Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

SlumberKitty · Oct 27, 2020 at 10:30 AM

Dear T: Thanks for your text this morning. You said I make you smile. You're precious.

Lemoncake · Oct 27, 2020 at 12:09 PM

Pneumo is the most frustrating department I've been in since school started.

Firstly the hospital is not the one I live next to but another one 35 mins away. We were told to come in today. Our normal start time is 8.30am. When we get to the specific area we were told there was no doctor in. We'd already changed so couldn't go back down to our bags. I did have my phone and cards so not too bad I guess. We waited until we got one patient with a nurse at 9.20am and it was literally just a 5 min check. Then even more waiting around until 10am. We were done at 12pm just watching review cases.

I'm actually going to skip tomorrow.

No email back from you to rearrange and to be honest I do feel relieved. I have an excuse to kick up a fuss and be sarky when/if you do eventually remember.

My mental health has been rubbish and I'm having trouble sleeping again. I did still email the other T asking for an intro session.

I spent time with my friend R at her flat.

Song I've had on repeat.

Jonathan Antoine - Empty Chairs at Empty Tables - YouTube

Glittering · Oct 27, 2020 at 12:16 PM

I’ve been stuck here on the floor since you ended the session 1.5hrs ago feeling like a terrified little girl, it’s dark now, and I need to get back in adult mode and I can’t move.

velcro003 · Oct 27, 2020 at 01:06 PM

If I don’t hear from you by the end of the work day, I will probably freak out you are mad and/or forgot about me.

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 27, 2020 at 01:14 PM

I feel as though I'm at my limit.

daisydid · Oct 27, 2020 at 03:50 PM

Please don’t hospitalize me.

velcro003 · Oct 27, 2020 at 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

If I don’t hear from you by the end of the work day, I will probably freak out you are mad and/or forgot about me.

Didn't hear from you. Trying not to freak out...

Mountaindewed · Oct 28, 2020 at 12:48 AM

I’m not mad you sent Pdoc that email but I guess I am kinda annoyed you seem to be tattling on me. I honestly can’t tell what’s the surgery and what’s legit mood swings and SAD and stuff and I told him that. I wish we could keep stuff between us though.

Lemoncake · Oct 28, 2020 at 06:27 AM

Dear R,

I've just completed my presentation with help from my brother.

No email from you to rearrange our friday session. Given that there's only thursday and 6 hours of today left so I'm not exactly feeling hopeful that you will remember. I know I could email asking you but that's not what we agreed and I don't want to after I was ignored just last week.

I'm meeting the another T F tomorrow. His email from yesterday:

" Hi S,

That's ok - I was away visiting family so couldn't do phone calls, but was still doing some work from the computer. Besides, it seemed important to get back to you when you were asking for something last minute."

I emailed him in a "crisis" at the same time as you last week and he also got back to me the same day unlike you. It sounds stupid but it matters to me.

Lemoncake · Oct 28, 2020 at 10:49 AM

Well I did just email. Didn't want to go through another day checking my inbox repeatedly.

velcro003 · Oct 28, 2020 at 12:44 PM

Whew. You were just out of town. Thanks for calling. I know you are worried you can’t help me, but I think talking to you helps, even if it’s just a little.

daisydid · Oct 28, 2020 at 01:11 PM

Possible trigger:

I've been really struggling. You know this. I saw pdoc this afternoon and she made me really mad, and I've had all of these emotions that are racing inside. I just couldn't take it anymore. I SH for the first time since July. I know that I'm going to have to talk about it tomorrow with you, but I don't want to...

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 28, 2020 at 03:41 PM

Thank you very much for acknowledging my email. I really appreciate it.

MissUdy · Oct 28, 2020 at 04:47 PM

I’m sorry I tried to die without calling you. But you see, if I want to die then there is no reason to call you, because you only want me to call so you can talk me out of it. It’s the same reason I wouldn’t be able to leave you a suicide note, or say final goodbyes, because you would know my plans then. I could send you a letter because it would take some days to reach you. I feel ok about doing it now, I’m not scared at all.

chihirochild · Oct 28, 2020 at 07:22 PM

T, I know, I *know* why you don't answer these emails but I hope you know how much it hurts me.

