How much do you know about your therapist

I know how much a therapist reveals is very personal and comes down to what they feel comfortable with and also their client, but I do wonder whether my therapist reveals too much. I have a very avoidant attachment so I know I am also prone to looking for any small detail that means I can push that person away. So it would be useful to get some outside perspective.

I know what brought them to therapy and what a little bit about there background. I know what they used to struggle with because what I struggle with they also struggle with. Or used to. I know they don't have a perfect relationship with their mother or other sibling, but seem to be in contact with them. The last few sessions have also been about them saying this is what i used to do when this happened to me.

However the fact they are so open has helped me massively open up. More then any other therapist i have had and i feel like i have more of a back anf forth with them and i don't feel responble for any of the things they say. However, I don't know whether we are both just avoidants and well my therapy is just having a chat? At what point do i know as the client that their sharing crosses that boundary?

The two women I hired used to talk about themselves but I didn't pay attention much - I did not care about them one way or the other.

That all sounds pretty normal to me. If the dynamic seems to be working for you, if it is a dynamic that has allowed you to open up and work towards your own therapy goals, then it doesn't seem to be a problem.

Not sure what you mean by you "are both just avoidants" unless you feel like you are using these dialogues to avoid working on your own issues. However, you said your therapist does qualify what he is telling you about himself as pertinent to or similar to your own situation, as an example. That also seems pretty normal to me.

I never had a blank slate type of therapist; it never would have worked for me. Actually, I did have one briefly (I keep forgetting about him); it was like talking to a doorpost and I didn't see him very long - so incredibly impersonal and boring - almost lacking a personality from my perspective.

My therapists always had pictures of their family in their office. We chatted about light stuff a little each session, so I felt I knew them a bit (and was therefore never curious about their lives outside of session because they were open enough with me - in a very professionally boundaried way). It honestly was a nice balance between professional distance and personal information that was quite comfortable.

Either you are overthinking (by your own admission) or there is more than you are saying that is making you feel uncomfortable. But going only by what you have said in your first post, it sounds like you have to decide if you are overthinking this or if there is more to the story. Hard to know from what you have shared.

I think some people might benefit from their therapist sharing personal things, and some people wouldn’t. I like to know as much as possible about my T, but I know others might just not be that interested. When I first started seeing him I asked him a sort of personal question and he refused to answer it, I always think of how bad that felt when I get the urge to ask him another thing.

She shares more than my other therapists have. I do think she goes a little overboard sometimes with her sharing. I think she thinks I don’t care or judge because I never respond when she tells me stuff.

I try not to ask therapists personal questions on purpose because the one time I did ask a therapist she said “I’m the therapist your the client and I should be asking the questions.”

So that always stuck with me. I did ask my current one when I first met her how old she was and she seemed hesitant but answered. I also asked her about her political views and she said they are not supposed to talk about politics but she knows it’s important to me. but that’s all I’ve asked.

My therapist has shared some aspects of her personal life and past experiences. She shares a lot of information about her feelings and how she feels about me, our work and her responses to me. Sometimes this is very difficult for me to hear because it is not always positive. Sometimes this is very difficult for me to hear because she is moving too close to me. I value that we can acknowledge and work with this material - her reactions and mine.

I don't think you are over-thinking. If this is something you often find yourself thinking about, it is probably an area which needs a lot of attention. Take time to consider it.

These seem like perfect questions to start a discussion with your therapist.

We do questions and answers every session. We have a box of questions we draw from and then we both answer it. They're just ice breaker questions (what's your favorite..., if you won the lottery..., etc). They really help me feel like I know her, and it also reduces my anxiety at the start of sessions. Sometimes I do ask more personal questions. Only one time did she refuse to answer, but later answered when she realized if affected me not knowing.

Over 10 years, T shared A LOT. I knew so much about her, maybe too much but it worked for us.

