Couch 220: Second To None!

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 21, 2020 at 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

P emailed me to say he had a scratchy throat and a slightly elevated temperature so we're not going to meet today. He just returned from a trip to a neighboring state that isn't doing as well as our state COVID-wise. I hope he doesn't have this stupid virus.

Ugh I hope not too. I was so worried about L when she had it.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 21, 2020 at 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I'm feeling under the weather today... ugh. Started with a sore throat yesterday and today my throat's better but I'm feeling super congested like a chest cold and wish I could just go to bed instead of going back to work after lunch, then doing therapy, then doing my class tonight. No fever though, and my sense of smell is intact so I'm taking those as a good sign that it's just a cold and not this stupid plague....

Hope you feel better soon, Artie, and that it's not Covid.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 21, 2020 at 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

P emailed me to say he had a scratchy throat and a slightly elevated temperature so we're not going to meet today. He just returned from a trip to a neighboring state that isn't doing as well as our state COVID-wise. I hope he doesn't have this stupid virus.

Hugs, I hope he doesn't have Covid... Did he say if he's going to get tested?

chihirochild · Oct 21, 2020 at 06:12 PM

I know it’s not a great idea to take my sleep meds at 7pm but I’m afraid if I don’t I’ll

Possible trigger:

pick at my skin

or email my T or do something else stupid.

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 21, 2020 at 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

I know it’s not a great idea to take my sleep meds at 7pm but I’m afraid if I don’t I’ll

Possible trigger:

pick at my skin

or email my T or do something else stupid.

Have you tried any of the coping skills for this? Nail polish on your nails, white glue on your skin? Some of that charcoal face masks/wax?Wear bandaids on your finger tips? Make sure you cut your nails? Wear gloves?

NP_Complete · Oct 21, 2020 at 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, I hope he doesn't have Covid... Did he say if he's going to get tested?

I suggested it when I replied to him, but I don't know. He said he'd update me tomorrow. Who knows when we'll get to meet again. I hate this year.

unaluna · Oct 21, 2020 at 07:19 PM

I used to have the perfect apartment for skin picking. Huge east facing window, comfy loveseat up against the window. The sunlight i swear just magnified the ingrown hairs and tiny golden oil plugs on my forearms. I could pick my skin and be late for work at the same time, dual compulsions!

Then one day i was in a tech class, and the instructor had arms like a lady in an olde English painting, perfectly white and rounded, no muscles, just O. M. G.!!! So beautiful! In a sleeveless blouse, writing computer programming stuff on the whiteboard with these arms from a couple of centuries ago

i was like, i want those arms. I didnt know they actually existed in the current times.

Quietmind 2 · Oct 21, 2020 at 10:39 PM

Hey uhhh... is vicarious trauma possible even when you don't hear graphic details of people's trauma?

Tw for nightmares, mention of csa

Possible trigger:

Hyper realistic nightmares of child sexual abuse complete with body sensations as though it's happening in real time. With strong emotions that I can't tell my therapist, that I won't be believed. But I'm certain none of it is real or has happened to me???

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 21, 2020 at 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hope you feel better soon, Artie, and that it's not Covid.

Pretty sure it's just a cold. Already feeling better this evening. I think today it was more that I was just tired - didn't sleep well last night cuz h was snoring so loud. Sharing with L today about the shamanic session I had this past Friday was super energizing. She's so funny she's all "I couldn't wait to hear about it and I almost called you!" (Way to activate my stupid fantasy wishing she and I could be friends, eh?) I'm glad she made herself wait until my session today.

We got out of class early again too which is nice. I'm heading to bed. Night couchies!!

susannahsays · Oct 21, 2020 at 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

I wasn't being clear--he asked me to promise him that I would call him before engaging in the behaviour, and I would still have the option of engaging in it if he couldn't talk me out of it... but I didn't call him, I just did it. So he was actually being more supportive than I was giving him credit for.

I still don't think there's a benefit in the end. That sort of promise can make people feel trapped into not disclosing if they break the promise.

I just think it's unnecessary to create a whole convoluted situation where you are setting the person up so that they are likely to feel guilty either way. I mean, if you called him and then did it anyway... I'm pretty sure you'd still be beating yourself up about it. Since you didn't call, the unnecessary promise created a disincentive to disclosing what you'd done - and even if you had told him, you'd still have the guilt from breaking the promise. So really, seems like a situation perfectly calculated to make you feel guilty when you self harm.

susannahsays · Oct 21, 2020 at 11:29 PM

QM, I believe so. I have really vivid nightmares every couple years that I'm a Jew in the Holocaust and usually that people that I care about and love are also Jewish. The dreams don't reflect any specifics that I know of people's stories (I mean memoirs and stuff). I am not Jewish. I have had a morbid/horrified fascination with Holocaust history since I was a little girl, and I think the dreams are just a weird sort of empathy and a way of trying to process how people can purposely and cold-heartedly harm others as if it's nothing.

