How to stop obsessing over someone. Please help me.

Hi

I'm Elin and I'm obsessed with a teacher that I had for 3 years. I left that school 2,5 years ago and haven't seen her since but I'm still obsessed.(we still email now and then) I know it's very sick since it's been TWO and a HALF years but I don't know how to stop. I keep thinking about her every day and miss her so much.

Can someone please give me advice or tell their own story.. it's a huge issue to me, so bad that it gives me suicidal thoughts.

thank you

Elin

If you're having suicidal thoughts, please go get help from a licensed therapist or psychiatrist. Your attachment to your teacher has gotten very unhealthy.

thanks. I know it's unhealthy. my mind is just messed up. I don't know how to stop thinking of her. It's like an addiction.

I tried several therapists but it didn't feel good. my teacher was great and I talked with her about my problems. when i go to a therapist, i compare her to my teacher and that's not right.

when you have someone in your mind all day for 3 years, it's not easy to quit. I feel like an alcoholic that needs her alcohol. But I think that this is much harder. When you are addicted to something like drugs or drinks, you can avoid it. But you can't stop your brain and quit thinking.

She is the only person in my life that I have truly loved. (and I still do, I always will) She was the only person that made me feel important and not worthless. It's so tough.

I'm feeling so horrible. I am 19 years old, what if I live for 60 more years? Without her ? Every day feels like a battle. I can't explain how much she means to me. How on earth am I going to let her go and get her out of my mind, since this stuff is going on for 3 years? I'm so desperate and the tears well up when I write this. My heart feels so broken. I want her to get out of my head but I am trying that for years. I'm just so crazy and insane. I feel like a complete idiot. My old classmates are probably never thinking about her anymore. Like it should be. I am so jealous at her husband. He is the luckiest guy on earth and doesn't probably even realise it. Why am I not him? I feel also so pathetic because there are people who have much bigger problems and might be thinking that i'm just being stupid but I feel like there is no world without her.

Why am I like this? And why did she fill my heart with so much love? If she wasn't so amazing I would not have this problem. I read on the internet that I must think in a bad way about her, but I just can't. She's an angel and has done nothing wrong.

And you know what the worst thing is? My dad died when I was 13, but I never missed him so much as I miss my teacher. How horrible is that?

That's the thing, there's a ton going on here. Attachment, transference just to name a few. And they're strong. Mentally you've created an image of your teacher as being a source of happiness. You've overinflated her good qualities and frozen that image of her in your mind. Basically you aren't seeing the real her anymore.

A good therapist should be able to help you talk through these issues so you can see her in the correct light and move on.

It's true what you said, thank you. The thing is that I don't trust people and I have had some bad experiences with therapists. Also it costs money and I don't have a lot, so it's a big risk to go in therapy again.

I think you're right when you say that I have frozen a image of her in my head. I wish I had a friend in real life where I could talk to instead of an expensive therapist. But I don't have them and also no family to talk about my issues. It's really sick but I have conversations with my teacher IN my head. I know it's not real , it's not like i'm schizophrenic or something. But I close my eyes and talk to her, like she's there. I'm so pathetic. I hate myself even more when I write this.

Im sorry if I annoy you. I just feel so lost.

Hey your thread title caught my attention. I'm in a kind of similar but also different situation. I won't go on too,much about myself but I have been completely obsessed with a rockstar for 2 and a half years. I can't say how much he means to me either, he's been my everything, the reason I keep living, the thing that keeps a smile on my face. Deep down I knew he'd never be mine, but if still dreamed about it and kind of convinced myself he knew who I was form messages I leave him and that maybe he secretly loves me too. Yeah, I'm crazy.

Anyway, that's just a little background. I've had some negative comments from other fans about how I go on I towards him and that I need to seperate my fantasies from reality. So I've just started working on that. I have to do it myself though, I've never told my doctors about any if this. One thing I've been doing is filling my day and my thoughts with other things. It's hard when I'm so used to thinking about him 24/7 but I try do other things I enjoy, like read and watch DVDs and youtube videos and stuff, just think about those things instead of him. I mean it had got to the stage where I couldn't even read cos I'd have to keep stopping to think about him.

I hope this might be helpful to understand the why behind all this, for both of us. You say you've been let down before? Well I know for me, the reason I've latched onto him is precisely because he's just a fantasy. I c an imagine I whatever I like about him, imagine him as the perfect guy who is crazy in love with me. Also I know that he can never personally reject me, cos he doesn't actually know me (of course if he did he would love me!) I joke about that but I still hope..

So I was thinking, maybe in your situation, even though you know her, you only knew her as a teacher, so not really personally or as who she really is. Cos she'd put on a teacher persona like. I just wonder if the same kind of thing is going on for you? Also she can't personally reject you for you, because she is in a position of authority so that stops her from being with you anyway, so you don't have to take it personally.

Maybe because you've been let down before, she fills a kind of void in your life? I know this guy has for me. It becomes dangerous when,you start feeling so bad about it to consider suicide, and that obviously worries me. I have thought a few times what's the point in living if I can't have the one person I love? I just hope one day, hopefully soon, you will find someone you can be with and who will love you for you , and that's you'll be happy. There are always more people out there, I know it must hurt you can't have her but she doesn't have to be the only one you'll ever love. I hope I haven't offended or said anything wrong here, I just want to help. I'm going to read back over your posts now to see if I can add anything more. The most important person here is you and your happiness. Take care.

