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stormyisland
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Default Oct 21, 2020 at 05:42 AM
  #1
Hi everyone.


Not been here for a year! I found this forum so helpful when I was struggling with my previous therapist and ended up ending therapy with her after a major rupture which landed me in hospital.


I've had a new therapist for 8 months. We meet once a week are progressing really well with work. It feels like the first time I've trusted someone enough to explore the most painful issues right at the core of my problems. And it's the first time when I have a therapist who is capable to explore these with me without the whole process sending me suicidal. However, as always I've been using very dysfunctional coping mechanisms to cope with distress. This is nothing new but rather a reason I've gotten into therapy.


So in the past year I've somehow moved from self harm and eating disorder to having loads of casual sex with people I'm not even attracted to. I'm married with kids so this is obviously a totally horrendous thing to do. Please don't judge me. So last night me and my husband had a huge argument about every problem in our marriage and whether we should divorce or not. I've been trying to convince him we should for ages but he adores me and doesn't want to. In the end I told him I've been sleeping around and it felt like a bomb going off. He's devasted and hurt but putting it down to my poor mental health. He says he forgives everything if we just work hard to make our marriage work. He's suggested I'd asked to increase my therapy to twice a week as I've been so depressed for months and doing all this stupid stuff on top. I feel totally detached. Like I'm living in someone else's nightmare that's not real nor even happening to me.


The question is though.. Do you think I should ask my therapist if I could see him twice a week. Our current work is mainly focusing on the transference and my crush and obsession on him. So I'd obviously be more than happy to see him twice a week. But I can't see whether that's a good idea or a bad idea and whether it would make any difference to the situation. I don't want to be contacting him between sessions because I'm in crisis. And I don't want him to think I'm asking for a second session week just because I'm wanting to be with him more. And I don't think I could cope if he said no especially if he felt it came from just my need to be with him.


Any thoughts on this?
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Miss Laura
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Default Oct 21, 2020 at 06:20 AM
  #2
Hey there...

I am thinking it might be a bad idea. However you could ask him for a few extra sessions to see if you could work through the things you want to work through. I have done this with my therapist. I was really manic and emailed her at 3am and gibbered on a lot then asked if it was possible to see her extra. She asked me to go in 1.5 hours before my actual appt so I had 2.5 hours that day. We made it for 12:30pm instead of 1pm after that and finished at the usual time of 2pm.

Unfortunately this only lasted 4 weeks as COVID-19 kicked in. But through March-May she called me twice a week and we are since May ish to currently just speaking once a week.

I too am attached to her so tbh this has worked out great.

If you and your therapist feel you will be OK then try extra sessions there is no harm in trying is there. But if you feel or he feels it would be too much then respect that. Maybe he could just five you extra time on your original session?
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Default Oct 21, 2020 at 08:15 AM
  #3
This is something you ought to discuss with your T really.

However, if you no longer want to be in your marriage, I don't see how seeing your T twice a week would help. It seems you are only doing it because your husband asked you to.
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jirafe
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Default Oct 21, 2020 at 02:19 PM
  #4
Do You still love Your husband ? Do You want to stay with him ? How good has been Your marriage so far ? Sometimes we unintentionally put our partners to the test. I do not know if it is the case. Lets figure out what You hope to achieve with the help of Your therapist. And then just tell him about it, add You are wondering if two sessions a week might help and ask for his ideas.
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*Beth*
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Default Oct 25, 2020 at 07:15 AM
  #5
About a year ago I got up the courage to ask my T to see her twice/week. She agreed. That decision turned out to be a very good one. I think doing so would be of benefit to you.

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