Couch 220: Second To None!

He did email me back, told me he had no intention of firing me and was surprised I was even worried about that. He sounded totally perplexed.

I can breathe now, though I still feel guilty as hell.

Hugs, chi, I'm glad he got back to you and that you can breathe again.

Also glad he got back to you and that he reassured you. Your T and mine sound so similar in the being perplexed at how clients react to them...

Having an emergency session with L in 30mins. I'm not doing so good after sharing with her parts of my past. And, I'm having a hard time trusting her. I feel like she's just painting everything in rainbows, even though to me, it's much worse. I'm having problems accepting her accepting me.

H first didn't allow it. Told me I can only do the free 20min phone call. But then he changed his mind when I told him everything, and he agreed to a full session. Actually, I think it's only because he wants to spend more money on the car. I just warned him now to be quite for my session, and he's mad that it's a full session! I guess he forgot? Idk. He really sucks sometimes.

I hope it's helpful, Scarlet. I'm sorry your h is being like that. I keep expecting my h to start throwing fits again about me still going to therapy weekly. It's been 4 months since I started again in June and we're really making some good progress right now so I hope he doesn't start getting on my case.

Hugs, Scarlet, I hope the session helps. Sorry your H is being a jerk...

Ugh. I just got a letter saying I'd been selected for jury duty on 11/10. I wonder if you can use severe depression as a reason to be excused. Also, pandemic. Hello? I can't sit around in a mask for hours on end without some sort of anxiety medicine, which I don't have.

Severe depression affects decision making ability see your doctor for a letter at least hats how it works ove rhere

Being bipolar i have been permanently exempted from jury duty

Ugh, I would try for an exemption, maybe a letter from your T? Or, I think you're on disability for your job, right? That could be enough.

I used to get jury duty notices. I just write them back with all my depression and anxiety symptoms. After a few years, they stopped sending them to me...lol

Session was really good and helpful. We went for an hour and a half :/ I'm not going to tell H about that. I really needed it though. I needed her to say that it's bad to hurt people. And she did, naturally. I didn't force her. It hurt, but it made me feel better. Like we were finally on the same page. Now I'm better able to accept her acceptance and compassion for me.

In other news, we are having a little war with our upstairs neighbors. Their kid has been stomping so bad that it shakes the fans. We told management about it and about them throwing their trash in our front patio. So tonight they're blasting mariachi music with karaoke. They know they have until 10pm then they have to be quiet. /sigh

One of my friend's cats loves to hide in the space made by my futon against the wall too.

Woke up at 4 again, even though I don’t have to be at work until 7. I tried pretty hard to go back to sleep with some of the tracks on the Headspace app (I got it for free during the pandemic because of being a front-line worker and they haven’t cut me off yet so I still use it) and aaalmost managed to go back to sleep but not quite. Huh. Well, at least I had a nice breakfast (I occasionally treat myself to smoothies and chia bowls from Daily Harvest and then save them for days when I work) and I’m burning a nice candle now so I suppose I’m using this time for self-care instead of sleep... not the best trade off, but not the worst either.

T ended up texting me as well as emailing last night because I was so freaked out about him firing me that he was worried that I’d done something worse than what I actually did. I said I was sorry and felt guilty and he said, “OK chihiro. Again, I still want to find out more about what the “this” is, but until we see each other next, I feel like what is most important to reflect on is (a) how this happened, and (b) what needs to happen to shift things moving forward.” Apologizing and getting an “OK” makes me think he’s mad at me, but I suppose I deserve that.

On other forums I've seen couples pool their money into one pot, but also allocate "spending money" for each partner so it's more fair to everyone. Is the amount he's allowed to spend the same as yours?

Well done on doing lots of small things for yourself. The ssmoothies sound yum!



I personally don't think you can just expect someone to stop a coping mechanism simply by telling them to stop doing it. Relapses are super common.Adding the pressure of a promise on top kinda makes it harder for you to be honest with him. I don't think you've done anything wrong by not telling him sooner. It's up to him to co-create an environment where you can be comfortable too.

Definitely an improvement!

How's your street library going?

Wish we also had your prime minster running England.

God, today at work already feels long, probably because I woke up so early.

Also I’m bummed because usually I see T on Mondays and Fridays but we changed to Tuesday this week bc of something to do with his schedule so I have to wait until Tues to sort this whole thing out.

Apparently there are now ugly Christmas sweater face masks.

Gotta love human ingenuity.