Couch 219: The Goose Drank Wine

Also Amelia came this morning when I called her in for breakfast!!!! I'm so happy she listened to me and came when she heard me calling her. It feels like such a big step.

Ugh. I'm not sure about this IOP thing.

First, they can't even give me a ballpark on how much this is going to cost me. She was giving me ranges of like $40 to $400 per session. That makes me uneasy. I don't want to get stuck with a bill in the thousands of dollars for this.

Second, it seems to be very CBT-focused. I'm not a huge fan of CBT and I've found it invalidating before.

Third, the meeting with the therapist was just off-putting. She asked me a bunch of questions and she was loudly clacking away on her keyboard. I find that so irritating. She asked me what problems I have identified and want to work on and I was thinking, lady, where do I even start. The first thing that came up was lack of motivation to do work because it's one element of why I took leave. But then that became the entirety of the treatment plan. There was no where does the lack of motivation come from or any interest in anything else it seemed like.

Fourth, I have to see a psychiatrist once a week, with no idea how much I'm paying them, even though I've opted to stick with the current NP for med management for now.

If I continue, I think I'd only be doing it because my therapist wants me to. I'm just not sure how much benefit I'm going to get from this. I'm open to anyone's thoughts on this if you have any.

Generally things I do because others want them for me, not me for myself, don't work out.

Have you gone on meds yet? If you liked the NP (no relation) I would stick with her.

The therapist...probably the result of your meeting ("work on this") comes from the CBT orientation. But I have to say I'm very much coming around to the school of thought that the whys are overrated. My feeling is one doesn't need really detailed whys to recognize things one needs to change in one's behavior, just a general sense of recognition that "I'm doing my pattern" and knowing how to interrupt it. I haven't found whys to help in my therapy, but others may differ.

As for CBT, haven't tried it, did try DBT, found it infantilizing. But since things are so bad now, CBT might be worth a second try?

And the price, they should totally be clearer. Like, what's the difference between $40 and $400 dollars? Therapy at a day spa?

Kit and gentle hugs to Esther too. $50 is a lot better than $200 that's for sure! I hope she is feeling better soon!


Rascal's (diabetic cat) mobility is getting worse. I feel so bad for him. He has now taken to drinking while laying down; he's never done that before. (We have both the cat fountain and a water bowl for them.) The vet had said it is likely arthritis but said we could do xrays to verify, we decided to go ahead and do that since he seems worse, I scheduled it for a week from today. H and I are discussing what our upper limit is on what we're going to spend if it's not arthritis and they want to do more testing etc. I hate to even have to think that way, but he is 13, and it doesn't make sense to put him through a lot of testing and stuff, he doesn't act like he's in pain or anything, like that day he howled all day then laid down out in the pouring rain, when we took him in and found out he was diabetic. He's acting normal except he can't walk very well, he eats fine, doesn't have any trouble using the litter box, etc. So we'll see what we find out next week.


I remember my old cat King that I'd had for years before I ever met h, that lived to be like 18 and by that time my son was already in cub scouts. I insisted we do whatever we could to keep him alive because he had been with me through SO much, I couldn't let him go and after the fact I realized how cruel that probably was to him, to keep him alive for my sake when he was clearly miserable and so clearly in bad shape. Rascal is no where near that bad off, so I am hopeful that we can figure something out. Maybe there are medications they can give him, I don't know.

Awwww that's so sweet!

Hey couchies! Went for a drink after work with my coworkers, had a nice time. I always have a nice time yet I still convince myself it will be horrible. A three day weekend and all I have planned is housekeeping. Blergh.

Hugs for all who want one. Stay safe and healthy!

I went to buy a new microwave yesterday as mine died but can you buy them instore? No evrything has to be ordered via the website as they are out of stock in my price range. I wont have a microwave for 6-8 weeks.

Not that i mind but it uses up gas heating on the stove

Holy carp i'd be lost without my microwave.

I dont use it a lot but my daughter does and when i use it i appreciate the convenience. Like my life is sooo hectic i dont hav etike to stand at the stove stiring something lol

I also hate living inthe middle of nowhere right now

I'm massively out of sorts right now. I'm still having pretty bad hip pain and the doctor's office hasn't called about my epidural steroid injection even though I know the insurance approved it. So I'll have to call on Tuesday to figure that out. I have muscle relaxants, but they don't seem to help at all and tylenol only reduces the pain a little.

The withdrawal from Abilify is not as bad this week as it was last; I'm just anxious and depressed rather than bursting into tears and having anger overtake me. And the facial tremors are happening less and less frequently, although one did happen during class this week. Nobody seemed to notice too much, though.

I am finding it difficult to get to sleep lately. I used to take the Abilify at night but switched to taking it in the morning a couple of weeks ago. I didn't take a nap today or anything and I still can't get to sleep. I might go take a trazodone (old school antidepressant) if I can't get to sleep by 11:30.

That would be the logical decision. My car is a hybrid and has the cheapest monthly payment, but H says that it hurts his back to drive my car and it doesn't have adaptive cruise control so it would hurt too much to drive long distances.

I did the math... by trading in both our cars for this new car, we save $65 a month. So I lose my car solely because he wants a new car.

Oh! He's transferring his stereo from his old car to the new car.

I'm married to a selfish *****.

Tbh my friend uses the dead microwave to store stuff. I don't miss having a microwave, since I've learned how to heat up stuff without it thanks to Google. Eg cold rice just becomes fried rice and most frozen food heats up fine in a pan over the stove.

Haven't figured out how to heat up stuff like a frozen lasagna though! Since we don't have an oven. Just rice cooker, slow cooker, a couple of pots and pans.

Or stuff like baos which have to be steamed or microwaved.

Ok rang around and found a place that lets you do click and collect the microwave was abit out of my price range but hey had afterpay i just had to drive a little way out of town to get it

My cat sitting under his portrait. Ha haha

I cant work out why sometimes my pics are upside down its the right way on twitter btw thats a tutorial version of Le Chat Noir by some known to Toulouse Lautrec

NP, it sounds like you're figuring out that this place might not be a good fit for you, and it might be a good thing to trust your own intuition, especially if you think it seems like it will be an invalidating environment. Have you thought about a full DBT program? DBT can really help reduce suicidal ideation, which I know has been a concern in the past and may be particularly important to have help with once you finish up with your T.

I can see why some people would find DBT infantilizing, but I really like that it gives you actual things to do when you feel just so incredibly awful and other things to try to prevent the awfulness from happening in the first place. That kind of approach can help empower you to be able to rely on yourself more so you won't run the risk of being in this terrible situation again with another therapist who might have to leave in the future. I like mixing in other therapeutic approaches to help me go deeper and understand the "why," and I like that DBT gives me the foundation to explore without getting so overwhelmed and dysregulated.

Above all else, it seems like you would benefit tremendously from providers who are very experienced in trauma treatment. You've dealt with a lot, both in your marriage and with your parents, and you deserve to have providers who can help you continue to unpack that and figure out how to manage the way it has impacted you.

Can't you just tell him no, that you're not giving up your car? You're married--you should be able to veto things like that.

You could get a job as a forger!