I don't think it's sick or you're crazy or anything, I think you are lacking something in your life and like I said this obsession is filling a void for you. I also imagine scenarios with "my" guy in my head, like just lying together talking and kissing. He has taken my mind off a lot of bad stuff and that's a good thing, but i know when he meets someone I am going to be so crushed. I'm a lot older than you (and even him lol) as well, so it's really kind of strange in my case.

Hey bebrave thank you so much for your honest answer. I did not know that there were more people who have this. Do you try to stop and feed the obsession? I try to do it right now. I am just so done with it and i just want it to be over.

You're welcome. To be honest, I have always been like this. From since I was about 12 I can remember getting obsessed with guys, sometime I didn't even know these guys personally, and friends complaining that they were all I ever talked about. Ive thought about it a lot and I think it was cos I was so shy and insecure in myself socially, that I became obsessed with guys and it gave me something to think and talk about and in a way kind of defined me. I was the girl obsessed with whoever. I went from one obsession to another all my life, I always thought I was madly in love and would never get over it. Until the next person came along. I don't really know what is wrong with me. I have seen threads on other sites about other people getting obsessed with people, so it's not just us. Also, with me, if it's not a person it's a thing, a musical, tv show, website etc. I don't really know why I do this, I guess maybe it takes my mind off all the bad stuff for a while. Whether it's healthy or not I really don't know. I can defintely say I've made some bad decisions based on these obsessions that I won't go into but yeah. It's hard to find a balance sometimes. I'm trying to stop feeding the obsession now too, by not following every little thing he and is band do. I've changed my profile pics and usernames on my pages away from him (I had my name and his surname as my username..) I'm thinking about taking my posters down so I won't have the constant reminder. I've so many it would take too long though! I'll always love him but I do need to calm down. Like I said, concentrating on other things, whether it be reading or something has helped so far. I just think I was a bit deluded but I do get like that. I'm here if you need to talk anymore, anytime. Just try not to make yourself feel worse over it, I'm sure there is a reason behind it and it doesn't make you a bad person. The important thing is your health and happiness, and if it's upsetting you that much then that's obviously not good. Please take care of yourself.

Thank you love! Its great that you try to stop feeding your obsession. I can really relate to your story. Today is day 1 and i am going to distract myself every time i think of her. At the end of the day i will write how it goes.

Have a rubber band around your wrist every time you think about her snap it , soon it will hurt and you might stop thinking about her .

thank you for your answer, but i like pain and i have self injury problems so i don't think that will work for me..

ok well then yeah that wont work , sorry
You have to keep your mind on other things , find a hobbie or something you enjoy . Music playing ? Art ?
Something

Hey Elin .

Your post sends chills down my spine because it is almost exactly the same thing that happened to me!

I have the exact feelings you have for your teacher for a girl that used to be in my class at university. Three years have gone by already and I'm still depressed about it. I love her too, always will, and I don't know what to do. The worst thing is, two years ago I told her I feel like this and she now hates me, goes out of her way to ignore me and send me "the message" to stay out of her life loud and clear. Hurts like hell. I also find it impossible to think of her in a bad way or hate her, and I also read that advice on the web. I wish I could and that I could just forget about her, even that I never met her in my life, but I did, and I love her.

I can definitely identify with the obsessions over things and sometimes people. Those might actually be traits of Asperger's syndrome (which I have). Did you perhaps consider doing a test for ASD?

What does thinking about the person you're obsessed with allow you to avoid? By thinking about this person all the time, you don't have time to think about anything else. What is it you're avoiding and don't want to think about?

I'm sorry that happened stbguy. I know you won't believe it but she doesn't deserve you if she acted that way just because you had feelings for her. I haven't been tested for aspergers but I already have enough mental illness' without adding another one lol. I know it's not funny but I have to laugh or I'd cry. I think I have everything I read about anyway, the latest being histrionic personality disorder. It's scarily accurate description of me, but then so is everything else I read about.

Vossie42, interesting question. I guess I'm avoiding thinking about hurting myself. I did it for years (both self harm and starving) but I haven't done it once since I first saw this guy. I don't even know what it is about him, I mean I see lots of hot celebrities online, but I just get this warm fuzzy feeling inside when I see or think about him. It was love at first sight which never happens to me. He literally had the most beautiful smile in the world, it's the one thing everyone says about him, it was the second thing I ever said about him "I love him, his smile is beautlful" maybe I should stop, I could go on and on about how perfect he "seems" I put those quotation marks since I don't actually know him and of course he's gonna make himself seem perfect so he'll have fans buy the music. I'm not completely stupid either, I do know he has a public image which may not be how he is really. It's just nice to dream. And he does talk too much for my liking, I'd have a headache listening to him lol.

About not feeding it, yeah tonight I was at a show and still couldn't stop thinking of him. I kept picturing that smile, that damn smile that melts my heart. I don't know, I'm sorry for hijacking the thread going on about him. How are you doing elin95?

Btw is there a hide box button on here? Just so I could hide when I go on and on, to make it easier if people don't want to read it lol. The irony is that I complain about him talking too much..lol. I don't talk much in real life but online I can't seem to shut up!