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Old 03-13-2018, 01:47 AM #11
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Thanks everyone for your responses. I sincerely appreciate that you all have taken the time to read my post and give me your thoughts. Here's my reaction:

So I didn't go back to the store. I'll be honest though that I remain confused by the different opinions I've gotten here. I understand how uncomfortable it must be for women to receive unwanted advances while they're working. I hate the idea of making someone feel uncomfortable, which is why I haven't returned to the store. And yet, I'm not sure if I agree that it's completely inappropriate to express romantic interest in an employee at work. Or idk maybe it is, but it's just frustrating, because it's so hard to meet people and this feels like yet another possible avenue being shut down. I certainly understand the complications in dating coworkers (and especially the ethical issues in dating subordinates), which is why I have avoided any of that. But if we add all on-the-clock employees to the list of the undateable, what's left? Well yes, there are dating apps, but I have not had luck with those so far. There are bars, which make me extremely anxious and uncomfortable. Sometimes I will see a woman at a coffee shop or something that I find attractive, but I never approach them, because I know that they didn't come there to be bothered. I honestly don't understand how people meet each other and form relationships. What with my social anxiety and the limited number of appropriate situations to approach women, it's hard to feel very hopeful that my luck will change.
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Old 03-13-2018, 03:02 AM #12
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

When I go to work I do so not just to work but also to form friendships and relationships, I don't mean sexual ones necessarily (in my case that isn't a factor anyway) - just relationships, connections between human beings. If work really was just about work it would be a very sad soulless place, maybe that's how capitalists would want it to be but not me. It's about quality of life. So let's reframe this, it doesn't have to be about 'asking someone out' (I despise that phrase 'hitting on' someone - so aggressive sounding). How about offering to be someone's friend, or at least taking some time to get to know them? After all this is at the moment only based on looks anyway, go beyond that. If they like you then it could go further but then that is their choice, not being put on the spot.
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Old 03-13-2018, 07:50 AM #13
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You're saying you're alone. Getting the whole package relationship-wise is a challenge, but what would be easier is to start with something smaller - friendship
 
Old 03-13-2018, 02:28 PM #14
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by randomuser101 View Post
Thanks everyone for your responses. I sincerely appreciate that you all have taken the time to read my post and give me your thoughts. Here's my reaction:

So I didn't go back to the store. I'll be honest though that I remain confused by the different opinions I've gotten here. I understand how uncomfortable it must be for women to receive unwanted advances while they're working. I hate the idea of making someone feel uncomfortable, which is why I haven't returned to the store. And yet, I'm not sure if I agree that it's completely inappropriate to express romantic interest in an employee at work. Or idk maybe it is, but it's just frustrating, because it's so hard to meet people and this feels like yet another possible avenue being shut down. I certainly understand the complications in dating coworkers (and especially the ethical issues in dating subordinates), which is why I have avoided any of that. But if we add all on-the-clock employees to the list of the undateable, what's left? Well yes, there are dating apps, but I have not had luck with those so far. There are bars, which make me extremely anxious and uncomfortable. Sometimes I will see a woman at a coffee shop or something that I find attractive, but I never approach them, because I know that they didn't come there to be bothered. I honestly don't understand how people meet each other and form relationships. What with my social anxiety and the limited number of appropriate situations to approach women, it's hard to feel very hopeful that my luck will change.
You have a very insightful and logical mind! I have to say, I was a bit taken aback at some of the comments as well. As a woman, I have NEVER felt insulted, appalled or uncomfortable if someone complimented, talked to me, or even asked me out when working. I took it as an absolute compliment!! I think the #MeToo movement has skewed society's views about what is acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to relations between women and men. Again this is my personal opinion, but I feel that if we eliminate certain avenues of approaching, even hitting on people in REAL life and become slaves to digital forms of finding a mate, (dating apps, etc), we completely take out the HUMAN element of courting and wooing someone.

I think you should ABSOLUTELY go back and at least strike up a conversation with her, I mean if you gage how she responds, (positively and then you make your move, or negatively you take the hint and leave her alone no harm no foul), and then at least you can learn from the experience. I think this whole "oversensitivity" thing has gotten WAY out of control, but again that's MY personal opinion of it, and I am ABSOLUTELY 100% entitled to it.

So, good luck!
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Old 03-13-2018, 06:28 PM #15
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

This just touches upon how difficult it is for men. If they take no action, they get no attention at all from woman. If they want to take action, they have to do so within these large number of constraints. If you are awkward, you magically have to stop being awkward, before you take action. If it is not the proper setting, you are not allowed to take action. Etc etc.

And I don't really blame woman for it because the facts are that there are many horrible men who ruin it for everyone. And somehow woman gravitate to those men, putting once more more demands on all men.

