Pretty girl in a candy shop

To me, there's a difference between hitting on someone who is sitting there drinking coffee, a fellow customer, and hitting on the barista. The fellow customer can tell you they are not interested. He/she can choose to get coffee somewhere else. The worker is a captive audience. They have to be nice and can't really do anything to escape. In some situations, customers interpret a worker being nice because they have to be as flirting. Not in the OP's situation, though, since he did not talk to her.

For me personally, I hated getting hit on at work by customers. Getting hit on in general got old. Now I'm old and fat and don't have to worry about it. Hopefully the girl in the candy shop is more like the people who welcome advances at work and less like me Good luck!

5 Times When You Shouldn't Approach Women - Paging Dr. NerdLove

Helpful article for guys to understand how to approach women (and when not to).

So Much BS over simple flirting incident. Many Bored People.. Ha Ha

I'm gonna be honest. These people telling you to leave her alone because women don't wanna be approached, they probably have an image of you in their head as some unattractive awkward guy that they personally would never want to be approached by, so they are imagining she also doesn't want you coming near her. Basically they are making assumptions about you and about her. If you had a picture of yourself posted and you were one of those young looking cute guys, many of them would be telling you to go for it. And if you also revealed she is an older women, they probably be would be telling you that it will make her day.

Why is it helpful?

No, you are mistaken. Many (if not most) women do not want to be hit on at work by strangers. It happens ALL THE TIME and women have to smile and be polite and find a safe way of saying “no” without alienating the customer. It’s the bane of so many women’s existence— especially pretty young women who get hit on constantly. It does not make a woman’s day; it becomes yet another sucky thing she has to deal with. I have a large group of female friends (pretty, 20s-30s, all educated with good jobs) and not one of them like getting hit on. When we go out, we have actually played a game where we started counting how many times some random guy would try to hit on us, thinking they were going to make our day. Gross.

unbelievable 26 negative responses to a causal flirting story

I think that if the guy hitting on them was under 21 and really cute and youthful looking, most of them would feel flattered and would like it. I bet that in the situations you are talking about, it's not this type of guy hitting on them. Maybe some women won't, but that's just some women. If the guy is average and not super young, however, I think most would not like it. So IMO, it is less about getting hit on and more about not being attracted to the guy.

It’s good to follow basic guidelines. Men hit on me (well hit significantly less with age lol) in all kind of situations. Yes it could be annoying and creepy but who knows.

My dad approached my mom on the street. Just randomly. Was convinced she was the one for him. She was creeped out at first. The rest is history. me and my brother are in our early 50s and my parents are still together. So I guess you never know

Why are you stirring the pot? People here are allowed to have an opinion, positive or negative. You are as well, but my suggestion would be, instead of tossing in comments which are only meant to provoke people, make your own thread talking about why you feel the negative comments are wrong

Personally, I’m neutral on the subject. I’ve known people who’ve met their SO at their job and it worked out well. But, I’ve also been hit on many times at my job and find it annoying as hell because I am a captive audience. Sometimes for days, if it’s my patient.

Let people talk it out. That’s what PC is for.

I think it's important to learn to understand other people's body language. There are no rules with this kind of thing, everyone is different, just please, notice other people's body language and try to think about what they may be feeling.

I didn’t see anyone mentioning difference between good looking guys or unattractive ones approaching women. No one mentioned age either

Nobody mentioned It, that's why I did. I am pointing out a fact that everyone is ignoring.

Wow, I had no idea how much conversation I would generate with my post! I'll give you guys a little update:

I discussed this with my therapist. He encouraged me to go back to the shop and talk to the girl and even ask her out if I felt comfortable, which is exactly what I did. I made some small talk with her in the store and after she had finished my transaction, I asked her if she would like to get a cup of coffee sometime. She informed me that she had a boyfriend. I said ok, wished her a good night, and left the store. Yes, it felt very awkward and she probably felt a bit uncomfortable (I know I did). But I honestly don't believe that what I did was inappropriate. It was the most forward I have ever been, but at least now I have my answer and I can move on.

Men who do not respect a woman’s right to be left alone will respect the suggested presence of another male.

The problem with this passage is that the interaction is all about you. She was made uncomfortable but the main thing is that you took a new step in the social arena and have your answer and can move on.

and smile

(((randomuser))), good for you that you got up the courage and decided to go back and "try" to step up and ask this girl out. Honestly, it's allowing yourself to simply learn how to actually take the next step and even if it did not end up with you having a date, you still allowed yourself to step up and "try". One can't learn to swim unless one at least gets in the water.

Maybe those of you suggesting this is innapropriate should come up with some better suggestions on how the OP can meet women or be more social. Unless of course you're also against that.

I don't think your criticisms are fair. I did respect her right to be left alone. As soon as she made clear that she wasn't interested, I said goodnight and left her alone. I will not ask her out again, nor make any attempts to flirt with her in the future.

If she felt uncomfortable, it was due to the awkwardness of the situation, not any inappropriate behavior coming from me. All I did was talk to her. I didn't touch her, I didn't make any crude remarks, etc. I even made sure to ask her out only when there weren't any other customers nearby, so as to make it less awkward.

My whole life, I have avoided talking to girls and as a result, I have been very lonely for a long time. If I don't start being proactive, I'll never find a girlfriend. I've tried to take into consideration all of the responses in this thread, but honestly some of it is kind of hurtful. This notion that I somehow disrespected this girl by asking her out is simply not the case. Social anxiety is an incredibly daunting obstacle in life and being shamed for asserting myself is not helpful. I'm sure that some will disagree with this, but I'm just being honest about how I feel.

This will be my final post on this thread as I feel that the issue has been exhausted by this point.

I completely respect this. OP has a well-presented argument. Unfortunately, no offense, one of the issues with PC is that some threads tend to devolve into attacking the OP rather than helping. No shade intended, but I wonder why this is?