Questions about working with parts

I don't talk to my younger parts in session. Or really any part.

We just let them be, let them talk about whatever they want to talk about, do whatever they want to do... and so on.

T responds with that unconditional positive regard and is supportive to pretty much any part. I feel like she is giving me a model on how to interact with that part when I'm on my own. She's also careful to try to not take sides when the parts are in conflict, as she says to keep from showing favoritism or leave some part thinking they are not welcomed. This can be frustrating or could be, I don't think it is as much as I don't have as much conflicts as before.

When I'm in more of a "self" space, or I guess what I think of as "self" space, we talk about the parts: how they themselves are feeling, ways they can interact with each other, how they are interacting with each other, how they are feeling about each other, and what I (the self) is doing to allow each of them to feel welcomed ... at the campfire as that was one of my images early on of how the parts are seen in my head.

It's really hard to find the words to describe what has happened for me or how it has happened. I just know that there's a lot less of that inner dialog/conflict.

I don't believe I would be able to talk to my younger self in session like an empty chair exercise.

I already told L I refuse to talk to invisible people. I had a T in the past try to get me to talk to my invisible mother. I refused. I don't seem to mind talking about parts or what that part of me needs. But I will not have a conversation with myself.

I never bought the idea of parts or inner children

Emdr T says that I need to have compassion for all thr parts of me. All these parts have helped me to deal with a horrific past as well as have served me well in becoming the person I am. However they are no longer serving me well so we need to help them heal.. It all seems weird but as I have told her I trust her and am willing to try what she believes will help me.

Yeah, this has been my T's thought process with me too. Though it is very much me led. My T has not suggested any of the things we've done through the parts work. And what we have done has really been about me following some internal intuition as to what "just feels right".

What about it feels weird?

The idea of talking to different parts of me. I guess the different parts in come out when I am triggered. So when I am in her in her office (or talking to her I guess over video)and not feeling triggered ut us hard to imagine and bring out the say hurt child part. With her I am the adult who is in control and dislikes when I feel like a child fighting for acceptance.

One thing that I think I figured out for me, is that the part that dislikes the needs of my younger/other parts is still not "the self". It is simply another part (or group of parts) that exists to help me survive. The realization that one of those parts was the internalization of my father and that I was perpetuating his authoritarian parenting. It was finally connecting that the harsh punishments I would dole out to myself for perceived failures was being a bully to myself that allowed me to see that I wasn't being an adult ("the self"). Or maybe just not the self I want to be. Really, though, it isn't the self I would be towards someone else. So, while it felt adult because of that "in charge" attitude and goals were to get me to do what it thought I should be doing at any given time. It's methods were not from a place of curiosity, acceptance, and compassion. It's methods were humiliation, degradation, and pain - emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I am not sure if any of this is helpful or makes sense. I guess my point is to question if a part is really the self of you if it has negativity and/or harmfulness towards another part of yourself. I mean, why wouldn't you want a child to be accepted and to fight for it's right to be itself just the way it is (or was)? It was ok to be that child then, and it is ok for that child to exist now. And it was not right at any time for that child to be left feeling like it's existence was not allowed. (my thoughts on the matter)

Oh and again talking to that part directly and out loud doesn't work for me. I know I said that I didn't talk to them directly in session then I realized that there has been a few times where in my silence, that is what I have done. I relayed to T that was what was going on and she and I sat in silence while I had this inner discussion. I only did this a few times, I think enough times for T to realize that was some of the silences. My therapy changed then and there became a lot more silences. We took on a different cadence/pace. Now, there's so much more quietness in my head, the parts are not all gone, there just doesn't seem to be nearly the conflict between them on many things.

That is very helpful, thank you. It is definitely information to being up with my therapist. She has mentioned the core self but I have no idea who that is.

I suspect the part that her angry and frustrated that the childish part of me comes out. I hate that in my mind I go there when triggered.

I started parts work last week and had been pretty confused about it. My T advised me to watch the Pixar movie "Inside Out". That helped me to gain a better understanding of some this and to feel more comfortable. Perhaps this may help others.

Only one of me therapists ever spoke about parts/inner child stuff. I didn't find it particularly helpful - in fact, probably more confusing than helpful. It was a bit cringe-worthy to me. I let him know that it wasn't helpful to me and we took things a different direction. I did better with just acknowledging that what happened to me in childhood affected me in a certain way because I was a child - that because I was a child, my responses were understandable because of my developmental age, etc. I personally just had no use for somehow going back to that time or talking to that child, etc. I think being a parent and teacher was helpful for me because I have an understanding of how a child's mind and emotions and development work.

this has been my experience with parts work as well. for me, it has been mostly an internal process, where the conversation with various parts/alters is taking place in my internal head space, and this ability increased as i became more 'co-conscious' between my various parts, where they were not so fragmented, dissociated or detached from each other. i never talked out loud directly to parts/alters in sessions because if any parts were present they were either the ones doing the talking with my T or my 'host self' or other parts may have spoken up and shared how a individual parts were feeling or thinking.

like many here are saying, i would find addressing a part out loud in session to be quite awkward and uncomfortable, and i would have resisted doing it. it just doesn't feel natural for how how i interact with my various parts or how my parts interact with others, either internally in my head space or externally with the rest of the world. so i can fully sympathise why some people may struggle to get on board with doing parts work, especially if the T is making them feel awkward because of the (unhelpful) technique or appraoch they are utilising to facilitate this method..