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Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Bakersfield
Posts: 49
5 40 hugs
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Oct 01, 2020 at 12:06 AM
#1
My adopted mom has mild aspergers and enjoys lots of physical touch and affection from me. However, she does not enjoy hugs or affection from her husband, he isn’t doing it differently than I am, just hugs and non sexual affection. She says she doesn’t like physical touch from him because of her sensory issues from her aspergers. I pointed out that she enjoys my affection and she said that it’s different. She basically said that her husband can give her the same affection that I give her but her aspergers prevent her from enjoying but it doesn’t bother her when I do it. I brought this up to my therapist and she said aspergers doesn’t pick and choose who to have sensory issues with, that her affection issues with her husband are likely stemming from marital issues. I’m wondering if my therapist is right because I don’t think she has aspergers. Can aspergers let people enjoy affection/ hugs with their adult kids but not their spouse? I know this post is borderline for being moved to the autism board, but nobody posts on there and I want to see if my therapist was right.
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 unaluna
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Member
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: Illinois
Posts: 66
5 |
Oct 01, 2020 at 12:16 AM
#2
Quote:
Personally for me. Some people's hugs feel different than others. Everyone hugs differently. Some hugs feel okay and other hugs feel uncomfortable. Like for example: If my mom hugs me. I'm fine with it. But if my Uncle hugs me, it's uncomfortable. Hope that makes sense. |
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| Nik87
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 RoxanneToto
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Member
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: in the parlour.
Posts: 353
9 99 hugs
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Oct 01, 2020 at 03:19 AM
#3
Different people feel different and smell different, a hug or a touch is never going to be exactly the same from 2 different individuals. People who are on the spectrum can be sensitive to the slightest difference.
Your therapist might have a point though, has she always felt this way about her husband or has anything changed? __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
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Oct 01, 2020 at 12:31 PM
#4
Hugs definitely feel different from different people.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Bakersfield
Posts: 49
5 40 hugs
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Oct 01, 2020 at 12:32 PM
#5
I’m not too sure if she has always felts this way about him but I will ask!
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,711
5
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Oct 01, 2020 at 12:55 PM
#6
I imagine that your adopted mother knows her own physical and emotional feelings better than your therapist does.
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LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty, TeaVicar?
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
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Oct 01, 2020 at 01:04 PM
#7
I do not have aspergers but for me hugs feel different from different people.
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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Oct 01, 2020 at 02:18 PM
#8
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s and I can also say different people’s hugs feel different to me. If I’m attracted to someone, I enjoy hugging them and usually overdo it, but in general I don’t otherwise enjoy hugging - I tolerate it, but it feels uncomfortable and I don’t like people invading my space, so rarely hug anyone otherwise.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
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Oct 01, 2020 at 06:36 PM
#9
I was dx’d asd but my current T and I question it. I do have a ton of sensory issues though. Yes, different people feel different even when they are doing the “same” thing so there is some possible validity there. However, if it is causing you enough concern to bring it up with your T and then post it on here it makes me wonder if you are comfortable with it or not. I am also an adoptive mom. My son was not very affectionate but when he was it did feel different than other kinds of affection. The bond between a mother and child, adopted or not, makes everything feel at least a little different. But again, it sounds like there is something deeper going on here by your level of concern and the doubts of your adoptive mothers dx.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
10 375 hugs
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Oct 01, 2020 at 08:12 PM
#10
I could totally be off base but another idea might be an issue I have. With my past, I have to be comfortable jogging a person at the moment. I love and adore my husband but if I am in a certain emotional space, his hugs make it worse. Yet my children and best friend are okay.
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RoxanneToto
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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