Touch therapy

Curiosity got to me and in a way it seems like it could be a good experience. I had visions of people laying in bed hugging. whole that can happen if that is what a client wants. It could also mean dancing or sitting on a couch where your jeans is on their shoulder and their arm is around you. The places I saw required at least a tank top and shorts worn by both parties.

Also, there is a getting to know you phones session before the initial cuddling session. Also you pick who your appointments are with.

I still dont think I would try it myself I could see how some would enjoy it and it ne very ethical. I did have images of my long term T being my cuddler with my head in her shoulder much like so have done with my children.

To me, this setup would very possibly make sense. I'm so at odds with my sexuality that I can't really see myself ever getting comfortable with it, unless through something like this, where sexual feelings might be stirred up but there's no expectation to act upon them. However, I'd have to feel very safe with the person in the first place, so it'd have to be someone who's also good with talk therapy.

As far as touch in therapy, I had movement- and dance therapy briefly as part of an outpatient program, which was a good opportunity to experiment with touch, and useful for that reason, but not in an intimate or comforting way, and found it hard to connect to other parts of my therapy. That might have been because it was too brief, though.

I can see how that would be a good experience. I think it's really interesting how different it is for everyone who is a survivor of abuse, and how they want to be touched or not and who they would be comfortable with.

I don't think there is anything wrong with paying for touch, but I understand it would not be for everyone. If my T did touch with me then I suppose I am paying for emotional and physical contact and that's ok. He would never initiate physical contact with me because of my past, but it is so hard to ask.

I was curious so I looked up "touch therapy" and it sounds like it refers to a range of things, but most of them don't involve naked hugging or anything like that. Some of it does sound kinda pseudo-sciency, or like it is mostly effective in the way that massage can be effective. On the other hand, I can see why therapy involving touch in a safe and healing manner might be good for some people.

ETA I also thought this article on touch in therapy more generally looked interesting, though I haven't read the whole thing yet. Especially this part seems relevant:

I'm not sure about this. For me, and apparently many others, accepting emotional intimacy is bloody difficult as well. Precisely because of past emotional abuse, probably. And it stings quite a bit to know that any such intimacy is dependent on being able to pay the other person for it. Although, technically the professional is paid for their expertise rather than the intimacy But I think emotional involvement is generally a more regular / unavoidable part of everyday life, whereas touch and especially sexuality is very restricted, lots of taboos about them.

I have a lot of touch issue for a variety of reasons. After my chest surgery, I was getting weekly massages to deal with scar tissue. As I got more comfortable with that touch, I was becoming more comfortable with being touched by my wife in some of my previously no touch zones. Since stopping the massage therapy (due to changes in insurance), the comfort has regressed significantly. That was a few years ago. One thing that has come out in my therapy with T is how easily I am overly stimulated. The massages I was having clearly was working on a level of exposure therapy. I also processed out some of this with T at the time of having the massages.

I think body intimacy is fine from a paid professional, if all parties are staying with in the boundaries of their agreements. I even can see how it can be therapeutic when done correctly. I can also see it as not therapeutic when not done with all the other parts that are needed to bring about change and growth.

Then again, I have some pretty open views around some of this stuff.

Naked goes too far for me.
I did work with a massage therapist that was trained in the Hakomi method and taught at the Gestalt institute... so she was very well versed in both touch and counseling. She was licensed as a massage T but understood how to work with my unmet needs and work with me when I triggered or the work brought something up. I worked with a T for about 5 of the 10 years I worked with her and saw Pdoc most of the 10 years. It was extremely helpful for me. She was not like a typical massage therapist though, I was always fully dressed (except sometimes socks), she focused a lot on grounding and was very sensitive and attuned to the emotional impact of the touch.

That's so great Omers! How amazing to have that opportunity in therapy. I can see how that would be extremely helpful.

