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Old 03-17-2018, 03:23 AM #11
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

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Originally Posted by TheSadGirl View Post
Can you be friends with someone who has drastically different opinions, morals or values from your own?

I am an opinionated loud mouth. I will say what I believe, un-apologetically, while not ramming it down peoples throats. I'm always up for a solid debate and my friends know this about me. I have friends of different faiths, from different countries, different political views, etc and I love the diversity. I guess as an example: I am agnostic. I would NEVER tell someone their religion is wrong, but I would be open to discussion/debate/etc if the other person was too. Just because I have a strong opinion, that doesn't mean I'm right.

So what's the problem? Well a friend last night revealed that he is a homophobic white supremacist. I really like him as a person, but this made me want to puke. It directly conflicts with my own beliefs and I feel VERY strongly about it.

So where do you draw the line between being tolerant of views that don't match your own and kicking people to the curb? I'm not asking for opinions on the above specific situation. I just want to know where your limit is.
They say "blood is thicker than water" (A song I really like ) and this is why--if a friend or acquaintence was saying this I would likely not want to take time to be friends. If it was a new development in a long friendship, I might stand back and wait it out. In the case of family, there are times (like the holidays) that you just have to tolerate it.

I also want to mention that I have seen cases where young people (middleschool ages come to mind) try out different POVs (it seems like a sort of rebellion of how they were raised) but then after a few years, they leave it all behind. So sometimes it can be appropriate to "tolerate" a POV for a while and see if the family member truly, deep down inside are what they are professing to be or if they are just exploring/experimenting in order to find their place in the world. Of course, you take the time to tell them why you think their POV is wrong but usually, you cannot change someone's mind in the short term about beliefs like these.
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Old 03-17-2018, 06:00 AM #12
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

I think family and friends is a different thing. I am not sure why itís being compared.

This is likely not a life time best friend either, otherwise OP would already know his extreme views.
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Old 03-17-2018, 06:15 AM #13
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
You might want to look at it in terms of "economy costs". You can spend some time with Friend A, or you can spend some time with Friend B. You have to make a choice, one or the other. Your time IS limited. Which would you rather? What augments you? What doesnt?
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I think family and friends is a different thing. I am not sure why itís being compared.

This is likely not a life time best friend either, otherwise OP would already know his extreme views.
Perhaps -- in that case, I agree with unaluna POV. As an adult, friendships are usually not that convenient so why waste your time?
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Old 03-17-2018, 06:23 AM #14
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

"It's a no from me" - Simon Cowell
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Old 03-17-2018, 06:41 AM #15
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

The moral compass of a person and their veracity to follow it is the main trait I look for in a friend.

Why would you want to be friends with a deplorable? Sure, they need our help and kindness so they can get reprimanded, and hopefully eventually cured. But on equal footing friends?
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:22 AM #16
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

I made friends with someone at work because work demanded it. He was spiritual and it made him stuck in his ways. He didn't agree with some things about myself but we found a common ground. He was very smart and he thought he was more mature than I was (which was probably true). It's still awkward to think about.
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Old 03-17-2018, 01:07 PM #17
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Originally Posted by cool09 View Post
I made friends with someone at work because work demanded it. He was spiritual and it made him stuck in his ways. He didn't agree with some things about myself but we found a common ground. He was very smart and he thought he was more mature than I was (which was probably true). It's still awkward to think about.
What kind of workplace demands you make friends with coworkers? I understand demanding you are courteous and polite, but friends? They canít possibly demand that.
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Old 03-17-2018, 01:10 PM #18
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Perhaps -- in that case, I agree with unaluna POV. As an adult, friendships are usually not that convenient so why waste your time?
True. Friendships could be very important at any age (even if not very convenient). I value my friendships. But I chose who to be friends with. Since like you and unaluna said time is limited, should my precious time be spend with white supremacists and homophobes? Or people with better values?
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Old 03-17-2018, 01:19 PM #19
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

If i donít talk about my differences with someone then i am perfectly fine with being friends with them. Usually the people i disagree with opinion wise i just stick around with to have a good time and thatís it.
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Old 03-18-2018, 07:02 AM #20
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

I can't deal with people who have different morals, values, or political views than me. One of the reason I stopped talking to my mom. It's the reason I married my husband, all of our morals, values and political views line up pretty well. I love volunteering for the campaign I am cause I know I'm around like minded people. I go to the UU Fellowship I go to because I know I'm around like minded people. I can always tell who's gonna turn into the fellowship by the bumper stickers haha. I don't have time to be friends with people that are just gonna make me mad in the end. I will be nice to people and kill people with kindness but that doesn't mean I'm their friend. I might go home and scream afterwards though.
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