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emmaleemochizuki
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 11:38 AM
  #1
So my T has announced she will be taking a few months off 4-5 months from now. She didn't exactly say why, but I think I know (she's pregnant). She said she's not planning to tell her other clients until January, but she feel in her gut that she needs to let me know now, because I need this much time to digest this information.

I suppose I feel a bit weird that she's treating me different than others. She said that her style with me is a lot different because I'm one of her 'younger clients' and it involves her probably being more proactive. I guess I feel like I'm not that 'fragile' and needs this kind of extra protection.

Anyway she said at first when she's back she will only a see a few clients, and resume a full caseload much later on. But she has said that I will be one of those 'few' and she will try to see me as soon as she possibly can.

And after me sending her that email last week. And we talked about it quite a lot in our first session this week. and then today she was like 'oh I had a long thought about it.....' but at least she said if it was very helpful and actually very brave for me to send that email, clearly stating what I feel, and what I need from her, which I never do, and I hardly ever sent an email before except for scheduling matters. It's still weird that it's been on her mind that much, and I found it very creepy to imagine her reading the email like over and over.

I feel like she kind of expected me to react quite strongly to her being away for some months, but she also expected me not to show anything cos I just don't show any emotions.

Still I don't know how I feel being treated differently, and I mean she can do that, but she doesn't need to tell me that she's treating me differently than her other clients? which is a bit similar to when she gave me her private number, and told me to text her if need be, and then mentioning that she doesn't normally do that with her other clients, but she feels I need this support from her, she would want me to contact her if I'm ever in a crisis of any kind.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 12:56 PM
  #2
I think it's a bad thing, in a general sense, if a T treats all their clients the same. Each client jas different needs. So long as the T remains inside ethical boundaries, their boundaries, and your boundaries, I don't see it as an issue.

I think L treats me differently than her other clients. If she spent as much time on her other clients as she does with me, I don't think she'd even have time to sleep! And I think I might be the only client who sees her in person. I also think I'm the only one she gives transitional objects to otherwise her office would be bare of her things.

I say just appreciate all that your T does for you. It's up to them to hold the boundaries. L says she does everything with intention, knowing what she can and can't offer. I think your T might be the same.

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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 12:58 PM
  #3
I'm pretty sure they say this to all their clients. We have no way of knowing. My T says he has only seen me face to face through the whole pandemic, and all his other clients virtually. I have no way of knowing for sure though. I don't feel special, because I'm such a failure at everything.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 01:00 PM
  #4
Maybe all those things are a sign that the T trusts you and sees you as a great client to work with. My T has given me her private number too if I need it. She doesn't watch the clock as much as other Ts I have had.

I've seen 2 other T's before her and neither of them gave me a private number or made me feel special in any way. One of them was very strict about how I could contact her and actually made me feel she didn't like me.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 01:04 PM
  #5
No, the therapist has not insinuated that I am special.

She also said she doesn't usually text with clients, but it's not that they don't have her number. She "tolerates" (her words) my texts, but I don't think it's a sign that I'm special in my case.

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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 01:06 PM
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I was aware that they took a different approach at times with me. They said as much on occasion. I didn't really think of it as being "special" so much as they were the type of therapists that individualized their approach depending on a client's needs, personality, etc. I'm quite certain they probably approached how they worked with other clients also very individually.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 01:48 PM
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I think that a lot of what you’ve said could possibly be projection. So you feel like you’ve being treated differently (or perhaps even want her to treat you differently) but actually that’s not the case at all, she’s just tailoring her way of working to what suits you like she would do with all of her clients. I don’t think there is necessarily any deep meaning behind it, she’s just trying to be a good ethical therapist to her client.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 01:58 PM
  #8
I think all of my T's except one have worked hard to make each one of their clients feel special.

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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 02:47 PM
  #9
I know of one occasion when one of my Ts treated me differently from the rest of her patients. Her mother became abruptly ill and my T had to leave unexpectedly for several weeks. She told me that she didn’t tell the rest of her pts why she was leaving, but because she knew it would be so hard on me to have her gone (and, I suspect, because I am a physician who worked at he same institution as she did). I felt special then, especially since she thanked me for responding so compassionately to her when she called me crying to tell me she had to leave for a while.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 02:57 PM
  #10
I guess I don't really feel like being special.

