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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 12:36 PM
  #981
I feel like I am in a bit of a crisis. I just saw Pdoc yesterday and basically convinced him I am generally okay which I think I am. I'm having transference, not towards T but towards my coworker and it's so painful. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I don't see T this week, so it would have to wait until next week to talk to T about it which I'm not sure how that would go. My thoughts are getting all dark and cloudy and I've been up early the past two mornings with hallucinations. Sigh. Life is very hard.

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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 12:48 PM
  #982
Hugs, Kit...could you try to get an earlier appointment with your T? Or even possibly see Pastor T?
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 12:50 PM
  #983
Well, that was a ...painful session. To the extent that I'm going to start T shopping...

Perhaps Dr. T's increased Covid empathy had a 6-month limit...
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 12:51 PM
  #984
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Hugs, Kit...could you try to get an earlier appointment with your T? Or even possibly see Pastor T?
I guess it is worth asking.

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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 12:53 PM
  #985
I'm sorry LT! Is there any possible way to repair the rupture like you have in the past?

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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 12:54 PM
  #986
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Well, that was a ...painful session. To the extent that I'm going to start T shopping...

Perhaps Dr. T's increased Covid empathy had a 6-month limit...
HUGS LT

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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 01:07 PM
  #987
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I'm sorry LT! Is there any possible way to repair the rupture like you have in the past?
Thanks, Scarlet. I don't know. He said that he doesn't like having to respond to client emails, that he'd rather not do it. When he's been doing that for me for 3 years. And I said how before he'd said he considered it a part of his job. And he said (today), "We all have parts of our job that we'd rather not have to do." He said he's willing to do it for me. But would prefer not to have to in general.

Note that I'm fully aware that many T's don't do email. But this has been an agreement since the beginning that we've discussed multiple times. He never said he wished he didn't have to do it. Just that he charges for longer ones (or if I sent a whole bunch of short ones), which I accepted. The vast majority of time, he didn't charge me (even when he said it took him >15 minutes). So feel sort of deceived. And it's also very reminiscent of stuff that happened with ex-T and ex-MC regarding email, so it's particularly triggering.

And he said this is why I need to be relying on other people in my life. Because I'm never going to be satisfied with the boundaries in the therapeutic relationship.

And he also confirmed that he'd be less supportive and accepting once Covid starts going away. And would push me more. And that he knows it will be hard for me.

Plus some other stuff. Like my bringing up how he seems to get uncomfortable any time I bring up the inner child stuff, and he questioned what I meant. And I said he seemed visibly uncomfortable, always tried to use other language for it, shift the topic to something else, etc. That there's a lot I want to explore with that, but I feel I can't because of his reactions.

So...I don't know if it's fixable or not. I really appreciate all the support he's giving me during Covid. I seriously doubt many therapists would allow sessions this frequent or...well, I was going to say allow outside contact. Which I guess he does, but he just doesn't like it.

And now it also sort of feels like his greater compassion and support during Covid is just an act.

So...I think I'm at least going to look at some other T's, maybe contact a couple, have free 15-minute consults for ones that allow that. I think I need a T with a different method of working. And probably a female.
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 01:10 PM
  #988
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Well, that was a ...painful session. To the extent that I'm going to start T shopping...

Perhaps Dr. T's increased Covid empathy had a 6-month limit...
Ugh, I'm sorry LT. It's so painful when therapists disappoint. I, at least, get all muddled in longing and attachment and transactional relationships and desire and it hurts like hell.

That being said, maybe this is an opportunity for you to find someone skilled in attachment work, someone who can skillfully navigate transference? You deserve that, LT, someone who can work with you as you are.
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 01:31 PM
  #989
For at least the email part, maybe you can look at it a different way. Imagine your H hates doing dishes. And let's say you're sick and/or depressed and just need more support. So your H does the dishes for you. He HATES it, but he does it because he cares about you.

Could that be similar to what T is doing?

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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 01:47 PM
  #990
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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
For at least the email part, maybe you can look at it a different way. Imagine your H hates doing dishes. And let's say you're sick and/or depressed and just need more support. So your H does the dishes for you. He HATES it, but he does it because he cares about you.

Could that be similar to what T is doing?

Hm, that's a good point. And I think it's what T was sort of getting at. So in other words, I could look at it as more of a sign of caring/support that he's willing to do that?
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 01:51 PM
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Ugh, I'm sorry LT. It's so painful when therapists disappoint. I, at least, get all muddled in longing and attachment and transactional relationships and desire and it hurts like hell.

That being said, maybe this is an opportunity for you to find someone skilled in attachment work, someone who can skillfully navigate transference? You deserve that, LT, someone who can work with you as you are.

Thanks, Chihiro. Yes, so much of this is longing and attachment stuff. Like it triggers all these other things. I think Dr. T has trouble getting that, where this isn't all just about the email...


I just emailed a few T's from Psychology Today who sounded like they could potentially be the type of therapist I might need right now. A couple even take my insurance! Which I assume may mean I could only do a session a week, but I don't know...
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 03:13 PM
  #992
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Hm, that's a good point. And I think it's what T was sort of getting at. So in other words, I could look at it as more of a sign of caring/support that he's willing to do that?
Nothing has been normal for the last 6 months. As a teacher, I am absolutely certain I have handled things in ways I would have never done otherwise, simply because the abnormality of the situation warranted a certain flexibility - a lot of flexibility actually. I wasn't thrilled about it - I moaned and groaned about it, but it was the right thing to do at the time and did what needed to be done. However, trust me, pulling in those boundaries and getting back to a more routine and honestly a more effective way of teaching is vital and inevitably has to happen at some point.

Your therapist made adjustments for an unusual circumstance. He did that because he knew it was the right and ethical thing to do under those unusual circumstances. But he also knows he cannot continue in the same fashion forever without actually causing harm - to you and to himself.

You've never liked change and have tended to take it personally as some kind of affront or betrayal, but this doesn't sound like that. This is a therapist working back toward some normalcy. Perhaps this is an opportunity to work on adjusting to change.
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 03:44 PM
  #993
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he seems to get uncomfortable any time I bring up the inner child stuff, and he questioned what I meant. And I said he seemed visibly uncomfortable, always tried to use other language for it, shift the topic to something else, etc.
A few times the "inner child" concept has come up in my therapy and my T always has a couple disclaimers around it, says it got kind of twisted into a ridiculous stereotype a while back. Might be he's defensive about it.
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Default Oct 08, 2020 at 04:26 PM
  #994
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