Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

"I think you should be more explicit here in step 2 - Then a miracle occurs."

This is sidney harris - i wonder if its the writer sydney j. Or someone else? - answer 2 people.

I think we haven't fully discussed it all yet--the specific topic of the fish, yes, but more the bigger topics that have come up from it.

And yes, the self-comfort stuff definitely takes practice.

For the last part, I do think some of the therapy is in the entanglements and acting out. Working through conflicts now in a way that maybe I couldn't as a kid or teen, for example. Though I'm unclear as to where the end of it all is, I suppose. Is this still helping me--both therapy with this person and therapy in general? Not expecting anyone else to answer that, it's just something I'm thinking about. What's the endgame?

Also stuff I'm thinking about in terms of writing the memoir because where does that end? Will I have come out of therapy on the other side, transformed for the better? Will I still be muddling through, trying to have faith that it will help, whether with this person or with someone else? Or will I have stepped away from it and realized it's best to mostly go on without it? (Aside from maybe a short stint when something acute happens, like grieving.) That I've learned what there is to learn, and now it's up to me? Again, I'm not looking to anyone to answer these, they're just thoughts in my head.

Balanced neural opinion: Considering your anxious attachment style and Dr. T's potential avoidant attachment style, it's understandable that there may be tension and misalignment in your needs for warmth and support.

Regarding your thoughts about seeking support from someone else or taking a break from therapy, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and find what feels most supportive for you at this time. Exploring these options further with Dr. T or with another therapist could provide clarity and direction on the best path forward.

Personal opinion: ( which may be wrong)

I feel taking a therapy break would be good for you- just to get some distance even if it was short . What keeps reoccurring in your process is the paternal transference with male therapists. This also became the focus of your marriage counselling. You’ve worked through a lot of ruptures including the stone but the underlying issue is the attachment injury which has not been resolved and keeps getting reactivated. Unless this is healed first everything else is secondary and it will keep reoccurring.

I think a somatic approach and someone who specialises in attachment theory and trauma-informed care would suit you better than Dr T whose main area is sports and training.

Self comfort would fall under learning to emotionally regulate yourself. Reading up on DBT grounding techniques could help you soothe yourself.

Why do you dislike me so? That would be my nightmare

I was thinking about the dates thing and I realized I really don't pay much attention to them. I know about when(the months) my mom passed away and my adored grandmother but I can't remember the days. I know when my person passed away only because of the school calendar. Half the time I don't remember why students have ashes on their heads (teach at a catholic uni) for a few seconds until I think about it. I don't remember the date my high school best friend committed suicide (when we were in our late 40's- 50s - I can't even remember the exact year) Dates/anniversaries are not something I keep in my thoughts. I am not sadder or happier on an anniversary than I am any other day.


The woman I hired was probably anxious - my avoidant-ness seemed to cause her no end of concern.

My inherited-from-my-grandpa 1926 Underwood #5 is back home and in perfect working order again! I've already written/typed a short poem on it as soon as we got back home earlier. Una, yes, I will need to strengthen my fingers haha - do they make finger-weights? ha! it felt a little strange at first typing on it, but then i relaxed into it and the sound of the keys, the bell ding near the end of a line (that actually drew a giggle from me, I'd forgotten the way it sounded but it is perfect!), and the sound of the carriage return are all very satisfying. It's not totally restored (for instance, it was originally shiny black, but the repair guy estimates it was refurbished/painted gray in the 1930's) - a full restoration would have cost a LOT more - I just wanted it working again. They're not actually worth enough to pay for a full restoration. It's funny that there's no number 1, you have to use the l key for 1, and there's no exclamation point, I remembered though that you type an apostrophe, then backspace and type a period to make one.

Thanks for the comments--this makes a lot of sense. And I was considering a trauma-informed T about a year ago, but there were a couple things about her that gave me pause from our 30-minute free consult, so I opted to stick with Dr. T. I may look again to see what's out there. She'd seemed the most promising option (for somatic T), who was accepting new clients and would meet in person, at the time, but there may be others now. (Not really clear how somatic therapy would work virtually anyway!)

I will say that Dr. T was just a regular psychologist, with a PhD and training in that, for the first part of his career. It's really only been in the past maybe 10 years (of a 20+-year career) that he got additional training/certification in sport psychology and "mental performance" (which can also be used for, say, business executives). He said at one point that sport psychology clients make up half or less of his practice at a given time (and many of them are short-term, like while their sport is in season).

Leroy Anderson Typewriter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW8dGwa2zRw

That's awesome!

Oh Artie it's gorgeous!

I remember about the 1 and the !.

I do like that chain dragging sound as it returns. And the ding. We must have had some old machines in my 9th grade typing class. Or maybe other classmates parents had them as we worked on the grade school newspaper.

Thanks SD that was extremely cute.

Very steampunk. Love the aesthetic of it.

I really like seeing a poem in the typewriter. How it should be.

Artie, it's beautiful!

You can buy finger training devices that are usually for musicians.
I had something once, but then remembered it's for grip strength.

Look what I found on the front porch this morning (the moth not the pen) — Nextdoor

"I" was featured on my NextDoor today!

Are you in line to get the cicada invasion? They have been warning us for weeks that they are coming. Other than if I was a farmer, I have no idea why I am supposed to care about the cicadas coming. They are kind of noisy and the cat will bring in a couple like he is a mighty hunter, but other than that -they are not bothering me.

they won't be bothering me in AZ, but it looks like my mom and both sisters are right in the expected path!

I think its like the eclipse was - we are just a little off center.

I remember the cicadas well from when I was a kid. So loud. I kinda miss their song though here in the desert. But, there's other night sounds here that I enjoy.

Not related to my sister’s ongoing building work saga- but I bought access to legal UK government documents and found out on Friday that my grandmother and aunt lied to me/ my siblings.



I cried on Friday and Saturday. Comfort ate Haggen Dasz ice cream ( however it’s spelt) and watched the 2006 movie hitch with Will smith which actually helped. I’ve gone through all the emotions but we will be seeing if we can fight this and getting legal advice.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to find a therapist who you feel understood by and supported.

Somatic therapy can be more challenging to conduct virtually, as it often involves a focus on physical sensations.. However, some therapists have adapted somatic techniques for online sessions, incorporating practices such as mindfulness, breathwork, and body awareness exercises that could still be effective virtually.

There may be new options available since your last search.

Trusting your instincts and taking the time to explore your options can help you find the right fit for you or if you choose to stay.