure if my willingness to still see her in two weeks is legitimate and we might be able to fix it or if I am just trying to please T1.

Hugs, Omers. Sorry, but she sounds pretty clueless. For you to say that art makes you feel too vulnerable, then for her to ask you to...create art showing what that vulnerability looks like? I hope she'll talk about something with it in supervision with your T. But that also seems pretty complicated, the relationship.

Owners, I am sorry this is so complicated.

In my experience, these are the types of things that can be a little complicated when we see two Ts at once. However, since you like her and think it will work keep commuicating with both of your Ts.

When EMDR T was pushing me too soon I one day just sort of blurted our that I needed to slow down a bit. I told her that while I thought we could do good work it takes me a while to be able to open up and trust her. It was really awkward but she handled it well and she backed off a bit.

My T used to ask me to bring art work in, but I feel really vulnerable with it too.

Maybe she thought that you already knew she was an art T and that's why you wanted to work with her as a 2nd T so badly? Art Ts are most comfortable working with their clients art, they have been known to do talking, music, dance etc but that's not their expertise.

Thanks. If she shares with T1 he should catch pretty quickly at least 85% of what she has triggered in me. He has really good rapport with her too so hopefully he can say it firmly enough for her to hear it without making her insecure. I *think* it is a combination of enthusiasm and insecurity that is causing her to miss all my cues, although I will own that I am not easy to read... even when I say things directly because my affect doesn’t always match the words (I stay super calm and in control). I know he should make the connection to a very traumatizing first therapy experience I shared with him. He knows that being seen makes me feel the most scared/vulnerable (as opposed to being heard). I am not sure if he will catch that it is tying into the childhood abuse and reinacting even more family dynamics.... oh why can’t I be simple and trigger on one old thing at a time?
She is excited about working with me, she felt a connection with me, she wants to help. I know when I have seen her in the waiting area with new clients who were more visibly upset and scared she was very quiet and gentle... not the hyper, bubbly, ditsy T I saw. But she even said how unusual it was for her to have especially a first session with a client who wasn’t terrified and crying even though we both acknowledged I was anxious. Most of her clients that I have seen come right after being discharged from rehab or inpatient. And, I’m pretty sure she “knows better” than to do what she is doing to me. She has a picture in her office that she did about therapy and it clearly says safety first.

T1 said if anything went wrong and the three of us needed to talk we could. I know he and I both assumed the three of us would talk in his office. His office has a lot more room, it is obviously where he is most comfortable and it is a safe place for me and I assume her. Is it wrong that if we have to meet I don’t want her in my safe space/his office? Her office would be cramped with three of us but I would even be OK outside of it wasn’t too hot over having her in my safe place. I’m OK with T1 moderating but I don’t want to see her in his office... which is odd for me, I’ve never been possessive of his office before... but then I’d have a death grip around him and my head buried into his shoulder like a little kid hiding behind a parents leg if it weren’t for this d* pandemic.

OK, so I can like her as a person and it is still possible she sucks as a T. I have a message to T1 that I need to connect with him as he is my safety. Then I see him Monday. Unless something wild and crazy happens before my next appointment with T2 I am currently planning on terminating with her at that appointment. You don’t force yourself on a client when you are a T especially if they have been open enough to let you know they have a SA history.
Sigh
T1 might be disappointed in me but I am sure we can get through it.
Trying not to talk to H about it which is hard. H already went off on me for setting her up and for causing the problem to begin with. So... there may be lots of rambling on this thread...

I think your instincts here are spot on. I think she's too invested in being successful with you because you are the client of her supervisor. That is a complicated dynamic, and who needs more complication?

Well, I blew up last night... it was that or SI... So... we shall see. T1 has never seen anything remotely like last night out of me in the nearly two years we have worked together.... it has its own thread as it was more reactive than this post where I was still able to keep things somewhat contained and mature.