With current T initially she shared very little. However after Long term T's passing she gradually started to open up more. She knew I needed her to be open more in order to trust her. Since Covid she has shared A LOT, nothing like ow th long term T but a lot for her.

OK, not laughing at you but oh... so much!
I know T has been in therapy several times and I know what at least two major themes were. I know we share some challenges but just enough to be able to really relate... they were not exactly the same. I know a lot about his wife, his kids and her kids... I know his birthday and his anniversary... I know some of his and his wife’s medical struggles. I know the things that bring him great joy in his family life and at least one that brings him pain. I know his hobbies. I don’t know his address but I know what his house looks like inside and out and what city it is in.
He shares a lot with me because I feel safer working with a person than a blank slate. He has shared maybe 40% of what I know, said it was OK for me to access a public space that gives me another 50% of what I know... and then there is google. Of the 40% he has shared 90% has had a direct, significant,mpositive impact on our work. The other 10% he just misread a situation and shared in the hopes it would help me open up/feel safe but I was off in a totally different direction.

I also have attachment issues. I was and continue to be very isolated so often I don’t know “normal” things... like when he showed me a picture of him holding his granddaughter as a baby. I honestly had no clue men held babies.

My therapist is very open. She offers appropriate personal information, and when I ask her questions about her life, she's warm and answers me. So far she has never declined to answer a question about herself.

I appreciate that she shares with me because I feel that she trusts me with information and stories about her own life and her world.

I have seen her for ten years. She is very open. I know more about her than her other clients, she says. She said she talks to me more than her own kids. Her being so open has helped me open up a lot better.

Not a lot. I know her ex-husband committed suicide. I know she has grown up kids and grandkids. I know she was abused by her mother physically and emotionally growing up and into adulthood. I know that her dad didn't protect her nor did her step dad(s). I know that her mom drank a lot/was probably alcoholic. I guess I know more than I thought. I know her religion. I know what city she lives in and what car she drives. I know some of her past jobs.

That would be a lot in my book.

Yeah, after I wrote it out, I thought, oh, I know more than I thought!

Thanks everyone. I wasn't expecting such a big response. This is really helpful and useful to know that actually therapy isn't just a blank slate therapist. My two previous therapists didnt really reveal anything of themselves and gave very little away and i think that was a huge barrier to me opening up. I think i am overthinking it because I don't know if the oversharing is unprofessional, he does say a lot of political stuff and things he has done in the past before he was a therapist. But I suppose the real question is, is it helping me to open up. Which i think it it and I easily have a good easy going rapport with him. I just didn't know whether that was just us not really talking about the heavy stuff and just messing around. I sense he is pretty avoidant as well, in terms of joking of things about himself, but for me this eases the tension. Having an avoidant attatchment myself I know i tend to villify my therapists and sometimes this has been warranted but I also know I push people away to prevent myself from becoming attached and so its hard to trust my judgement on things- is it a trauma response or an actual recognisition of something not working. It is something I am constantly working through and I kinda said it once in therapy and for a number of sessions afterwards he would casually drop in things like I have quit therapy a number of times before. I have called him out on it, which i think previously i don't think i would have been able to do to my therapists, but i do feel hesitant to tell him I literally go home and think about how **** he is as a therapist and i don't know whether it is because he is **** or because I am scared of attaching.
There is perhaps more to the story, I am non-binary and last session he used the wrong pronouns. several times and i feel i illustrated my frustration but we didn't talk about it. He is also going through a time at the moment and I am not very compassionate with therapists who have their own stuff to deal with (which i realise is a contridiction with it being helpful for me to start attaching to the person) and so i think i was holding that against him and potenially projecting an unprofessionalism due to my own perception of his openess as vulunerable. Its very messed up. But perhaps as you have read there is a mound of contridictions in here, hence the overthinking.
I am also really struggling at the moment and I suppose last session I think i wanted more then I got, which i am not sure was poor counselling or actually me wanting someone to save me and getting angry when they fall short of solving all my problems there and then. ****, maybe I am attatched.....