Ts Response To Anger

Although I’m not currently able to receive therapy due to Covid, I’ve been trying to understand more about some of my feelings that I have when I’m in sessions so that when I do return I’m perhaps a little more insightful. One of the things that really seems to be an issue is feelings of anger.
I find anger a really hard emotion to deal with and I generally bury it or turn it on myself rather than express it outwardly. On the couple of occasions when I have been angry at T and she has picked up on this her response has been ‘it’s fine that you’re angry at me.’ Rationally I know that she is trying to validate what I’m feeling, however that response does the exact opposite and I end up feel completely invalidated.
I’ve been trying to figure out why and I think I end up feeling like she doesn’t care that she has caused me to be angry, she’s not bothered that she has put me in a place where I feel such a distressing emotion. I guess it feels like her saying ‘well you’re angry at me but it doesn’t bother me at all, your emotions have no affect on me.’ It makes me feel like she is superior to me and I’m just a silly little girl and she doesn’t actually believe I am valid in being angry with her. I guess I want her to be upset at the fact that she has made me angry and her response to be something along the lines of ‘how can I fix this.’
Anyone else have this problem? Do you ever have a completely adverse reaction when all your T is doing is attempting to validate your feelings?

Yes I have a problem with it too. If I am visibly angry and T says he can see I'm angry I just shut down and can't show it anymore. I'm embarrassed he saw how I was feeling.

I think they are trying to teach us to be responsible for our own feelings, as in normal life our emotions are just ours to deal with and own... and how we react to them is important and impacts our life and relationships in a big way.

I have trouble expressing anger and if my T responded the way yours did I would also find it invalidating. The few times I have been angry at T 1. He avoids the word angry 2. He acknowledges he has done something that is upsetting to me 3. He asks if it is OK to talk about what happened that upset me OR the feelings under the anger... he said something inconsistent that made me think he was lying and I got scared that all of this is a lie so I got angry for an example.

Yeah, it tends to piss me off (more than I already was) when they do that. Like I'm the unreasonable idiot and they're just neutrally observing me, and it's good because they understand things from it (except the one thing I desperately want them to understand), and it's all just transference anyway. ****, I got angry just from typing this, lol. Not acknowledging that I might have a valid reason to be angry is both hurtful and counter-productive in as much that it makes me more angry.

BTW, one of the most useful things that ex-T said to me when we were trying to sort things out post-termination was that 'by the way it's kinda scary when you get so angry' - well, why not let me know that before the relationship was beyond repair? I wouldn't have gotten half so angry if I got an honest response like that, instead of all that superior therapist ********. And I do recognise that ******** is probably their way of coping in a scary situation, but ... it's obviously a ****** coping mechanism?