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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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#981
I feel like I am in a bit of a crisis. I just saw Pdoc yesterday and basically convinced him I am generally okay which I think I am. I'm having transference, not towards T but towards my coworker and it's so painful. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I don't see T this week, so it would have to wait until next week to talk to T about it which I'm not sure how that would go. My thoughts are getting all dark and cloudy and I've been up early the past two mornings with hallucinations. Sigh. Life is very hard.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
chihirochild, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,765
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#982
Hugs, Kit...could you try to get an earlier appointment with your T? Or even possibly see Pastor T?
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,765
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#983
Well, that was a ...painful session. To the extent that I'm going to start T shopping...
Perhaps Dr. T's increased Covid empathy had a 6-month limit... |
chihirochild, goatee, NP_Complete, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#984
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
LonesomeTonight
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,412
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10 6,427 hugs
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#985
I'm sorry LT! Is there any possible way to repair the rupture like you have in the past?
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#986
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,765
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
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#987
Quote:
Note that I'm fully aware that many T's don't do email. But this has been an agreement since the beginning that we've discussed multiple times. He never said he wished he didn't have to do it. Just that he charges for longer ones (or if I sent a whole bunch of short ones), which I accepted. The vast majority of time, he didn't charge me (even when he said it took him >15 minutes). So feel sort of deceived. And it's also very reminiscent of stuff that happened with ex-T and ex-MC regarding email, so it's particularly triggering. And he said this is why I need to be relying on other people in my life. Because I'm never going to be satisfied with the boundaries in the therapeutic relationship. And he also confirmed that he'd be less supportive and accepting once Covid starts going away. And would push me more. And that he knows it will be hard for me. Plus some other stuff. Like my bringing up how he seems to get uncomfortable any time I bring up the inner child stuff, and he questioned what I meant. And I said he seemed visibly uncomfortable, always tried to use other language for it, shift the topic to something else, etc. That there's a lot I want to explore with that, but I feel I can't because of his reactions. So...I don't know if it's fixable or not. I really appreciate all the support he's giving me during Covid. I seriously doubt many therapists would allow sessions this frequent or...well, I was going to say allow outside contact. Which I guess he does, but he just doesn't like it. And now it also sort of feels like his greater compassion and support during Covid is just an act. So...I think I'm at least going to look at some other T's, maybe contact a couple, have free 15-minute consults for ones that allow that. I think I need a T with a different method of working. And probably a female. |
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NP_Complete, Polibeth, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
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#988
Quote:
That being said, maybe this is an opportunity for you to find someone skilled in attachment work, someone who can skillfully navigate transference? You deserve that, LT, someone who can work with you as you are. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Polibeth, Quietmind 2, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,412
(SuperPoster!)
10 6,427 hugs
given |
#989
For at least the email part, maybe you can look at it a different way. Imagine your H hates doing dishes. And let's say you're sick and/or depressed and just need more support. So your H does the dishes for you. He HATES it, but he does it because he cares about you.
Could that be similar to what T is doing? __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
SlumberKitty
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ArtleyWilkins, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,765
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#990
Quote:
Hm, that's a good point. And I think it's what T was sort of getting at. So in other words, I could look at it as more of a sign of caring/support that he's willing to do that? |
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SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,765
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
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#991
Quote:
Thanks, Chihiro. Yes, so much of this is longing and attachment stuff. Like it triggers all these other things. I think Dr. T has trouble getting that, where this isn't all just about the email... I just emailed a few T's from Psychology Today who sounded like they could potentially be the type of therapist I might need right now. A couple even take my insurance! Which I assume may mean I could only do a session a week, but I don't know... |
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chihirochild, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,787
5 7 hugs
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#992
Quote:
Your therapist made adjustments for an unusual circumstance. He did that because he knew it was the right and ethical thing to do under those unusual circumstances. But he also knows he cannot continue in the same fashion forever without actually causing harm - to you and to himself. You've never liked change and have tended to take it personally as some kind of affront or betrayal, but this doesn't sound like that. This is a therapist working back toward some normalcy. Perhaps this is an opportunity to work on adjusting to change. |
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SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
10 106 hugs
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#993
Quote:
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SlumberKitty
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ArtleyWilkins, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,871
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#994
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SlumberKitty
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atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Closed Thread |
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