Therapist moving offices: Thoughts to honor old space and welcome new one?

The T I've been with for 6 years is moving his office in a couple months. It's not that far away, and will actually be slightly closer for me. But I'm pretty attached to his current space. And he's said his new one will be "75% smaller," too (his current one is quite large).

I struggled when ex-T and ex-MC changed offices (even though it was literally up the block). I'm thinking it might help to honor/say good-bye to the old space, including the work we did there, and welcome the new one. I'm trying to figure out what might feel meaningful that my T would also agree to.

Ideas? I know another therapist in his office suite burns candles, so I assume they're allowed. So that's a thought, something involving a candle (for good-bye and/or welcome, depending on rules in new building), but I'm not sure what specifically to do.

And he has a small glass fish in his office that I gifted him for the 5-year thera-versary, I wondered about asking if I could be the one to place it in the new office. But I don't know what he'd say to that. (If I hadn't already given him something for his office, I'd have considered that, but not trying to add another thing, particularly with it being smaller.)

Any other thoughts? Is there something you did--whether with a therapist, when leaving an old home/moving into a new one, etc. that you found to be meaningful? (I feel like this has been discussed before, but it seems like a difficult topic to search. Feel free to link if you know of a thread.)

I can relate. L's not moving offices, but she's going to redecorate it taking out bookshelves, a desk, artwork, and maybe her chair. And she's adding at least a couch. She wants her room to accommodate a lot of people for when they do group meetings. And they have someone else designing the space! I told her I'm not bringing back any of her things until I know they'll have a home.

I think lighting a candle is an awesome idea. L wants us to do an extra session or a longer session to say goodbye to everything that's leaving. I don't know how to do that either.

Just realized that I said "75% smaller," when I meant "75% the size of his current office." That's what I get for making a post on like 4 hours of sleep! I am terrible at actual dimensions, but let's say the office is 12 feet long now--the new one would be 9 feet long (dimension the other way is staying the same).

I'm glad you understand, Scarlet. And sorry you're dealing with the office being remodeled--I see where that would be distressing, too. That makes sense to hold onto your things until you know where they'd go.

I hope you'll be able to do a longer session (or an extra one). When is she making the change? Maybe we can share ideas with each other. You and L already have some rituals, so maybe it will be easier to come up with one that works for both of you.

I took photos of his old office. He knew I was not feeling great about moving. I was the last client in his old office and I think he was feeling a little sad about leaving too. I bought him a candle as an office warming gift. Still sitting there so I'm not sure if he likes it or not even though it was a pretty tame Sea Salt scent.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with this. I was thinking of photos, too. I imagine he'd let me take some of his office. I'd like to take one with him in it, but I'm about 95% sure he'd say no. (I don't think he likes having his photo taken.) I suppose it's worth an ask, as long as I'm willing to accept the answer?

I discussed this with a friend the other day and was saying maybe he'd be willing to sit in his chair for a pic, as long as his face was covered in some way. Which led to my googling silly masks he could wear.

With the candle you gave him, maybe he didn't want to burn it, as then it would get used up?

Instead of a mask it could also just be a book opened fully.

That's a good thought. I mean, ideally, it would just be him without anything in front of him. But thinking of compromises, and that seems a good one.

Or just the legal pad (notepad) had tends to have sitting near him). As I'm now thinking--wait, which book? Or open his laptop and hold it in front of his head. Or hold up a plant. Cover his face with his hands. Maybe we can brainstorm. And make it fun? Unless he says definitely no to any of it.

My old T moved after 16yrs of seeing her in "our room"... Becuse I am highly attuned to surrebdings I knew where every book was in get large bookshelves so whrn she moved she put the books back exactly (well almost) the same as, they had been in the old room.. She sent me a photo and I replied "almost thy+e same" and she replied "well, you're right!! I lost 1 book in the move and I'm amazed you knew, that!"

I'd probably take pictures of things. And ask him to bring some of the things to the new office, like plants, his (very bad and weird) art posters, stuff like that.

When my T redecorated his office (substantially), he sent me photos of it before my session, so I could see it and get a little bit used to it before setting foot in it. He also allowed me to give him a gift, a decorative item that went well with his updated office. He also sent me photos of the old space (because I had neglected to take any). All of those things helped immensely, but it was still a hard transition. I couldn't even sit in his new chairs for a few sessions. I just sat on the floor with my back against the wall, looking at them. (So weird how important the space itself, and the things in it, become.) He was very patient and understanding.

Sorry it was so difficult for you. Did it just take time to adapt, or was there some particular thing you did? I get what you mean about the space being so important. I do wonder if some of this is that my parents are still in the house I grew up in, so I'm not used to change.

I was thinking of asking if he could show me photos of the new space. i get the sense (from asking) that he's going to make the move over a weekend, so even if he could, say, text me a pic of the new office before my first session in it, that would help. Or send a pic of it empty, but I'm not sure that would be as helpful.

It just took time. I had to come to see and believe that he was the same in the new space, and that our relationship was the same. And I had to just sit and look at those stupid chairs, and be mad at them, that they weren't my old "safe" chairs. And my teenaged part wrote a poem about the new chairs and I read it to him. And it was fine after a couple of weeks.

I don't know that it's about not being good at change. I moved five times in childhood and would say I'm relatively adaptable to change. For me, it had to do with a sense of safety. Because of trauma, I never really carried a sense of safety within me, and didn't really feel it in the world, either. And it wasn't until we worked together for a long time, that I felt a sense of safety. And I felt it in his office like I felt nowhere else in the world. So to have that space disrupted was really hard.

But ultimately, I think it was good, because it helped me see that it wasn't really the space that was safe, but the relationship, and also, that I have the ability to keep myself safe and/or get back to safety (that lesson has taken a long time to learn, and his space changing was only a small part of learning that, but I think it's a critical lesson).