Don't know how to feel about new T.

I met with a new T today.

First impression, not bad but I just can't help but compare her to previous Ts. Her voice is so quite (I thought I speak like a mouse but she's like next level), and I feel like she is just a bit too 'compassionate'. I don't like hearing things like 'it must been very hard for you', 'oh you been through a lot' especially not in a soft voice cos that just feels like she feels pity for me, and I hate that. The T that I have been working with is just much more firm, and much more direct, and I kind of preferred that approach because she doesn't seem flinched when I talk about traumatic things, and it makes me feel like she can handle that, so that I can trust her and actually works through those things with her.

anyway though. I haven't yet made my decision whether I want to change or not. practically it's easier with a new T, its a lot closer physically in terms of travelling, and I know ill be in this area for the next four years. however, I definitely feel a lot more comfortable with my current T, maybe that comes with time too.

It can definitely take time to form trust and connection with a new provider. There's nothing wrong with giving some feedback to your therapist too about the things that work and don't work. For example, you can comment on the session and note that you were thinking about some things. "I was thinking, I like how supportive and patient you are, but I also want you to know that I do well when my therapist is assertive or more direct with me." You can give specific examples of areas where you felt like the therapist could have offered a different response. Therapists genuinely want to meet your needs in most cases, so if there are things they can do to adapt to your needs most will try to accommodate those.

You may also find that it is a nice change of pace to have a different style for a while. Sometimes a little extra compassion from our provider helps us then give that compassion to ourselves.

Whatever happens, it's okay to give your therapist feedback. It's also okay to be unsure about how things will progress. It takes time to form a good connection. So long as you're honest, open, and invested in the process you have a good chance for things to go well. Good luck!

Oh my goodness! This sounds exactly like my first impression of my current T! I had to leave ex t when she went on maternity leave, and I was not feeling receptive to new T at all. In addition, she was like you described above. I couldn't stand the way she looked at me with pitying puppy dog eyes as though I was some poor fragile creature dragged in off the street. But, despite my distaste, I stuck with her because ex-T had chosen her for me because of her high level of expertise, and I just didn't know who else I could see.

It's three years on now and I couldn't tell you if she still looks at me with those pitying simpering eyes... if she does, I have become accustomed to her manner of being and I no longer interpret it that way. Although she is still quiet and quite acquiescent in nature she has strengths I did not know about, and neither did I know I needed her to have them. I think this T is actually perfect for me.

So... just saying... if I had left after my first impression of her (actually that feeling probably lasted for a couple months) I would have missed out on a gem.