T seeing progress

Has your T mentioned how much progress you have made when you really do not see it?

Lately this has been a big issue with T and I. One example, last week we talked about a couple of difficult topics. At the end she said she was impressed that I was able to talk about both of them and stay present. She said it was a sign of real growth. When in reality I do not see it as growth but sliding backwards. For the first 8 years of therapy I never dissociated and never really avoided topics. I avoided feeling and could discuss anything. With long term T I only dissociated a couple of times near the end of our working together.

With current T I have dissociated quite a few times. Since I did not last week she sees it as huge progress. However the reality is the longer this pandemic goes on the less I can deal with emotions so I have put a wall up so I do not feel, like I did for most of my life. She says I can reach out to her between sessions but she hasnt been the greatest lately about responding, plus I am seeing signs that she is struggling, at least with anxiety. I dont know how to tell her all of this, nor am I sure I want to.

Have you told her this? If not, I definitely would. "With current T I have dissociated quite a few times. Since I did not last week she sees it as huge progress. However the reality is the longer this pandemic goes on the less I can deal with emotions so I have put a wall up so I do not feel, like I did for most of my life. She says I can reach out to her between sessions but she hasnt been the greatest lately about responding, plus I am seeing signs that she is struggling, at least with anxiety. I dont know how to tell her all of this, nor am I sure I want to."

I think this can be a tricky area. On the one hand, I think sometimes therapists are able to step back and see the ‘bigger picture’, especially if they’ve been working with us for a while, and maybe notice progress even in times when the client might be really upset and struggling. On the other hand, it can be invalidating if we’re trying to communicate that we’re having a difficult time and the therapist is just all about how much progress we’ve made - it can feel like not being heard. So I guess it’s a delicate thing.
I’ve had this experience recently, really struggling in the current lockdown. But my T who has known me for 8 years pointing out that I am more self assured and better able to cope etc. even in this current situation. Both things are true - I’m much better able to cope than I was years ago, but also I’m really having a difficult time right now!!

I have not. We have discussed this wall before and it just turns into a frustrating conversation. I know it is because of the need for a connection with her. It has been worse during the pandemic.. We discuss it things are better for a few sessions then I slip back. Not having in person con tr act really sucks.

This is the struggle I am having. When I started therapy years ago with long term T. I could talk about anything and never showed emotions nor felt them. so she knew me as that person.. As we got deeper and I really started to trust her and knew that she was there outside of our scheduled appointments, I started to feel all the emotions but having a low tolerance, I started to dissociate and need help delaying with the emotions outside of appointments.

With everything going on right now I am back to that place where I put that wall up in order to not feel so overwhelmed and perhaps miss our in person appointments. It seems so pathetic.

It sounds like perhaps in one way you have progressed and you therapist is seeing that, and in other ways you are feeling like you are not handling things as well.

You two may be discussing two different things in the same conversation. It happens. It's also possible that we can progress in certain areas while having issues in others. This is great fodder for therapy discussion. Talk to her.

It is not pathetic, and neither are you. Covid has messed with a lot of people's lives in a myriad of ways. Even as adults, we are afraid. We don't know what will happen next, and for a lot of people with mental illness, this can feel overwhelming. If the wall helps, let it. Just remember that you don't have to keep it up forever ((Not)).

My therapist has pointed out a number of times that I have made great progress. I do think that how a therapist measures progress might be somewhat different than we, as clients, measure it.

When my T first commented about my progress I guess I looked doubtful (I sure felt doubtful), because she reminded me of a major issue I had had when I first met her, and how that issue is now much less intrusive and painful for me.

I was surprised! I'd forgotten about that particular issue. Suddenly I could see what she meant by "progress."

The T does have far more of an objective overview than the client does.

I ended up talking to T about this week. We didn't discuss whether it was progress or not. We talked about that there were a lot of emotional things going on along with the topics I brought up in the last sessions. I knew if I didnt bring them up it was going to effect my holiday. However if I did bring them up, there was a chance I would have an emotional hangover that would effect my holiday. So I resorted to my default of putting the emotional wall up.

My T will occasionally say that it may not feel like it but the fact that more memories and crap are coming up and even though I feel bad about them that it is a good thing and means progress. He says that my parts know that i am able to handle more so they are sharing more memories with me because I have worked through so much already. Water out of the bucket to make room for more so to say. Like you, I buried everything for 50 years. I had a lot of depressioin and SUI since probably the age of 8, but I never let my emotions show. I still don't; he says I have the worst flat affect he has ever seen. While I still have all of those same feelings, I am able to recognize them now and have developed a lot of coping skills to deal with them. So in that way I guess I see the progress.