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ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
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ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
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Default Jan 16, 2021 at 10:34 AM
  #681
...and now after tossing and turning and thinking about stuff have the night, I don't even want to come back next week. I am left feeling like an unwanted burden. I know I know, I hear you in my head clearly saying "think about it intellectually, not with your feelings". Well dude, that's not who I am. I am an emotional, feeling kinda person and if you can't work with that anymore, then so be it.
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ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
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ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
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Default Jan 16, 2021 at 11:19 AM
  #682
See why I'm a feelings person? When I get all up in my head and think and look at things logically I come to the conclusion that I need to end therapy with you because we aren't doing therapy anymore. And that just makes me feel sad. And if I look at feeling sad intellectually, then I am left feeling stupid for getting so damn attached to you in the first place. It's a vicious cycle.
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ArtieTheSequal
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Default Jan 16, 2021 at 12:05 PM
  #683
...but L, I don't want to be this way. I don't. But I don't know anymore if you can help with that.
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Default Jan 16, 2021 at 01:45 PM
  #684
Day 43 without you.

Feeling sorry for myself.

Possible trigger:

__________________
"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

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Default Jan 16, 2021 at 02:17 PM
  #685
I really want to see you face to face. I feel like this year started out really badly and I’m fantasising about curling up in your office and going to sleep. I’m so tired of everything.
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Default Jan 16, 2021 at 09:54 PM
  #686
T please respond to my email with care and some psychoeducation because I need it.
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Default Jan 17, 2021 at 05:19 AM
  #687
The email I just sent you does not reflect the level of panic I am feeling. I know there's nothing you can do. Did I give him covid from being in hospital and I have been asymptomatic? Or did he get it from the shops and I have yet to be affected? Will me and my baby die? I'm really scared.
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Default Jan 17, 2021 at 01:57 PM
  #688
Possible trigger:

__________________
"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

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Default Jan 17, 2021 at 03:40 PM
  #689
Why am I stupid? Emotionally stupid, I mean. In relation with you, I mean specifically. It makes me hate you. Please refer back to the original question.
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Default Jan 17, 2021 at 06:11 PM
  #690
Info, I am really struggling.

I don't think anyone, least of all you, because you didn't know me yet then, realizes how essential new cat was in keeping me alive a few years ago, and then keeping me from SH once I started to kick that habit. With her gone, those feelings are back big-time, and all the other life **** doesn't help.

ATAT
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Default Jan 17, 2021 at 07:23 PM
  #691
I really wish I was seeing you tomorrow rather than Tuesday. I HATE 3 day week-ends.

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ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
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ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
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Default Jan 17, 2021 at 07:31 PM
  #692
Hey L. Well, I have settled down about Friday's session since yesterday, believe it or not. I will be there Friday.
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ArtieTheSequal
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ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
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Default Jan 18, 2021 at 11:13 AM
  #693
oh and I took your advice about the boundaries thing with my friends on fb. I finally blocked one more - the one that I was having the most trouble blocking because I love her dearly - but her posts more than the others were really becoming toxic to me. ANYway, I did it, and this morning looking at my facebook feed was like a breath of fresh air. Like, I can breathe again and not have to worry about what she's gonna say next. I'm a little sad that I have to let her go. I have my memories of the good times, but now it's time for me to take care of myself.
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Default Jan 18, 2021 at 02:31 PM
  #694
Dear T,
Today's session went way too quickly. I also felt like I was holding back emotionally or something. Or avoiding something? Need to ponder that more... Thanks for being able to accommodate me for the other two sessions this week.
Love,
LT
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Default Jan 18, 2021 at 03:46 PM
  #695
Ugh, back to checking my inbox every two minutes. Why do I put myself in this position? I don't know what's wrong with me. I lash out, feel sad because I lashed out, and so lash out harder. I am too jaggy for therapy, I don't have a relational disposition and seem determined to ruin my chance of trying to develop one.
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ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
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ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
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Default Jan 18, 2021 at 05:10 PM
  #696
I'm so weird. I don't know how you put up with me. Overtime is voluntary now for the rest of the week - so I could call you & come on Wednesday probably and I kinda want to but I don't want to.
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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 12:41 PM
  #697
Dear T,

I know you won’t respond to my email but I still wish you would. I shouldn’t have phrased it like I did, knowing that you won’t respond. Bah.

-c
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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 01:14 PM
  #698
Forced isolation is hell. Has covid made you closer with your wife? Do you think getting older makes you behave better? I wish I could feel connected on zoom calls. Not that I am invited to any or have the opportunity. Everything is ********.
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ArtieTheSequal
Writing my way through...
 
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ArtieTheSequal is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
 
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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 01:33 PM
  #699
How'd you get so damn smart?

I can hear you laughing.

(With me, of course. Because I am. Laughing at my stupid ***.)

See you on Friday!
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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 01:37 PM
  #700
Dear T,
Thanks for the smiley emoji in your response. And glad I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Not sure if I'll want to talk about what I mentioned in the email or something else. But I imagine you'll leave it up to me.

Love,
LT
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