Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

LonesomeTonight · Nov 27, 2020 at 09:09 PM

Dear T,
H yelled at D again tonight, and it was particularly upsetting to me, because D just wanted to draw with H. I know he was frustrated because he was in the middle of something, but his tone really bothered me. And she was crying. (I offered to draw with her, but she didn't want me.) And I spoke up over text, when he tried to justify what happened. I said it still wasn't OK to speak to her that way. And he didn't really say anything in response to that, just talked about something else. But, at least I tried, right? I just wish he'd have at least apologized or something...He did eventually draw with her, but still...
It helps that you validate my feelings about this. Wish you could overhear some of it.
Love,

LT

Lemoncake · Nov 28, 2020 at 09:06 AM

Things between us have actually been going super well, but I still feel like in my heart i know I need to stop for now. Maybe it's just because of of the stuff we've been talking about and I want to avoid all of that, but I feel like it's too much and more than I can handle on top of trying to study for school.

I hope you can understand.

-----

Dear Mr S,

Thank you for all the times you have been there for me. At this point I feel like stopping therapy is right for me. Please don't wait for me and please cancel my next appointment. I would like to not reschedule anymore sessions for now either.

Best wishes,

S

P.s Please keep those books safe for me and I will collect them when I'm eventually back in London.

Mountaindewed · Nov 28, 2020 at 11:26 AM

I kind of want to email you because I am worried about the session this coming Tuesday and how you will react. I feel like emailing you beforehand would be helpful. But I don’t want to ask my mom for your email and have her ask me stuff.

mugwort2 · Nov 28, 2020 at 10:00 PM

I am grateful for you listening to me and your support with dealing with my self esteem issues.

velcro003 · Nov 28, 2020 at 11:14 PM

Friday is a long way away. Stupid holidays.

susannahsays · Nov 29, 2020 at 12:04 AM

Sometimes just really hurts.

susannahsays · Nov 29, 2020 at 12:19 AM

I feel so raw because of what happened earlier tonight and my mind keeps dredging up other painful things. Feels like salt in a wound. Hope I feel better tomorrow.

Lemoncake · Nov 29, 2020 at 12:07 PM

I told you that I found your wife's public instagram account a while ago, but back then she only had three photos in 2017. Now she's been uploading much more frequently . I didn't want to tell you because she might obviously make it private like with her facebook account, but I like seeing more insights into your home like your piano and your posters in your dinning room. But it kinda hurts a bit seeing you with your daughter picking out a Christmas tree.

Mountaindewed · Nov 29, 2020 at 01:09 PM

The biggest thing I am preoccupied with regarding my move is what my next therapist will be like. I am barely thinking of what the house will look like, or my new job. I am just really focused on what therapy will be like. You had an impact on me that I hope and won’t hope will be easy to replace.

comrademoomoo · Nov 29, 2020 at 04:21 PM

Can we meet at the beach again or was that a one-time thing? I mean, whatever, I don't care. I don't care if I don't see you waving at me across the sand again. It was stupid anyway. And remember when we came across the drawing in the sand? I mean, whatever. That was stupid too.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 29, 2020 at 06:03 PM

we seriously need to talk.

chihirochild · Nov 29, 2020 at 06:16 PM

Can you make tomorrow not suck, please?

(Yes, I realize that I also contribute to it not sucking. But still.)

just2b · Nov 30, 2020 at 12:03 AM

Back to feeling that disconnection, and not so hopeful that things will be the same ever. Back to feeling so distant and unsure if therapy is working. Amazing how things change so fast. How you matter so much and now i think i can let you go! Though i am feeling very depersonalized at the moment. Even the phone i am trying on feels fake. My thoughts seem slow and moments too. At times time seems as though its frozen, i call for you and no sound. This is so unreal. At times not sure i want to be real, i continue to not see what is in front of me and missing the important things. Its all in my head though. All in my head.

Lemoncake · Nov 30, 2020 at 03:49 AM

Honestly think I've made a mistake.

Stopping therapy before a exam is NOT a good idea.

I'm feeling so much more anxious.

Hope you can offer me an extra session.

SlumberKitty · Nov 30, 2020 at 11:57 AM

Thanks for being lovely on Saturday and trying to help me with the hallucinations.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 30, 2020 at 01:41 PM

Dear T,
Thanks for handling my fear about your dying so well. I think I just needed to get that out. I feel a bit calmer now, like a weight has been lifted from me. And thanks for the unsolicited reassurance about the thing with H at the end. It helps to know you understand how hard it is to have that sort of talk.
Love,
LT

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 30, 2020 at 01:52 PM

After that thing h said that i told you about last week, well he said something yesterday that made me feel the same way all over again and worse and I'm never eating again. He made me feel fat, and ugly, and undeserving.

jrae · Dec 01, 2020 at 01:18 AM

December is going to suck, which you might agree if you knew about it.... is this the year i finally say 'screw it' and don't do ANY holiday stuff?! (and be done with everyone - IRL)

Lemoncake · Dec 01, 2020 at 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Honestly think I've made a mistake.