I don't mind that she's treating me different. Cos I agree T has to work differently with different clients, because the same method does not work for everyone.

But I'm just interested why she feel like she need to tell me that it's different than her other clients.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 03:33 PM
  #11
My T does stuff like this all the time. I don’t view it as being special- more that she knows me well enough at this point to err on the side of caution. I am the type of person that struggles with change, so I like to know holiday times, etc. as soon as possible so I can prepare mentally for it. Whereas for some clients, it doesn’t bother them to miss the odd appt, or they don’t want or need lots of lead up time to it.

If you don’t like something she’s said or how it’s made you feel, I would just talk to her about it. Sometimes they get it wrong, and it’s okay to point that out.

I agree with what others have said that Ts shouldn’t treat everyone exactly the same. It’s not about being special, just about understanding diverse needs.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 03:44 PM
  #12
When I was really struggling, there was a period of time she changed her hours for me. Throughout our time together she’s always made it clear that one of her her boundaries is her work hours. So when she changed them for me (quite dramatically), I did feel special.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 04:05 PM
  #13
I am the only one of my T‘s clients she has seen in person in seven months. So I assume I stand out quite a bit.

Although she has talked recently about referring me out to a different speciality therapist. Which just bums me out and does not fix the problem one bit.

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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 04:12 PM
  #14
No - we could barely abide each other

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Default Oct 24, 2020 at 03:34 AM
  #15
I knew by heart it was the case. She didn't need to point it out.
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Default Oct 24, 2020 at 02:51 PM
  #16
I can't think of a time that my T has said "you are special" or anything but I've been seeing him a long time, so between one thing and another I get the impression I am pretty special to him.
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Default Oct 24, 2020 at 03:09 PM
  #17
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmaleemochizuki View Post
But I'm just interested why she feel like she need to tell me that it's different than her other clients.
Aaaand... that’s the part that doesn’t sit well with me. I know that because of my individual needs T treats me differently than many of his other clients. We have kind of “thrown out the book” on how therapy *should* be done and look at each new interaction or need first by making sure it doesn’t violate either of our own personal boundaries and second does it further my healing. If it furthers my healing and we are both comfortable with it then we do it. I don’t think a lot of his other clients would want to work that collaboratively with him or that freely... they want him to be the doctor, follow the book and fix them. Many things we do that are outside the norm he has said that “with some other clients I have done ........ would you like to try that?” Or something similar. Some things I am guessing are things he hasn’t done with other clients or has not done it to the degree with other clients that he does with me. He would never tell me that this was something special, unique or just for me though.
For me being “special” was always a bad thing... so it would be a huge trigger for me if T said “I don’t do this with clients but I think you are a special circumstance”. Even though it may be true. For example clients may have stumbled upon his family members very public web page in a google dive and then told him (and he would be OK with it). I doubt he has ever told a client about it and then when asked given them permission and the link to it... but for me it has been a huge help in our work together.

But, yeh, saying “this is special just for you” would bother me... a lot.

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Default Oct 25, 2020 at 11:39 AM
  #18
I would look at it as not necessarily treating you differently but rather taking into your needs as an individual.

When I was working with my ling term T she often told me things before she told other clients. Sometimes it was because I was very perceptive and could read when something was off. Also, she knew my abandonment issues. She use to say if she retired or moved I would be the first client to know. I would know well in advance so we could take our time in finding somebody else for me to work with. She knew it would be a much easier transition for me.

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Default Oct 25, 2020 at 12:22 PM
  #19
I can understand why it might be bothersome to be told you're being treated differently. I felt ashamed when the therapist told me she doesn't usually text with clients.

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Default Oct 25, 2020 at 12:54 PM
  #20
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I can understand why it might be bothersome to be told you're being treated differently. I felt ashamed when the therapist told me she doesn't usually text with clients.
Did you ever discuss felling l)that way?

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