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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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Dec 03, 2020 at 03:24 PM
#1
Today my therapist tested me on how much I lose focus and other things that are impacting me dissociation. I was hopeful to start EMDR, however she just told me she has to review the answers to the questions she asked me today. Also she told me we both have to make sure that any trauma work has to be done slowly.
I left the session confused and felt that she might abandon me because of how much in my life im not able to focus on the here and now. I have never ever been this open with a therapist or was ever allowed to explore why im losing focus. I have allot of shame and embarrassment from not knowing for a long time what was happening. I have lost friendships, family have become very distant in my life. I don't know if what im feeling is normal. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
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Dec 03, 2020 at 04:12 PM
#2
Dear Cheryl27,
You seem very brave and insightful to me. The human brain is mysterious. We cannot be responsible for everything it causes in our behavior. None of us is an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-perfect, Infinite Being. We each have a little three pound brain. And it is profoundly affected by genetics, environment, past influences, present influences and so on. I think you are doing really well considering the enormously burdens placed upon you. Sincerely yours, Yao Wen |
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| Taylor27
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 Taylor27
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Dec 03, 2020 at 04:16 PM
#3
HUGS @Cheryl27
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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| Taylor27
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Taylor27
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
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Dec 03, 2020 at 10:22 PM
#4
I don't think she'll abandon you. It is possible if she doesn't have the skills to help you she may refer you on to someone who is better skilled than her however.
Given that you scored highly on the dissociative test it is unlikely that you will start EMDR therapy soon. EMDR therapists need specific training to do EMDR therapy with dissociative clients, and they need to approach it rally cautiously. I have been with my EMDR therapist for 3 years, but she still won't do trauma reprocessing with me. I am also highly dissociative (DID) and she keeps saying I am "not ready" yet. My T keeps saying this is going to take a lot of time. I know I have made a lot of progress in three years, but I know I still have a lot further to go. Like me you may need a LOT of patience! |
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| Taylor27
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Quietmind 2, Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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Dec 04, 2020 at 07:39 AM
#5
Quote:
I think she is trained to help me and she told me that we have to go slow. Also after the test was done she was mentioning other things we can do that would help me. I have issues with people just leaving me and I let the negative thoughts take over yesturday. Thank you for responding to my post. 
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
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Dec 04, 2020 at 08:01 AM
#6
I don't read this as T indicating that she intends to abandon you because of this.
Actually, I see the opposite. T is proceeding with care care and wants to make sure you are 'safe' (have enough support or self-support) and ready before taking the next step. As she mentioned, it might mean getting there slower and maybe not jumping on straight to EMDR etc. When are you next seeing her? That would help ease your worries! |
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| Taylor27
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Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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Dec 04, 2020 at 09:27 AM
#7
Quote:
I see her on Dec. 17th I am feel better and more sure that i mis understood what she was implying how EMDR works. I too that out of context meaning she could no longer see me. I also know we have a plan set out in future sessions. I will make sure I let her know so that this does not upset me everytime something is mention and my thoughts take over.
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| Lemoncake
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Magnate
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Dec 04, 2020 at 09:34 AM
#8
Hey, I am 'guilty' of doing the same thing with mine, so I hear ya!
Therapy can touch our... sensitive buttons. At least, it touches mine 
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| Taylor27
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Taylor27
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Luna's offical mini me.
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Dec 04, 2020 at 09:49 AM
#9
Quote:
 I think she just wants to make sure that she can help support you better. I did watch a youtube video on EMDR and for some people they do need additional sessions before treatment can actually begin- this is just to ensure they can cope better. You're doing your best now and dissociation is a coping mechanism. It's not your fault. . __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." 
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| Taylor27
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Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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Dec 04, 2020 at 09:58 AM
#10
Quote:
Thank you I believe in time I will get better. I know that im doing the best I can right now. I think my therapist understands too that Im doing the best I can right now. Also I knew something was not right a few years ago when I got sober from alcohol. Now that my mind is more clear then ever it's starting to make sense. I have some books that I am reading in my free time, these forums are helping between sessions.
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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Dec 04, 2020 at 10:00 AM
#11
Quote:
I agree with you on that one.
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Grand Magnate
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Dec 04, 2020 at 05:30 PM
#12
If you are concerned she will abandon you definitely talk to her. I doubt she will though. Trauma therapists know clients are on different places and all work at their own pace.
Based upon things I told my EMDR T and some incorrect assumptions based on what I presented as and my therapy history she thought I was in a different place emotionally when we started therapy. Since I was working with two therapists and was seeing her just for Emdr with very little preparation we jumped right in. it was awful I dissociated a lot. We had to back way up and work on emotional regulation and resource building. Then when I lot my other T, we had to deal with life stressors. it has now been about 2 years since we attempted Emdr. Hopefully when we get back to face to face we can try again. I, like you, have feared she would refer me to somebody else. We have spoken about it and says that she would not do that because we are making good progress. __________________ |
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| SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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Taylor27
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Dec 04, 2020 at 06:13 PM
#13
Based on what you said, I am wondering if you may have been dissociating when you left the session. That's something that I may talk with your therapist about. I'm seeing a T who does EMDR and something that he's talked about with me is making sure that I'm in a stable place when I leave, for a variety of reasons, least not safety (since I drive).
I agree with everyone else that it doesn't sound like your T is planning to leave you. The opposite, actually. It sounds like she's committed to doing the work with you at the pace that you're able to handle it. I hope that things go well for you. |
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| SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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6 24.3k hugs
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Dec 05, 2020 at 09:05 AM
#14
Quote:
Thank you for mentioning that, I think as soon as she was explaining how EMDR therapy works and that she needs time to review the test i started to panic for a bit, until we talked more about how I need to go slow and she has other things we can do to help me. I walk home im only a block away. I will bring this up when I see her on the 17th of Dec. I think she very helpful for me and someone that is committed to guiding me through the hard work that im wanting to do to get better.
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| SlumberKitty
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