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Old 02-22-2007, 02:14 PM   #1
Rhapsody
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Default Content vs being Happy

Hmm - Content vs being Happy Content vs being Happy

I just had a thought after watching a movie on TV..... concerning LoVe.

A lot of people are content - but they are NOT happy... and that makes all the difference.
....... in success or failure of the relationship.

QUESTION:
What are each and everyone of us doing for our sufficient other / our relationship(s) to be HAPPY?


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Old 02-22-2007, 03:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

This is a very thought provoking thread.

Is content not the same as happy? Happy and sad are two extremes, but when you find peace with yourself and surroundings, that will lead to contentment which is the middle ground.

If you were to experience great happiness with your significant other, would that not mean that you would also be experiencing great upset or sadness, whereby you compare the two extremes to come up with the definition of 'happiness'?



But to answer your question, I do things for my significant other that I know will make him happy. (Back rub, cuddle, ask him about his interests, serve his favorite food) When I feel his joy, then I am happy, and he does the same. We are happy, but also content.

Just my thoughts on the concept of contentment, or am I missing something else that you are trying to convey?
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Old 02-22-2007, 03:47 PM   #3
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almostangela said:
This is a very thought provoking thread.

Is content not the same as happy?

Just my thoughts on the concept of contentment, or am I missing something else that you are trying to convey?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

The concept was not so much on contentment, but rather on being content (settling).
Are you just content in the relationship or are you really truly HAPPY within the relationship...... meaning do you just settle for what you got (just being content) or are you in love and happy in your present relationship / marriage?

.... it is sad, but many people are just content in their relationships, for it is better than nothing at all - being alone, and yet if both parties try - they can both be HAPPY (a better place of being) with in a relationship.

....... True HAPPINESS!!!


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Old 02-22-2007, 04:49 PM   #4
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

I knew I must be missing something. What you are referring to is in being so settled that you are stuck in a rut and it's not so great. (did I get it right this time?) I was married for 20 years and I know what that feels like. I learned that you can try to pump sunshine up your butt all you want, but if the other person doesn't try to make it better too, it is futile. I do beleive that if you introduce a different atmosphere (like an unusual vacation) it can add a level of excitement that opens you both to new experiences that you can explore and find that joy again. However, the risk is that the other person doesn't want to play and it winds up being a catastrophy and makes matters worse.
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Old 02-22-2007, 06:37 PM   #5
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

A spiritual mentor once told me that seeking happiness was futile, because happi-ness comes from the same root word as happenstance. It makes our feeling dependent on having outer circumstances go our way -- and we have no control over them.

She suggested that joy is what we are really seeking. Being a woman of faith, she believes that joy wells up from our oneness with . . . well, each of us must fill in that blank according to our own beliefs.

Thus, I would rather have contentment than happiness. To me, happiness means that I am looking for my Other to be and do what I want him to. Contentment is empowering, because to me it represents inner peace.
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Old 02-22-2007, 08:49 PM   #6
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

Wants2Fly, I couldn't have said it better myself- that is excellently put! While I do understand why this question was posted, I think this is the kind of dangerous thinking that leads people quick to divorce or think that what they have is not "good enough". You even mentioned that you were watching a movie and it made you think of that question. That is why sometimes I despise romantic movies, romance novels, etc. I heard recently that the reason (probably one of many!) that Jessica Simpson divorced her husband was because she watched "The Notebook" and realized that they didn't connect like that.

I'm definately not advocating staying with someone if you're unhappy But I do agree with Wants2Fly- to say we need someone else to make us "happy" is a dangerous game to play and we are setting ourselves up for failure. Maybe being content and comfortable can feel a little boring every now again- that's okay- that's when you put in a little effort. Here are two fitting cliches to end on:

The grass is always greener... AND
If it aint' broke...
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Old 02-22-2007, 09:17 PM   #7
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

Content to me is like being comfortable in a relationship. With that whatever works attitude. Just settling for whats there. Feeling as if you can't do any better or that you don't want to be alone forever so that's where you settle for second best so to speak. Being separate as apposed to being as one with the other person. (Settling is the main word I think of when I think of being content)

Happy to me is like being excited and experiencing new things and really enjoying ones company with passion, love, and feeling of wanting a life partner with honesty, trust, and all the good things in life. Wanting to see them everyday yearning to here their voice over the phone or in the room. The comfort of their touch and just knowing that you have that feeling of belonging. There, then, now, and forever. Being as one.

Now me I feel as if I am in the middle. What is the middle you may ask?

LOST Content vs being Happy
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Old 02-22-2007, 09:26 PM   #8
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

Yeah, we're all in the middle, I think. Your description of happiness is great- I just really am not sure that is attainable on an every day basis. I don't stay with my husband because I don't want to be alone, I stay with him because I love him, he is my family and my best friend. Do I long to hear his voice or feel his touch? No, not all the time. And there are some days, I can't stand to hear his voice!!! haha Not often, but realistically, I don't think any relationship is as glorious as you describe.

Maybe I'm wrong... If so, I'm screwed, I guess.
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Old 02-22-2007, 09:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

Ok - let ME try again.....

What I am trying to convey is that...... many people are just going through life and/ or a relationship just being content with what they have or were they are in life and love (even though they are not happy - often lacking joy with the over all out come) - they remain being nothing more than just content within matters of the heart... thus they are missing out on being HAPPY - having JOY.

Does that make better since..... please know that the word content I am using here does not hold the same meaning as the word contentment - at least not in what I am trying to express it.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Example: Like staying in a loveless marriage... you remian in it for you are content with the financial and emotional security the marriage gives unto you and the children - yet deep inside you desire more - to be HAPPY and to be filled with JOY when you are sharing your life and heart with another
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Old 02-23-2007, 07:12 AM   #10
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Default Re: Content vs being Happy

I think I found this definition for you Rhapsody :-)

"satisfy in a limited way; "He contented himself with one glass of beer per day"

http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=content

I think it's hard to judge anyone else's marriage/love life as we're not there 24/7 and over the years, etc. so don't know the smaller nuiances. But given your definition, I'd have to say I'm "happy." Why am I happy instead of merely content? My husband gives me room to "develop" and cheers me on but doesn't "expect" anything of me, merely appreciates me. We let one another "be" the people we are and don't get in one another's sun but try to water each other.

We have shared jokes/points of view and if we're apart we're curious about what the other has seen/done while we've been apart; even if it's only with his being up in the office and me down here at the dining room table! I love to think of little presents/surprises for him, often bring him some little thing if I go shopping alone (or even with him at the grocery store as he is not very observant :-) and he'll read aloud to me if I ask, while I rub his damaged foot that hurts him often. We "share" our lives together and that makes me happy. I like warmth and sharing and I guess he does too :-)
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