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Shotokan
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Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: In The Dojo
Posts: 196
3 yr Member
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Default Dec 05, 2020 at 02:42 PM
  #41
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarperF View Post
As our sessions terminated with my original T, I've arranged for a new therapist. Let that person be T2. I know I shouldn't generalize from one experience, but so far it was pretty bad. I kept myself in therapy so that I have more experience on the client side. And it alarms me. I don't think I am a good client?

T2 is a strict professional. Has reasonable technical knowledge, impressive clinical experience and is said to be a person very serious about self-development. We've had three sessions so far. The first one was nice, I had good impressions, and really believed that I could have another ball rolling. Then as soon as we started session #2, I felt throughout as if T2 was the true client wanting to be the expert in how life works. T2's needs were much more prominent. I thought, OK, I give it a go. I also sensed, T2 genuinely wanted to help. But that was as real as it gets with T2. Maybe I have authority issues? I felt as if T2 consistently wanted to dominate me throughout the session, and I was in there as some semi-masochistic contender, like training as a martial artist, letting T2 do that, even to a point of succeeding - me losing control. Strangely by the end I felt a bit lifted, because had some fresh insight, but that's about it, I've been kind of tired and depressed since. This increased considerably after our session #3.

T2 constantly had this distant act, being The Expert, and I felt unsuitable, inappropriate and unfit. Both as a person and as a psychologist. T2 had an idea of what my core issues were, and I disagreed. But I acted like just as T2 diagnosed me (mild generalized anxiety disorder) because I could not connect with T2 on a human level. I've been fidgety, not able to connect to myself, but really trying, trying hard to prove my points, but losing my train of thought due to being nervous. My mind went blank multiple times...I was so cut from my experience, I didn't feel safe with T2, but I only recognize this now as I type, this was something I would not have admitted to myself during the session.

Which raises an important question for me.

Is T2 right, or am I right?

T2 says I am right, but I can see the disbelief. It's quite obvious dismissive tone of voice. A kind of "you'll figure it out kid, but let's have your way now" tone.

I'm feeling a bit weird talking to my ex-T about this. We've agreed not to be client & therapist ever again. I'll meet with my supervisor the next week. Not exactly a supervision question, but the best I can do for now.

The colored portion of your post is what stood out to me. If you're needing to get an opinion from your former therapist, it is probably time to seek support from another therapist.
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