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Crook32
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Default Sep 22, 2020 at 07:21 PM
  #1
Is it ok to email your old T to see if she can give me other referrals. I don’t want my current T to know because the one before her went crazy when I canceled an appointment and left me with no referrals. I know old T said old clients would sometimes email her with updates so I am hoping my request wasn’t inappropriate. I haven’t seen her in five months. It was just short and business like so I don’t think it was too bad.
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Default Sep 22, 2020 at 07:47 PM
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It's ok. I'm sure that's done in the biz a lot. The worst she can do is not reply but I bet she will.

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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 01:13 AM
  #3
Yes, it's a common practice. I think it's OK to ask.

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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 06:14 AM
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I think it's appropriate.
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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 08:47 AM
  #5
I think that's totally fine.
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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 02:16 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crook32 View Post
Is it ok to email your old T to see if she can give me other referrals. I don’t want my current T to know because the one before her went crazy when I canceled an appointment and left me with no referrals. I know old T said old clients would sometimes email her with updates so I am hoping my request wasn’t inappropriate. I haven’t seen her in five months. It was just short and business like so I don’t think it was too bad.

I think what you did was perfectly fine.
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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 02:22 PM
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I think it’s totally fine to ask, as well. The worst she can do is decline your request or not answer.
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Default Sep 23, 2020 at 07:27 PM
  #8
I would feel comfortable calling any of my past T’s and asking for a referral, even the one I haven’t worked with since 1997 if I thought she would have the best idea.

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Default Sep 24, 2020 at 12:22 PM
  #9
She said that because I haven’t seen her in 5 months that I need to talk to my current T but I don’t want my current T to know because the last one dropped me on the spot when she knew I was looking around.
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Default Sep 24, 2020 at 12:29 PM
  #10
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She said that because I haven’t seen her in 5 months that I need to talk to my current T but I don’t want my current T to know because the last one dropped me on the spot when she knew I was looking around.
The one who dropped you on the spot sounds like an unprofessional jerk. Good therapists recognize that they won't be right for every single person who sees them, but obviously some therapists are deeply insecure and easily wounded. Do you see signs that your current T would do this too? Maybe you're better off cold-calling (cold-emailing?) a few potential therapists without a referral?
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Default Sep 24, 2020 at 12:50 PM
  #11
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Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
The one who dropped you on the spot sounds like an unprofessional jerk. Good therapists recognize that they won't be right for every single person who sees them, but obviously some therapists are deeply insecure and easily wounded. Do you see signs that your current T would do this too? Maybe you're better off cold-calling (cold-emailing?) a few potential therapists without a referral?

I agree re: the unprofessional jerk. My T has said if I want to take a break and see someone else and/or consult with someone else (which I've done), I'm welcome back at any time. And it might be better just to reach out to some T's on your own. Many will offer free 15-minute phone consultations or will at least answer a couple questions over email.
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Default Sep 24, 2020 at 02:24 PM
  #12
I think I am self sabotaging myself because even with her flaws my old T and I had a great connection. I feel like I made a rash decision to leave her. I had just gotten out of the hospital. She is the one that put me there and within two weeks I started looking for a new T. I guess I was mad at her for sending me to the hospital. I guess I am still grieving the loss of that relationship.
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