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#1
Past: Person A. acts dumb and helpless to transfer responsibilites to you, to get attention, or as some kind of a manipulative tactic. She texts you during work hours and harass you for every little information that she could easily find on her own by looking it up on the Internet. Wishing to be no longer bothered, you refer her to the website that she already knows to get that information, and she gets mad at you for "insulting her intelligence." But if she is so competent, why play dumb and helpless?
[I think this is more about her not liking the fact that I will no longer "cater" to her demands. I am also at fault here for enabling her for so long when I should have said from the beginning, "Don't bother me at work. Look it up yourself."] Recent: One day, you come late to a big family function and see her grab a new soon to be in-law, and have a conversation with her. You can see from the gesture that they are talking about the ring on this soon-to-be in-law's finger. When Person A. realizes that you are there ten minutes later, she says "Hi" and asks, "Do you know who S.'s new fiancee is? Is she here yet?" like she has no idea. [I didn't confront her for pretending to not know the information she already knew because I didn't want any drama.] What would you have done at that point? Last edited by Anonymous43949; Jan 30, 2019 at 02:03 PM.. Reason: misspelling |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#2
I'd just avoid her if you feel this way about her, ennie. Is that possible? Perhaps you could try to talk to her about this and see how it goes from there, if you haven't already. Make her understand how this is bothering you. I'm so sorry, people like this can be very annoying. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Anonymous43949
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#3
Yes. I avoid her now as much as possible. I don't like bumping into her at family functions but am relieved that she cannot bother me at the capacity that she did before. I still can't believe myself for actually catering to her ridiculous demands before, not realizing that behind that helpless mask to buy my sympathy, were her self-serving motives. As far as her acting dumb recently (after I distanced myself from her), I don't know what benefit she was hoping to gain from pretending not to know. I mean, her acting dumb will not make me consider resuming regular communication with her. Only her acting healthy would make me consider that.
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Magnate
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#4
to be honest, why let these things take up enough energy to write a post about? I mean you handled things in a way that seems appropriate in both situations and they are gone. Are you asking for validation that you don't like the behavior of these other people? As mickey said, avoid these people whenever possible and keep things concise and to the point when you're forced to interact. Idk what else can be done, some people are fake, others aren't. some people are pretentious etc.. deceptive and such. worry more about those that matter in your life not the inconsequential people that you're forced to be involved with from time to time.
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Anonymous43949
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#5
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Open Eyes, s4ndm4n2006
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#6
If you are busy at work, then the easiest way is to not respond until work day is over. I don’t think it’s necessary to even tell her not to bother you. Just don’t respond.
As about asking about fiancée, I don’t see any reason to make a big deal about it. She might be just making small talk conversations. Or she really isn’t that smart. Ton of people have below average intelligence (I try to avoid calling them dumb but I think that’s what you mean), there is nothing that you need to do about it. It’s just what it is |
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healingme4me
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#7
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LMGTFY __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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AspiringAuthor, healingme4me
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#8
“[I think this is more about her not liking the fact that I will no longer "cater" to her demands. I am also at fault here for enabling her for so long when I should have said from the beginning, "Don't bother me at work. Look it up yourself."]”
^This We get into a toxic pattern with people and then when we try to stop, we lose the relationship. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#9
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AspiringAuthor
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#10
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Last edited by Anonymous43949; Jan 31, 2019 at 01:06 PM.. Reason: add smile |
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#11
I take it this is a family member? Family can be hard because we can't always cut them out of our lives completely.
I started putting my cell phone on silent at work. I can check messages at lunch and after work. |
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AspiringAuthor, healingme4me
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#12
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#13
Yes. A distant relative on my father's side of the family. Thanks for the great tip.
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#14
I would treat them exactly how the act, like an idiot.
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s4ndm4n2006
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__________________ Bipolar I w/Psychotic features Zyprexa Zydis 5 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Melatonin 10 mg Levoxyl 75 mcg (because I took Lithium in the past) past medications: Depakote, Lamictal, Lithium, Seroquel, Trazodone, Risperdal, Cogentin, Remerol, Prozac, Amitriptyline, Ambien, Lorazepam, Klonopin, Saphris, Trileptal, Clozapine and Clozapine+Wellbutrin, Topamax |
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#16
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Great to keep as future references (Thank you!) in an event a situation like this arises again (even with someone else). I always get fresh insights on PC. |
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AspiringAuthor
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#17
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P.S. I have worked with a homeless woman who really didn't have the skills to use the Internet on her Obama phone, and she was truly appreciative that I showed her. I consider this homeless woman to be a very smart person, because she is smart enough to pursue skills that she needs, and not waste her time or my time by pretending not to know something she already knows. Last edited by Anonymous43949; Feb 01, 2019 at 12:35 PM.. Reason: add smile |
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AspiringAuthor
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#18
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the difference between intelligence and wisdom. I would consider the person you are talking about was wise, even if not necessarily smart about technology but wise enough to know if you don't know, you need to rely on others and wise enough to respect them for giving you the info. |
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Anonymous43949
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#19
I am practicing two things. Saying “I don’t know” to people who demand information or answers... especially people who do not reciprocate if I need something... and not responding at all. This is hard for me because I like to be a helpful person. It’s a boundary setting issue and I’m not good at it but I’m working to do better.
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Anonymous43949, Open Eyes
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healingme4me, Open Eyes
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#20
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