Is there a way of avoiding transference?

Not started looking at therapy yet, but is having a same sex therapist when you’re straight a reliable way of minimising the risk of transference happening? I’ve nothing against male therapists per se, but I feel with my particular issues it would be preferable to have a female. I basically have a bit of a fear around having transference happen lol.

I had major transference with former T and she was female and I'm female and she's straight and I'm asexual, though I've had boyfriends in the past. It wasn't romantic transference it was more like oh my gosh, I love her so much (platonically) and I want her to be my mom and I never want her to leave me and on and on and on.

Transference will happen and it's all part of it, as far as I can tell. I know straight women that have been attracted to their straight female Ts, so I don't think it's a reliable way of avoiding anything.

If you find a good T, they will be able to hold space for your transference issues and not act on it, helping you work through them and heal.

Although I've been with current T for two years now and no transference whatsoever. She's straight. I'm still asexual. No transference, at least none that I am aware of.

I think there are many elements as to if/when transference will/might occur and the type of transference that does occur; how it feels. Different T's handle it differently, so you might want to bring that up right away.

Some Ts I've had transference with, some none. With L, I have very strong maternal transference, but with T, I just had an attachment. I've never had a male T except once in a DBT group. Oh and the neuropsychologist is male.

It’s the romantic type of transference I’m most worried about happening, but good to know it won’t necessarily be that kind of transference. I guess it’s just something I’ll need to deal with if/when it happens. Thanks for the replies, everyone!

Have you tried leaving her yet? Sometimes you do not see their transference until you can no longer go back and see them.

Transference is common and not necessarily a bad thing. In a lot of ways, transference can be useful in the therapy process if both the therapist and the client are able to identify it and talk about it. I will add that even in same sex therapist/client pairing there can still be lots of issues of transference. It's not always avoidable, in my experience. You can maybe do some things like drawing your own personal boundaries for yourself about your therapist (i.e. "This is a professional relationship.") but feelings will likely come up in therapy, good or bad. If you have specific fears about transference developing or when it happens, that's always okay to bring up with the person. "I'm scared that, because of my issues, if we work together I'll have to deal with having feelings for you or finding you attractive. I don't want that to get in the way of the work that I want to do. Do you have any suggestions?"

Whatever happens, good luck. It's important for you to get the treatment you need. If you end up starting with a male therapist and find it isn't a good fit, you can seek to transfer to a female. Just know that transference is sometimes a part of the process and not always something you can control since much of it is an unconscious process.

Well, it is an unconscious process. You may think you are 'safe' with a particular gender or sexual identity. And then *bam* transference hits you, regardless.

It's a tricky one. If it's something you are already trying to avoid, it's probably something that will and needs to happen. The problem with the romantic/sexual type is, it can be harder to discuss, so you need a really good, open, easy to talk to therapist who has had their own therapy and has supervision. You might find it easier to talk to a female therapist, so it might be more helpful.

I've never run into transference problems with any of my therapists but I have no idea how or why. I think the fact that I have pretty healthy, strong family and friend relationships probably helped but no telling. I don't think it is inevitable or that even if it does happen that it is necessarily disruptive or a bad thing, but I don't know that it is something you can consciously set out to avoid either.

Feelings happen; they aren't right or wrong, they simply.....are. I had a crush on a female therapist; it wasn't a problem....we develop feelings for people who listen unconditionally and care about us. We can't avoid how we feel.

I think that as transference is an unconscious process, wanting to avoid it won't necessarily mean you will be able to avoid it As others have said, if there is a good fit between you and the therapist, it can be a helpful part of the therapy. (I can also understand why you want to avoid it, I think )

My immediate thought in reaction to this headline is "no." But that's not necessarily a bad thing, if your therapist is open to talking about it and working with it.