So nice to hear about massage therapy for scars too Elio, I have never thought about it but Ts have suggested a rub lotion in to my scars so maybe it's sort of the same thing. Great if you have someone else to do it and are comfortable with them. I think it's good to be open minded about these things.

in regards to this subject, i feel i am, and have been, very open minded to the concept of healing therapeutic touch in therapy. it always has been quite appealing to me and i consider it as probably being one of the most important and healing aspects of my many years of therapy with my ex-T. safe physical touch was always a part of my therapy, which included end of session hugs, hand holding, or a gentle touch on my should, back or knee at times. we clearly discussed the topic of touch in the first few weeks of starting therapy with my T. at first he was a bit hesitant due to my CSA history and he shared that his supervisor advised him against it. i was quite hurt and shocked by his supers advice and shared my reaction that his supers response made me feel tainted and it reinforced my belief that i was unworthy of having access to one of the most basic of human needs....safe, compassionate and loving touch, just like my mother refused to me. i 100% believe that my ex-Ts supervisor's 'hands off' belief was not only incorrect but was an incredibly damaging and shameful non- therapeutic approach to treating CSA survivors.

it was the safe touch in therapy, in conjunction to the emotional intimacy i was coming to experience with the help of my T that encouraged me to become more open to giving, receiving, and experiencing the love and intimacy with my husband. it was the catalyst that has brought us closer like nothing else ever has. due to that closeness, and becoming secure in the relationship with my husband, we have been able to explore intimately in ways that many people never will. i consider all of that exploration to be a significant part of my healing journey. some of this healing has involved sharing our intimate moments with other people within our marriage, twice with a hired sex worker (sex work is legal and a protected industry in my country) and through exploring polyamory/open relationships. probably the most healing and amazing experience has been through exploring sensational touch with my husband while partaking in an mdma assisted therapeutic session.

from reading many of the reactions here to lostislost's topic, i know that what i have shared would seem very far out of the comfort zone for many here. i was once similar in my reaction and fears. but this willingness to even be open to entertaining most of these experiences that i've been quite fortunate to have did not happen spontaneously. it's been over ten years now, slowly working on different aspects since i started this crazy healing journey and this is where i find myself today. i'm content in my life, i feel safe within myself, i'm worthy of loving myself and others, i deeply love my husband, and i'm enjoying many aspects of my life.

i credit much of this to having a therapist in the beginning who was willing to be open and take a chance to explore safe therapeutic touch along with sharing the the intimacy of the therapeutic relationship with me, a once tainted, damaged and unworthy CSA survivor.

so to answer your question, would i do anything like this, work with a trained touch therapist if i had the chance , and that would be a big fat YES from me. i can clearly understand the potential to how significant of a healing opportunity this could be for someone who has been completely starved, especially from the early age of infant hood, from being able to fully experience the safety and security of compassionate embracing human touch. i believe everyone should have the opportunity to experience that, even if they have to pay to access it.

Thank you Koru_Kiwi, your experience is inspiring. If I could change one thing with my T it would be in the beginning, I would have asked if he can work with touch. I had no idea quite how broken I was at the beginning, or that touch would become so important to me, so it wasn't an obvious question for me to ask him back then.

I think he also doesn't want to touch me because of my CSA. I have tried to explain to him how not being touched by him reinforces the feeling of being dirty and only deserving of bad touching. but it makes no difference.

I think all the things you have done to heal are great, I am very open to anything that could be healing and empowering! There doesn't seem to be many opportunities like that where I am, or I'm not looking in the right places.

I wonder if what your therapist was mentioning was one of the following:

Surrogate partner therapy
Sensate focus therapy
Sexological bodywork

You can google these, but they are sort of less traditional sex therapies that may involve touch which is based on the client’s goals. Surrogate partner therapy can involve sex but doesn’t always. Most of these involve becoming more comfortable with physical intimacy either with oneself or with a trusted other. Surrogate partner therapy has been around for awhile and you have to be trained and certified in it (as you do with the other two). Sometimes they require you to be a clinical therapist to train in these methods, sometimes they don’t - depends on the type of work. That is, at least, my understanding.

There are also media about this kind of work:

The Sessions with Helen Hunt
Private Practices: the story of a sex surrogate
Documentary called 40 year old virgins (not the one with Steve Carrell).

It is definitely not traditional therapy but can be helpful for people who want to work on intimacy. And it is not without controversy, of course.

hubby and i really enjoyed watching 'The Sessions'! my ex-T had recommended it. it's quite a heart warming story

I suppose it does work for some people. I can see how it would depend on what issues are being tackled in therapy. I would personally feel uncomfortable. I'd also worry that someone who has been a victim an unethical therapist could take advantage of it.