[Razzleberry]

I know it is a bit Freudian to blame things on my mother. And I really don't 'blame' her, but this recent line of emails just takes the cake.

I should have just kept my mouth shut...but late last week, I sent emails to my siblings and my mom to tell them about my diagnosis. I told them that I attempted suicide when I was 11, the same year I ran away from home. I told them I've had a half-dozen more attempts since then, and I had severe postpartum depression after my daugther was born. I told them that I was doing much better for a while but that something messed me up late last fall and I fell back into the downward spiral.

Anyway...my mom sends an email back. Here are a few clips:

"I was stunned that you were the 'crazy' one"
"How could the rest of us have no idea and missed the signs for so long?"
"Did I understand you correctly that this was taking place as early as grade school for you"

Ok, now, you would have to know my mom to know that there is a "tone" behind these statements. No, I don't think it's genuine concern. It's trying to trip me up and say that I must not be crazy because she would have seen it.

The next email gets even better.

Some background here...my family is VERY religious, and I am anything but. I tried to explain a little of that in my email. Not a good idea.

Here is what she said:
"From what youwrote, it sounds like you do not even believe in Christianity? Did I read that correctly? Just wondering what value system or such you and (husband) base your choices on? And what value system are you teaching (daughter)? She will need something specific to help guide her as she grows older."

And again...you need to know my mother, but this is NOT genuine concern. It is her lovely judgemental attitude shining thru clearly.

I am just so....ticked off now. I should have not said a word. Yet this just solidifies my mom's opinions of me. She thinks I'm just a big sinner who never did anything right and nothing I do will EVER make her happy until I "repent" and "come back" to their way of life. A way of life that I strongly disagree with for myself.

Just so frustrating. I really wish I could have a good relationship with SOMEONE in my family, but I am just an outcast.

[Kiya]

(((((((((((Razz)))))))))))

=( Hard to keep reaching out and get kicked instead. I wish there were something i could say that could erace her cruel meaning and intent to harm.
Hugs, Kiya

That stinks.

[MyBestKids2]

(((Razzleberry))))

[Peanuts]

I am sorry that your mom wasn't supportive and didn't offer concern, unconditional love, and empathy for your well-being. Hopefully, your siblings will offer support. Keep in mind, however, that we can choose our friends but not our relatives. You cannot control the family you are born into. While it would be wonderful to get love and support from your natural family - it is not always a reality for everyone. Sometimes people use religion as an addiction to mask personal issues and it is just not possible for such a person to honestly engage with another person. Even if that other person is family.

Perhaps there are web sites that you can reference for your family so that they can read-up on your condition along with suggestions on how they can help you on your road to recovery. It could be that they are not sure what to do for you. It could be that they are not knowledgeable about mental health and it is scary for them to learn more info.

It sounds as if your mom is not offering you the support and acceptance that you need right now - she might be able to do so in the future so don't give up hope. She is not offering right now but maybe later.

Do you have others who can offer support and understanding while you work on recovery ??

[Razzleberry]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Peanuts said:
It sounds as if your mom is not offering you the support and acceptance that you need right now - she might be able to do so in the future so don't give up hope. She is not offering right now but maybe later.

Do you have others who can offer support and understanding while you work on recovery ??

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Not really. I don't have any close friends, and with my social anxiety on top of all this, I have trouble making new friends. I don't have a very good relationship with anyone in my family.

Although, since I announced all this, I have had some nice emails from a couple of my sisters. Maybe I can still salvage those relationships. That might be nice. Just about 20 years too late!

[Kiya]

they say it's never too late.... hopefully some good can still come from this.
Many hugs and understanding despite the seemingly trite words. i just watched YaYa sisterhood again....

[Peanuts]

Sisters can be great friends !! Cultivate a freiendship with those sisters who are responding supportively with you. I'm so happy for you that you got some positive responses from your sisters.

good luck,