Does he have a risk to lose his licence?

I have a question.
I had romantic relationships with my ex pdoc. Now he is saying that we can't be together without hiding it because he would lose his licence. He is not T, so Im not sure about it, does pdocs have the same rules about being in relationships with ex patients?
Now it's over and I feel really hurt but I don't see any reason to do harm to him, but he is afraid of me. And when we were dating, he always was afraid of someone seeing us together.
Sometimes Im wondering if we ever could be in marriage and he could still work if he was my doc. Does it really matter? I dont believe that there is someone who checks it.

I don’t know what the official laws and rules would be but it’s morally wrong, unethical and he took advantage of you.

I would report him to make sure he doesn't behave like this with anyone else. It can do irreversible damage when pdocs, Ts, any professional behaves this way. The fact that he is scared of you and never let it be public shows how wrong it is and he knows it.

No, he didn't. I know much about his ex girfriends, he told me. He always told me that it was wrong to do something romantic with his patient and that he would never do it again.
I met him when he was in his last year of studies, so It was first year he was working alone as a doc and we gad relationships for two years.

He didn't do what? If he's just a person who is a pdoc then of course a relationship is fine. But if you were his client then it isn't. But seeing as he is afraid to lose his licence, that suggests he has done something very wrong. Unless I have completely misunderstood.

Sorry. I mean he didn't have relationships with other patients, Im sure about it. I was his patient, so he is afraid because he broke up with me.

Where I am it is considered significantly less ethical for a Pdoc to have a romantic relationship than a T.

I don't mean to be rude but I feel like you are not understanding the gravity of the situation. It is completely wrong on all levels. It is not right it is not okay. He took advantage of you and he should lose his license.

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Originally Posted by lunatic soul No, he didn't. I know much about his ex girfriends, he told me. He always told me that it was wrong to do something romantic with his patient and that he would never do it again. I met him when he was in his last year of studies, so It was first year he was working alone as a doc and we gad relationships for two years.

A psychiatrist's relationship with his patients is much more like a therapist's relationship than like a "regular" MD's is. Having a relationship outside of the professional one is strictly out of boundaries for a psychiatrist, because it is considered to be an exploitation of the patient's vulnerability.

I don't know where you live, but in my state and in most others such a relationship is illegal and the psychiatrist stands to lose his license over such a crossing of professional boundaries.

I'm not at all surprised that he doesn't want to see you anymore - and that he did his best to hide the relationship before it ended. He fears losing his license.

Perhaps you are the first patient he's has an outside-of-office relationship with, but I can promise that you won't be the last. He broke off your relationship? He might already have set his sights on another patient - or be involved with someone.

Have you discussed this with your therapist? If not, I can't emphasize how important it is for you to do so.

Good luck.

If you don’t want to hurt him stay away from him and move on. It was wrong and he knows it.

Going by your previous posts you had or intended to have sexual relationships with several therapists or pdocs. Unless it’s all the same person?

They should not ever have any kind of relationships with clients or patients. The minute they suggest you know they are very wrong on many levels

I know him for almost 3 years, we started to have something after three months. We had on/off relationships. Much pain, broken heart, other partners for me when we wasnt together.
Maybe I called him T talking about him here because I was afraid he could read my posts and people mostly talked about their Ts, so I felt safer saying he is T not doc. Im still afraid he might read this.

My T is female, I started to see her at the time I started to have relationships with my doc, so its also for almost three years. I didn't have any other T at this time.

I didn't have anything romantic or sexual with another doc or t. I had romantic transference for my first T years ago but very soon I was remembering my delusional feelings as something silly. It didn't last long because I met cool guy and got together with him and my transference for T faded away. It was long ago, I was so young and stupid.

So saying phrases that I wanted to sleep with several docs and Ts is like... I can't even find the words. It feels like you cry for help but someone says something bad about you witch is not even true.

and Im sad I didn't make new account here to ask for information

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Originally Posted by lunatic soul I know him for almost 3 years, we started to have something after three months. We had on/off relationships. Much pain, broken heart, other partners for me when we wasnt together. Maybe I called him T talking about him here because I was afraid he could read my posts and people mostly talked about their Ts, so I felt safer saying he is T not doc. Im still afraid he might read this. My T is female, I started to see her at the time I started to have relationships with my doc, so its also for almost three years. I didn't have any other T at this time. I didn't have anything romantic or sexual with another doc or t. I had romantic transference for my first T years ago but very soon I was remembering my delusional feelings as something silly. It didn't last long because I met cool guy and got together with him and my transference for T faded away. It was long ago, I was so young and stupid. So saying phrases that I wanted to sleep with several docs and Ts is like... I can't even find the words. It feels like you cry for help but someone says something bad about you witch is not even true. and Im sad I didn't make new account here to ask for information

Forgive me for stepping in, but as I read Divine's post I don't think she meant to be critical of you. I think she's confused because you have referred to what sounds like different providers. I'm glad you've clarified that the relationship you had was with the same pdoc.

I'm not reading any of the replies on this thread as judging you. I'm reading them as answers to the question you asked: "Does he have a risk to lose his license?" And the answer to your question is yes.

