[KLL85]

I’ve been seeing a new therapist for a few weeks now and I can see he is really trying to make me feel safe and comfortable and is trying to take things at my pace in order to help me build trust which I really really struggle with.
One of the main problems I have is that I automatically see any T as an authority figure so as soon as I step in to sessions I revert to a child like state and become very shut down and struggle to communicate. This has caused a lot of frustration for Ts in the past and I don’t want it to happen again.
I think I need to learn how to talk to my T like any other person to help me feel more comfortable and relaxed with him so that I can start building a solid relationship with him and stay in an adult state during sessions. One of the things that I think would really help with that is having a session where we just talk about random every day stuff not related to me or my feelings or stuff that I’ve been through.
However I have a real problem asking for what I need, it’s just not something that I do due to fear of rejection and being embarrassed about having any kind of need. This new T is pretty firm with his boundaries and is against any kind of self disclosure so I’m really not sure if he would be open to a session of just talking about stuff not related to me and why I am there. But I really believe it would help me to feel more comfortable with him and teach me how to interact more normally with him. I wouldn’t be asking him to tell me anything about himself, but I realise in every day conversation it may be harder for him to keep his boundaries.
Has anyone else ever asked for something like this before and if so how have your Ts responded?

[MissUdy]

I can relate to your post, I find it hard to not see him as an authority figure too. Even though he’s told me he isn’t many times. Can you talk to T about something you are passionate about? He might not tell you about himself, but you could show him different sides of yourself. If you feel comfortable telling him that he feels like an authority figure you have to look up to, he might have some ideas how to fix that? I know it’s different for everyone, but it’s only been a few weeks for you, it took me ages to build up trust with my T.

[Brown Owl 2]

I think I may have felt something similar to you, I have felt that simply being in a relationship and talking to my T about anything really was challenging. I think my first two T’s simply couldn’t grasp this. I asked one of them if we could talk about books we’ve both read and she didn’t give me a positive response. My most recent T was completely different and whatever I wanted to talk about with her was fine.

[GrammyCrackers]

There's something about talking about normal everyday stuff that feels like equality. It's a lot easier to trust help from someone I can also see as a human being, not an authority figure. I don't personally work well with a therapist that takes the "blank slate" approach. I need to work with a person. That doesn't at all mean that we don't respect boundaries. Maybe think about what type of therapist will be a good fit. There is more than one approach. If you're unable to build a therapeutic alliance where you feel comfortable, it's time to think about seeing someone else. Therapists know this as well. Not every therapist is a good fit with a particular client. It's about you choosing what's best for you and your life. That in itself is good progress.