Quietmind 2 · Oct 22, 2020 at 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

QM, I believe so. I have really vivid nightmares every couple years that I'm a Jew in the Holocaust and usually that people that I care about and love are also Jewish. The dreams don't reflect any specifics that I know of people's stories (I mean memoirs and stuff). I am not Jewish. I have had a morbid/horrified fascination with Holocaust history since I was a little girl, and I think the dreams are just a weird sort of empathy and a way of trying to process how people can purposely and cold-heartedly harm others as if it's nothing.

That helps to know because it was so real that it was almost like I was living it really. And the awful feelings lingered for a good while.

I do help run a survivor group and do online peer support so it's probably stuff from there even though we deliberately never get graphic.

chihirochild · Oct 22, 2020 at 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Have you tried any of the coping skills for this? Nail polish on your nails, white glue on your skin? Some of that charcoal face masks/wax?Wear bandaids on your finger tips? Make sure you cut your nails? Wear gloves?

I’ve tried most of these things, but not the glue on the skin. I’ll have to give that a shot.

chihirochild · Oct 22, 2020 at 05:57 AM

Starting the day with the gym again in hopes that it’ll help get my head on straight. I’m doing the elliptical instead of running today, though, because my shin splints have been bugging me lately.

I really miss the steam room and sauna but of course those aren’t safe these days. I’ll just come home and have a bath afterwards.

atisketatasket · Oct 22, 2020 at 09:07 AM

I had such a bad nightmare about 2ex last night that I had to wrap myself in blankets when I woke up to get myself to stop shaking. Even though only his voice was in the dream.

I wonder if I could find someone to give vicarious trauma to so they would have those nightmares for me?

chihirochild · Oct 22, 2020 at 10:24 AM

Bleh I think I'm going to have to contact T.

Possible trigger:

I've cut my nails, put lotion on my hands, put gloves on, and still I am just obsessed with the thought of picking at my skin.

ElectricManatee · Oct 22, 2020 at 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Bleh I think I'm going to have to contact T.

Possible trigger:

I've cut my nails, put lotion on my hands, put gloves on, and still I am just obsessed with the thought of picking at my skin.

I think that's the problem with making the compulsive/coping behavior the target. It won't really go away until you deal with the feelings that make the behavior seem necessary. White-knuckling it to get yourself to stop can only get you so far before you're likely to "relapse."

LonesomeTonight · Oct 22, 2020 at 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I think that's the problem with making the compulsive/coping behavior the target. It won't really go away until you deal with the feelings that make the behavior seem necessary. White-knuckling it to get yourself to stop can only get you so far before you're likely to "relapse."

I agree with all of this.

It's why, for example, my T isn't focusing on my drinking, but the reasons behind it. And trying to help me find alternatives to deal with anxiety (and other things that drinking helps with).

Lemoncake · Oct 22, 2020 at 10:47 AM

Hope you get well soon Artie bean.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 22, 2020 at 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Bleh I think I'm going to have to contact T.

Possible trigger:

I've cut my nails, put lotion on my hands, put gloves on, and still I am just obsessed with the thought of picking at my skin.

I would tell him about all the things you tried, because it shows you're trying to find alternatives/ways to control it. You're putting in the effort, which he should appreciate. But, like EM said, it can only go so far if you don't address the feelings that the coping mechanism are helping with.

I also wonder if, because your T makes it "forbidden," that in a way, that makes you think about it more? Because you feel you can't do it. I wonder if for a bit you could just take the agreement of contacting him first off the table to see if that helps.

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chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Oct 21, 2020 at 06:12 PM #504 I know it’s not a great idea to take my sleep meds at 7pm but I’m afraid if I don’t I’ll Possible trigger: pick at my skin or email my T or do something else stupid.

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Oct 22, 2020 at 05:57 AM #514 Starting the day with the gym again in hopes that it’ll help get my head on straight. I’m doing the elliptical instead of running today, though, because my shin splints have been bugging me lately. I really miss the steam room and sauna but of course those aren’t safe these days. I’ll just come home and have a bath afterwards.

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Oct 22, 2020 at 10:24 AM #516 Bleh I think I'm going to have to contact T. Possible trigger: I've cut my nails, put lotion on my hands, put gloves on, and still I am just obsessed with the thought of picking at my skin.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,698 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Oct 22, 2020 at 10:47 AM #519 Hope you get well soon Artie bean. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."