There is a reason why he doesnt want to see me anymore and it hurts, its serious reason and its not about his job. But it seems I would regret if I told this in here because I dont want to be jugded and also its too risky because how can I know that he doesnt read it, its public forum.

I told about this to my T. She didnt say that its abuse or that I should report him. The only thing she said was that he must not be my doc never ever if I slept with him because he cant see me as a patient and can't help me. Thats all.

Thank you!

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Originally Posted by lunatic soul I know him for almost 3 years, we started to have something after three months. We had on/off relationships. Much pain, broken heart, other partners for me when we wasnt together. Maybe I called him T talking about him here because I was afraid he could read my posts and people mostly talked about their Ts, so I felt safer saying he is T not doc. Im still afraid he might read this. My T is female, I started to see her at the time I started to have relationships with my doc, so its also for almost three years. I didn't have any other T at this time. I didn't have anything romantic or sexual with another doc or t. I had romantic transference for my first T years ago but very soon I was remembering my delusional feelings as something silly. It didn't last long because I met cool guy and got together with him and my transference for T faded away. It was long ago, I was so young and stupid. So saying phrases that I wanted to sleep with several docs and Ts is like... I can't even find the words. It feels like you cry for help but someone says something bad about you witch is not even true. and Im sad I didn't make new account here to ask for information

I didn’t get the impression at all that @divine1966 was accusing or implying that you sleep around with different doctors or providers. I think she wanted clarification. So to understand: you have only had this one relationship with a doctor or provider and no other people? So any references made were really only about this guy ? More importantly I think you need to grasp the severity of the situation. It is NEVER OK to have this sort of relationship with a client.

I most certainly do not criticize you lunatic soul. It’s not your fault that this horrible person (I thought there was more than one, my bad) pursued you in that fashion. It’s most certainly wrong on all levels for them to do this to you

I think that responsibility is on both sides. I fell in love with him, he wanted sex and then also fell in love. I forgot very fast that he was my doc because we didn't mix therapy and sex together, we didn't have official sessions, I didn't feel like his patient, it seems like past.

He hurt me but not because he was my doc. He hurt me because he was married and cheated on his wife. He hurt both of us and it was unhealthy, selfish and wrong relationships not because he was my doc but because I was his lover, he never gave me all of him.
Like many women who are lovers of married men, I also had a hope that one day we could be together but he left me and became so stressful that I could report him that I started to think that maybe we could never be together if he wants to do his job.

To answer your question: Does he have a risk to lose his licence?

That depends on the laws in your area. In most areas, there is a risk he could lose his license. The only way that risk could be realized is if someone reported him. Usually this is the patient because most people that you would meet in public would not know you were his patient. The situation sounds very complex and the possibility of it being reported by someone other than you seems plausible given the other relationships in his life.

Should you report him? That's a hard one and doesn't sound like you are at a place to do so. Is there a risk he'd do this with another patient? Yeah. He's done it once, so he's already crossed that line once. Will he never do it again? Yeah, that's also a possibility. He might see what he did as unethical and vow never to do it again. Again, hard to say. I think the best advice I can give is for you to keep working through your feelings and the ins and outs of that relationship with your T. He crossed many boundaries by becoming sexually/romantically involved with you, when he did and how he did it. Poor judgement? Sexual predator? Seems like you think it was something more like the first. It will take time to sort out. I think right now, taking care of yourself is the most important thing. That may lead to you never saying anything about this to anyone else, it might lead to you talking about it to some but no formal reporting, or it might move to formal reporting as you start to see how things played out and if you see them any differently. (ETA) None of these are right or wrong, they are only some of the options you have.

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Originally Posted by lunatic soul I think that responsibility is on both sides. I fell in love with him, he wanted sex and then also fell in love. I forgot very fast that he was my doc because we didn't mix therapy and sex together, we didn't have official sessions, I didn't feel like his patient, it seems like past. He hurt me but not because he was my doc. He hurt me because he was married and cheated on his wife. He hurt both of us and it was unhealthy, selfish and wrong relationships not because he was my doc but because I was his lover, he never gave me all of him. Like many women who are lovers of married men, I also had a hope that one day we could be together but he left me and became so stressful that I could report him that I started to think that maybe we could never be together if he wants to do his job.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with you for falling in love with him. That experience is called "transference" when it happens with a pdoc or T. It's normal, and expected, from patients.

What was wrong was that he used his role as a parental figure (which is what pdocs and T's are, do you know?) and exploited you.

Furthermore, it doesn't sound to me like you are in a position to have an "open marriage" situation. By that I mean all adults are aware of each other's existence and roles. That does not sound like something that would be healthy for you, at all.

So. To summarize: this scumbag used you and he cheated on his wife. He stands to lose his marriage and his license, children if his are young...and has left you with feelings of shame, guilt, grief...shattered, with no resolution.

The dude is
m e s s e d u p.

And now he's messed you up by not taking responsibility for his bullsh*t.

All wrong. This so needs to be worked through in therapy, soul.