This is the stupid thing about romance in general. It is fundamentally unfair.
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Old 03-13-2018, 10:19 PM #16
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No woman is being ' too sensitive ' to say she doesn't want to be approached at her job. That kind of talk is part of the problem. If individual woman love it, then enjoy.
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Old 03-13-2018, 10:23 PM #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyShadow View Post
You have a very insightful and logical mind! I have to say, I was a bit taken aback at some of the comments as well. As a woman, I have NEVER felt insulted, appalled or uncomfortable if someone complimented, talked to me, or even asked me out when working. I took it as an absolute compliment!! I think the #MeToo movement has skewed society's views about what is acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to relations between women and men. Again this is my personal opinion, but I feel that if we eliminate certain avenues of approaching, even hitting on people in REAL life and become slaves to digital forms of finding a mate, (dating apps, etc), we completely take out the HUMAN element of courting and wooing someone.

I think you should ABSOLUTELY go back and at least strike up a conversation with her, I mean if you gage how she responds, (positively and then you make your move, or negatively you take the hint and leave her alone no harm no foul), and then at least you can learn from the experience. I think this whole "oversensitivity" thing has gotten WAY out of control, but again that's MY personal opinion of it, and I am ABSOLUTELY 100% entitled to it.

So, good luck!
I appreciate this response...I may go back this weekend, we'll see. If I do, I will take your advice and attempt to politely engage her in conversation. I think I'm pretty good at reading social cues, so I will leave her alone if she's not interested. Thanks for your kindness and encouragement.
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Old 03-13-2018, 10:31 PM #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Talthybius View Post
This just touches upon how difficult it is for men. If they take no action, they get no attention at all from woman. If they want to take action, they have to do so within these large number of constraints. If you are awkward, you magically have to stop being awkward, before you take action. If it is not the proper setting, you are not allowed to take action. Etc etc.

And I don't really blame woman for it because the facts are that there are many horrible men who ruin it for everyone. And somehow woman gravitate to those men, putting once more more demands on all men.

This is the stupid thing about romance in general. It is fundamentally unfair.
You have very successfully voiced my own frustrations. And like you say, it's not women's fault. These are just hard situations and sometimes it feels good to vent a little bit.
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Old 03-16-2018, 09:14 AM #19
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Slightly different story, but I used to frequent a grocery store where a man apparently had the same schedule as mine (when it was not crowded). He would smile and say hi if we happened to pass by the same aisle. I got the impression he liked me as he was very friendly in his greeting and heíd pass by me more than one time.

I was in a relationship and obviously unavailable, but Iím considered attractive so his friendly nature wasnít creepy or surprising. After a few months, I was loading my groceries in my car and he approached me. He said, ďI promise Iím not trying to creep you out, but I think youíre beautiful and I love your smile. I donít know if youíre single, but if you are...I would love to take you out to dinner sometime.Ē

I told him I was flattered and thanked him for the invitation, but I was in a committed relationship. So, I basically said no. I think he was a bit disappointed and said he was sorry if was too forward....I said no problem, itís fine, and to have a great day. And that was it. We both went our separate ways.

I rarely ran into him after that, but I would have said hello if we ran into each other.

So, I just wanted to give you an example. Being a candy store is smaller, Iíd recommend asking this girl out sooner. The guy I referred to waited a couple of months, but we were in a big store. It took me awhile to catch on he was interested in me, possibly. He didnít ďcheck me outĒ in a voyeuristic way (that is creepy)...just a genuine smile and eye contact.

Good luck!
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Old 03-16-2018, 09:41 AM #20
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by randomuser101 View Post
Thanks everyone for your responses. I sincerely appreciate that you all have taken the time to read my post and give me your thoughts. Here's my reaction:

So I didn't go back to the store. I'll be honest though that I remain confused by the different opinions I've gotten here. I understand how uncomfortable it must be for women to receive unwanted advances while they're working. I hate the idea of making someone feel uncomfortable, which is why I haven't returned to the store. And yet, I'm not sure if I agree that it's completely inappropriate to express romantic interest in an employee at work. Or idk maybe it is, but it's just frustrating, because it's so hard to meet people and this feels like yet another possible avenue being shut down. I certainly understand the complications in dating coworkers (and especially the ethical issues in dating subordinates), which is why I have avoided any of that. But if we add all on-the-clock employees to the list of the undateable, what's left? Well yes, there are dating apps, but I have not had luck with those so far. There are bars, which make me extremely anxious and uncomfortable. Sometimes I will see a woman at a coffee shop or something that I find attractive, but I never approach them, because I know that they didn't come there to be bothered. I honestly don't understand how people meet each other and form relationships. What with my social anxiety and the limited number of appropriate situations to approach women, it's hard to feel very hopeful that my luck will change.
At the hospital, coworkers date all. the. TIME. I have had many nurse colleagues date other nurses, techs, even physicians and PAs/NPs (less common than you think) and even marry them. I, for one, see nothing unusual about workplace romance. I just choose for my own reasons not to participate.

As for the other points, I think it is all in the approach, because you are right. Outside of mutual activities which grow less as we get older, how do people meet each other, besides dating apps? I donít see a problem with approaching someone at work, or at a coffee shop. But there is definitely a creepy way and a non-creepy way to do it. Iím sorry I canít give examples.

One of my long-time colleagues is a nurse whom Iíve worked with in a few different ERs, and sheís been an ER nurse for over 20 years. She met her husband because he approached her at work. He was the friend of her patient, and as they were leaving, asked for her number. Their daughter is graduated from high school by now. Anyway...Iím saying...not totally inappropriate.
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