OutOfMyMind75 · Oct 28, 2020 at 07:43 PM

I would love to tell you every bad thing that is going on in my life. But I know you don't do long term therapy, so I don't. I don't feel I can open up when I am seeing someone else starting November. I don't trust you not to tell my parents. I am afraid that I would say what I've endured and you would report it. I would never forgive myself if he got hurt because I decided to share my personal life. I just can't open up. Sorry

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 28, 2020 at 08:21 PM

Thanks for today, L. I feel so free. I really truly did let go of a lot of crap during that healing session on the 16th. I'll be forever grateful to you for the referral. Well, for a whole hell of a lot else too, but... you know what I mean.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 29, 2020 at 01:51 PM

oh and... when I asked you yesterday "where do we go from here" I wasn't just talking about yesterday, you know. Ooohhhhh... wait just a second.... now I realize why you asked that one question.

I'll work on that tonite.

Lemoncake · Oct 30, 2020 at 01:14 AM

After yesterday's sessions I had a dream that

Possible trigger:

my cousin H had put multiple yellow rubber bands inside my eyes and I was looking at the mirror and pulling them out so I could see and it was uncomfortable. If I run away from you now because I'm ashamed I will always be running.
.

Have to leave class for class in 35 mins.

Glittering · Oct 30, 2020 at 03:10 AM

I really regret the email. Thank you for replying and saying what I said wasn’t stupid. I don’t know how I’m going to hold on until Tuesday to talk about it. And at the same time I never want to talk about it or see you again. Why do I never learn?! I just want to disappear. I know what I need to do is look after myself but I have aaaaallll the urges to do the opposite And I don’t know which part will win

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Oct 27, 2020 at 10:30 AM #181 Dear T: Thanks for your text this morning. You said I make you smile. You're precious. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Glittering Member Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Somewhere else Posts: 119 6 73 hugs given	Oct 27, 2020 at 12:16 PM #183 I’ve been stuck here on the floor since you ended the session 1.5hrs ago feeling like a terrified little girl, it’s dark now, and I need to get back in adult mode and I can’t move.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Oct 27, 2020 at 01:06 PM #184 If I don’t hear from you by the end of the work day, I will probably freak out you are mad and/or forgot about me.
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daisydid Member Member Since Oct 2018 Location: the astral plane Posts: 493 5 375 hugs given	Oct 27, 2020 at 03:50 PM #186 Please don’t hospitalize me.
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,132 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,748 hugs given	Oct 28, 2020 at 12:48 AM #188 I’m not mad you sent Pdoc that email but I guess I am kinda annoyed you seem to be tattling on me. I honestly can’t tell what’s the surgery and what’s legit mood swings and SAD and stuff and I told him that. I wish we could keep stuff between us though. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,692 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Oct 28, 2020 at 10:49 AM #190 Well I did just email. Didn't want to go through another day checking my inbox repeatedly. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Oct 28, 2020 at 12:44 PM #191 Whew. You were just out of town. Thanks for calling. I know you are worried you can’t help me, but I think talking to you helps, even if it’s just a little.
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daisydid Member Member Since Oct 2018 Location: the astral plane Posts: 493 5 375 hugs given	Oct 28, 2020 at 01:11 PM #192 Possible trigger: I've been really struggling. You know this. I saw pdoc this afternoon and she made me really mad, and I've had all of these emotions that are racing inside. I just couldn't take it anymore. I SH for the first time since July. I know that I'm going to have to talk about it tomorrow with you, but I don't want to...
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chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Oct 28, 2020 at 07:22 PM #195 T, I know, I know why you don't answer these emails but I hope you know how much it hurts me.
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,222 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Oct 28, 2020 at 08:21 PM #197 Thanks for today, L. I feel so free. I really truly did let go of a lot of crap during that healing session on the 16th. I'll be forever grateful to you for the referral. Well, for a whole hell of a lot else too, but... you know what I mean.
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,222 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Oct 29, 2020 at 01:51 PM #198 oh and... when I asked you yesterday "where do we go from here" I wasn't just talking about yesterday, you know. Ooohhhhh... wait just a second.... now I realize why you asked that one question. I'll work on that tonite.
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