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SarahSweden
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Default Nov 23, 2020 at 03:09 PM
  #1
I've seen my counselor who's not a therapist for supportive chats for about two years now.

Since about a year ago her husband and son moved to another town 300 km away and my counselor now travels there almost every weekend.

She indirectly expresses that she doesn't want to work in that town I see her, she says things like "the weekends are way too short" and she often tells about things she's unhappy about. It can be about having to travel, especially now during the pandemic, and she has said several times that she thinks she should get a laptop from her employer to be able to do work from home.

All in all she seems unhappy about her situation and that she isn't that interested in working with what she does. I don't want to be part of someone's worklife or work situation that the person doesn't really want.

I though have no other counseling options so it's not that I'm planning to cancel everything just from one week to another. But I though think about it and I don't feel I want to ask her straight out.

I think I'm right about her wanting to move but that she stays just because it's very hard to find another job. In that other town, at her age and so on.

I feel I don't want to engage that much as she seems kind of forced to stay at this facility.
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Default Nov 23, 2020 at 03:31 PM
  #2
So much depends upon how bonded you feel with your counselor. I would not want to work with a counselor (or any other professional) who seemed displeased with her job.

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Default Nov 23, 2020 at 05:07 PM
  #3
From what you say, it sounds more like your T doesn’t like the separation and weekend travelling, rather than not liking her job? Maybe she still likes her job?
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Default Nov 23, 2020 at 06:06 PM
  #4
If she got a laptop, doesn’t that imply she’d be doing therapy over the web? You should continue because you said otherwise you wouldn’t get your money

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Default Nov 23, 2020 at 09:00 PM
  #5
I am sorry that you have to deal with this. It can be tough to deal with these disclosures from your counselor. I encourage you to talk her about it.
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 06:58 AM
  #6
Thanks. Yes, I don't think she hates her job but that she would rather stay home with her family, perhaps working with something that allows her to work from home.

She has so much focus on her family and often expresses dislike about things that happen at her workplace. I think she should take her responsibility and find another job in a town where she wants to live, not spend her days wishing she could just go home to her family.

At least not when working with patients.

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From what you say, it sounds more like your T doesn’t like the separation and weekend travelling, rather than not liking her job? Maybe she still likes her job?
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 12:28 PM
  #7
If she's disengaged during session or you aren't adequately satisfied with her work, that would be a reason to stop seeing her. But I don't think there's any point in your trying to figure out if she wishes she could move or something. That's her problem, not yours.
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 01:39 PM
  #8
Thanks. Her wanting to move though becomes my problem indirectly as it affects me both in my current situation and in the future if she actually do move.

It's not an "if she's disengaged" it's a fact or else I hadn't posted this. The situation is though such that I don't have any options and can't just end it easily with her.

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If she's disengaged during session or you aren't adequately satisfied with her work, that would be a reason to stop seeing her. But I don't think there's any point in your trying to figure out if she wishes she could move or something. That's her problem, not yours.
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 02:25 PM
  #9
So if your question is "I'm unhappy with my counselor, should I quit seeing her?" I think the answer is "yes."

If your answer to that is "but I have no other options and can't quit" then I'm wondering what the real question is here.

But most of all I think you should focus on your own life and what you want.
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Default Nov 24, 2020 at 02:44 PM
  #10
Isn't this a forum for psychotherapy and counseling issues? The way you answer is like if you in a forum about heart disease or other illness would say to a patient to just focus on what he/she wants in her life. Probably that patient would say he/she wants to be well and needs a doctor to help him/her with that.

But as questions in here are about mental health problems you perhaps are among those who see the problems as a "faulty attitude to life", "lack of will" or something else that just ends up in blaming the patient for acting or feeling in a wrong way.

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So if your question is "I'm unhappy with my counselor, should I quit seeing her?" I think the answer is "yes."

If your answer to that is "but I have no other options and can't quit" then I'm wondering what the real question is here.

But most of all I think you should focus on your own life and what you want.
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 06:43 AM
  #11
You could quit. But didn’t you say you must see her so you get your financial allowance due to inability to work? So you really can’t quit. So when you ask if you should quit, the answer is you probably shouldn’t. Not sure what you mean if you should if you know you can’t.

Now I’d say it’s normal to want your spouses to live with you and not 300km away so it’s understandable she finds this arrangement bothersome. Should she share it with you? Probably not. But I thought you didn’t want blank state therapists but wantEd them to share. Maybe I am wrong and you want them not to share. So I am not sure.

Well she might move or she might not. There is no way to know. Unless she is separated from her husband as they aren’t a couple anymore she likely eventually will move. But we can’t really know what might happen. You could ask if she intends to move. That’s appropriate question

Also I have to add that you said it “seems” she is unhappy or doesn’t like her job. Not that she is. I commute to work, far. An hour one way. I hate it. I complain about it. But it doesn’t mean I hate my job (I love my job) or that I am about to move or change jobs. So how much of what you think is happening is an assumption (we all do that) and how much is the reality?
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 07:07 AM
  #12
She doesn't just share some things here and there but often gives references to herself and her family. I of course understand it can be bothersome for her to live far from her family but that's no excuse to be unfocused when she sees her clients. Also, whatever reason, I shouldn't have to be forgiving every time as I'm there for a reason, not just to accompany her.

It's not just the fact that she might move, it's more about her focusing and mentioning a lot about her "second" home where her husband and family lives. I don't care that much if it's seen as blurring boundaries or not but it's hurtful that she doesn't think more about my time and why I'm there.

It's like I lived in a similar way as her, with a family, money and so on and she more or less overlook my problems. She has too much to deal with in her own private situation and that's why I think our sessions become like this.

I know too much about being suddenly terminated and that's why I just go along with this and I don't bring it up to her.

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You could quit. But didn’t you say you must see her so you get your financial allowance due to inability to work? So you really can’t quit. So when you ask if you should quit, the answer is you probably shouldn’t. Not sure what you mean if you should if you know you can’t.

Now I’d say it’s normal to want your spouses to live with you and not 300km away so it’s understandable she finds this arrangement bothersome. Should she share it with you? Probably not. But I thought you didn’t want blank state therapists but wantEd them to share. Maybe I am wrong and you want them not to share. So I am not sure.

Well she might move or she might not. There is no way to know. Unless she is separated from her husband as they aren’t a couple anymore she likely eventually will move. But we can’t really know what might happen. You could ask if she intends to move. That’s appropriate question

Also I have to add that you said it “seems” she is unhappy or doesn’t like her job. Not that she is. I commute to work, far. An hour one way. I hate it. I complain about it. But it doesn’t mean I hate my job (I love my job) or that I am about to move or change jobs. So how much of what you think is happening is an assumption (we all do that) and how much is the reality?
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Default Nov 25, 2020 at 07:42 AM
  #13
So you feel she speaks too much about herself in your sessions. That’s a valid concern. But you are afraid to bring it up because you think she’ll terminate you because of your question. So then maybe you should quit. Will it terminate your financial allowance? Are you looking for a job at all? Are you unable to work at all?

In the US if you aren’t able to work for that long and have a proof of you trying to get better and not getting better you’d be recommended to file for disability. Have you considered that and what does your pdoc say?
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