Stopping therapy before a exam is NOT a good idea.

I'm feeling so much more anxious.

Hope you can offer me an extra session.

I spent most of today trying hard not to self harm and crying on and off. This would be defined as a crisis for me.The funny thing is that I can not reach you at all, but I'm pretty sure you've already read my email which I sent 35 hours ago but chosen to ignore it, for the sake of the greater good.

I have no safety net. I live alone and I feel really really bad.

I searched and found my own post from the 22nd october 2020. Another crisis and I've talked about exactly the same thing that I could not reach you despite even giving you a missed call. Yes I did get through it eventually but it so was very hard.

I'm asking for extra help and I feel like you can't see me at all. I'm angry but mainly at myself for putting up with this.

Maybe I am just being manipulative and dramatic but please do cancel my upcoming session and I won't be paying for not attending this time.

KBMK · Dec 01, 2020 at 02:55 PM

I am so happy you encouraged me not to deflect and to stick with the subject of loss today, and it amazes me that something can seem impossible one minute, and easy enough just a couple of minutes later, with your understanding and kind words. You are helping me feel alive, and have a life again, and that is worth every penny and SO much more. You deserve a medal

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,123 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,737 hugs given	Nov 28, 2020 at 11:26 AM #403 I kind of want to email you because I am worried about the session this coming Tuesday and how you will react. I feel like emailing you beforehand would be helpful. But I don’t want to ask my mom for your email and have her ask me stuff. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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mugwort2 Poohbah Member Since Aug 2015 Location: Philadelphia PA. Posts: 1,291 8 28 hugs given	Nov 28, 2020 at 10:00 PM #404 I am grateful for you listening to me and your support with dealing with my self esteem issues.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Nov 28, 2020 at 11:14 PM #405 Friday is a long way away. Stupid holidays.
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Nov 29, 2020 at 12:04 AM #406 Sometimes just really hurts. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Nov 29, 2020 at 12:19 AM #407 I feel so raw because of what happened earlier tonight and my mind keeps dredging up other painful things. Feels like salt in a wound. Hope I feel better tomorrow. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,123 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,737 hugs given	Nov 29, 2020 at 01:09 PM #409 The biggest thing I am preoccupied with regarding my move is what my next therapist will be like. I am barely thinking of what the house will look like, or my new job. I am just really focused on what therapy will be like. You had an impact on me that I hope and won’t hope will be easy to replace. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Nov 29, 2020 at 04:21 PM #410 Can we meet at the beach again or was that a one-time thing? I mean, whatever, I don't care. I don't care if I don't see you waving at me across the sand again. It was stupid anyway. And remember when we came across the drawing in the sand? I mean, whatever. That was stupid too.
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,219 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Nov 29, 2020 at 06:03 PM #411 we seriously need to talk.
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chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Nov 29, 2020 at 06:16 PM #412 Can you make tomorrow not suck, please? (Yes, I realize that I also contribute to it not sucking. But still.)
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Nov 30, 2020 at 03:49 AM #414 Honestly think I've made a mistake. Stopping therapy before a exam is NOT a good idea. I'm feeling so much more anxious. Hope you can offer me an extra session. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Nov 30, 2020 at 11:57 AM #415 Thanks for being lovely on Saturday and trying to help me with the hallucinations. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,731 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Nov 30, 2020 at 01:41 PM #416 Dear T, Thanks for handling my fear about your dying so well. I think I just needed to get that out. I feel a bit calmer now, like a weight has been lifted from me. And thanks for the unsolicited reassurance about the thing with H at the end. It helps to know you understand how hard it is to have that sort of talk. Love, LT
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,219 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,754 hugs given	Nov 30, 2020 at 01:52 PM #417 After that thing h said that i told you about last week, well he said something yesterday that made me feel the same way all over again and worse and I'm never eating again. He made me feel fat, and ugly, and undeserving.
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jrae Grand Member Member Since Jun 2008 Location: WYLTK Posts: 763 15 410 hugs given	Dec 01, 2020 at 01:18 AM #418 December is going to suck, which you might agree if you knew about it.... is this the year i finally say 'screw it' and don't do ANY holiday stuff?! (and be done with everyone - IRL)
	Reply With Quote