How do you know?

Crook32 · Sep 17, 2020 at 03:05 PM

I feel like my T and I are still trying to figure thing out. How do you know if or when you should find a new T or give up therapy completely? Is it teletherapy that is a problem, is it her or is it me or am I just getting better or all of the above? I hate teletherapy so it could be I won’t be comfortable with anybody. I guess I will find out soon because in 2 weeks I am supposed to see her in person.

ArtleyWilkins · Sep 17, 2020 at 03:35 PM

I guess you need to figure out if your angst with therapy right now is primarily the teletherapy thing, or if, even if you were meeting with your therapist in person, you feel like you two just aren't able to communicate well.

If it is the teletherapy, is it the video aspect? Would regular phone calls work better than the awkwardness of the whole zoom thing? I know I personally hate video conferencing - give me a regular old phone call any day. It feels more "normal."

But if it is this gut feeling that this therapist and you just don't click in a way that is helpful for you, maybe it is time to explore other therapists. Don't completely stop with this one until you've found a replacement (or until you decide you just don't want/need therapy right now). Maybe when you meet her in person you will have a better feel for the issue. Hope you gain some clarity after meeting her.

Rive. · Sep 21, 2020 at 12:07 PM

In a nutshell, through gut feeling. Ime, that's the most reliable indicator when you quieten all the other voices and thoughts etc.

nottrustin · Sep 21, 2020 at 01:53 PM

I am struggling with this very thing. I know it is teletherapy because we were make progress and we worked well together before COVID. Now I feel like all progress has stopped and the connection is gone. I struggle to go to my appointments, fear being judged etc. None of this was an issue in the past.

I finally sent her a text telling her we need talk about it at our next appointment. So it is on the agenda for tomorrow

LonesomeTonight · Sep 21, 2020 at 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rive.

In a nutshell, through gut feeling. Ime, that's the most reliable indicator when you quieten all the other voices and thoughts etc.

Gut feeling for me as well. Even during a couple times when I had serious doubts (and friends said I should leave--and I did leave briefly), I just had a feeling I should stay, that this T could help me. And I feel he really has (even though I have a way to go). And I'm particularly glad I trusted my instinct because he's been really helpful and has shifted his therapeutic persona in a good way since the pandemic started.

I will say, my gut has led me wrong in the past, particularly with romantic relationships. And maybe it would have been better if, for a stretch there, I had seen another T for a while (I did see one for 2 weeks, but not sure that really counts).

But I also think it can help to try out other T's if you're not sure. Because trying other T's (a couple) helped me realize I should stick with the one I have. And also trying him after seeing the same T for 6 years before that made me realize I needed to switch. So, I say try consulting with someone else.

*Beth* · Sep 21, 2020 at 05:25 PM

Don't decide, or even try to decide, anything until you've seen her f2f at least twice. That's my advice.

The teletherapy thing is difficult, so difficult. I had an appt. with my T today and she mentioned how, with tele, therapists and clients have to "make an effort" to connect. I thought...oh, so she feels it, too

Crook32 · Sep 21, 2020 at 08:08 PM

I have been reluctant to talk about the past which caused my ptsd. I don’t know if it means I have moved past it or am repressing it. This past weekend I did throw ok a lot of stuff from my last job.

I think my problem is that I was so comfortable with my old T even though she had flaws that I have unreal expectations for this one. I wish I could go back but I know that isn’t possible. I just have to look forward whatever that actually looks like. I just have to learn to open up again. It is so hard.

*Beth* · Sep 21, 2020 at 09:53 PM

When I began therapy with my current T I felt so let down. The last T I had, we worked together for 6 years and I loved his style of doing therapy. I was very bonded with him and after I'd seen my current T for a couple of months I told my husband that there's no way I'd ever feel really great about her.

It took a while. At least 6 months. But her style began to feel nurturing to me. It felt good. Before I knew it I felt very connected to her. Now, after two years of therapy with her I've stopped feeling the need to compare the 2 therapists. They are such different people, with different styles.

Give it some time, and definitely f2f.

nottrustin · Sep 21, 2020 at 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

When I began therapy with my current T I felt so let down. The last T I had, we worked together for 6 years and I loved his style of doing therapy. I was very bonded with him and after I'd seen my current T for a couple of months I told my husband that there's no way I'd ever feel really great about her.

It took a while. At least 6 months. But her style began to feel nurturing to me. It felt good. Before I knew it I felt very connected to her. Now, after two years of therapy with her I've stopped feeling the need to compare the 2 therapists. They are such different people, with different styles.

Give it some time, and definitely f2f.

I can totally relate to this.

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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,014 10	Sep 21, 2020 at 12:07 PM #3 In a nutshell, through gut feeling. Ime, that's the most reliable indicator when you quieten all the other voices and thoughts etc.
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Sep 21, 2020 at 05:25 PM #6 Don't decide, or even try to decide, anything until you've seen her f2f at least twice. That's my advice. The teletherapy thing is difficult, so difficult. I had an appt. with my T today and she mentioned how, with tele, therapists and clients have to "make an effort" to connect. I thought...oh, so she feels it, too __________________
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