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Old 03-18-2018, 01:22 PM #21
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

It's better to be friends with people who accept you for who you are and for what you believe. Why would I be friends with people who reject my beliefs and who treat my opinions as invalid because they disagree with me? That is not friendship.

Otherwise, you surround yourself with fair weather friends and social acquaintances who aren't interested in having a real friendship with you. Why invest in friendships with people who reject you? That doesn't make sense.

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Old 03-18-2018, 02:37 PM #22
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There are different levels of intimacy with friendship as well. I am spiritual but not religious and I do not believe in a god. I am fine having friends with these beliefs, but I won't date someone with those beliefs because it's a fundamental difference for me. It's the reason why eHarmony is totally sucking for me and not sending me any matches: because I won't allow them to send me matches who have those beliefs that are important to them. So it's turning into a complete waste for me. I keep complaining to them and they keep telling me I should change my preference for religious beliefs in a match because I could meet someone I'd never would have considered before. Um, hello, there's a reason why I wouldn't consider them! I watched my mother and father have very different religious beliefs and while it wasn't the sole reason for the violence in our family, it was part of it. I apologize, I digress.

So, if someone has different religious beliefs or political beliefs that me, I am fine with that, it's when their beliefs are to restrict the rights of other or to denigrate women, POC, or other groups that I can't be friends with them. I will be honest that I have trouble being friends with people who have no desire for education either. I don't mean educated, I mean people who seem to enjoy their own ignorance and promote their own ignorant POV KNOWING that it's ignorant. People who believe everything they are told or read without looking into who it's coming from and is that a reliable source....yeah, no patience.

I respect people's beliefs but I find a lot of those beliefs personally offensive, so I tend to not get too close to those people. Lots of people seem nice but then aren't so nice when you find out what they believe and what they stand for (and therefore what they vote for and allow to happen in the world).

So can I be friends with someone whose beliefs are so radically different than my own? I honestly don't know. Most of the time people in that category seem to spew offensive stuff that I don't want to be around, so no.

However, once, I had a client who was a very conservative Christian but he was the sweetest guy. I always think that man, if every Christian was like him, well the world might just be a better place. He was kind, generous, compassionate. He never pushed his religion on me and he was so kind and nice to me. We once had a very personal conversation about me as I was actively dating and he was married and he was giving me dating advice, and he was seriously the most nonjudgmental person I'd ever met. It was so weird to meet someone who was a conservative Christian who was NOT judgmental, because everyone I had known, growing up myself as a conservative Christian, had been so judgmental. So...I'm saying, maybe it's possible, if they are also a tolerant and kind person, that I could be friends with them.

I really think it's on an individual, case-by-base basis.

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Old 03-19-2018, 12:29 PM #23
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

No, I would not be friends with someone who was a homophobic white supremacist. My profession and community service both involve educating people and combatting prejudice so, no, I would not allow someone like that to poison my life or my circle. Not to mention, given their prejudices, they would be actively fighting against me and my rights.
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Old 03-19-2018, 01:47 PM #24
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSadGirl View Post
So what's the problem? Well a friend last night revealed that he is a homophobic white supremacist. I really like him as a person, but this made me want to puke. It directly conflicts with my own beliefs and I feel VERY strongly about it.

I'm not sure if you see this but you say you really like someone as a person yet the names you call him call to question what it is you may like about this person? Not only that, the words you use to describe him don't sound much like you have respect for them, calling them homophobic and white supremacist - both derogatory terms.


I'm not judging here, just stating how you stated what you did says more about how you feel than you let on.


You state you like to debate and tout how you have many friends with differering opinions and values. You point out that you are unapologetic but don't shove things down people's throats which kind of seems contradictory too. But my point is, seems to me you're drawn to people with opposing values and ideologies and I wonder if one thing you enjoy a lot is actually the conflict of ideas and debate.


I personally would seek out more people that you at least agree with on major issues and form friendships that way.


The answer for me is, yes, you can have friends with differing opinions and thoughts but it is typically more of a challenge than with people that you agree with a larger portion of ideas with.
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Old 03-19-2018, 02:31 PM #25
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
I'm not sure if you see this but you say you really like someone as a person yet the names you call him call to question what it is you may like about this person? Not only that, the words you use to describe him don't sound much like you have respect for them, calling them homophobic and white supremacist - both derogatory terms.


I'm not judging here, just stating how you stated what you did says more about how you feel than you let on.


You state you like to debate and tout how you have many friends with differering opinions and values. You point out that you are unapologetic but don't shove things down people's throats which kind of seems contradictory too. But my point is, seems to me you're drawn to people with opposing values and ideologies and I wonder if one thing you enjoy a lot is actually the conflict of ideas and debate.


I personally would seek out more people that you at least agree with on major issues and form friendships that way.


The answer for me is, yes, you can have friends with differing opinions and thoughts but it is typically more of a challenge than with people that you agree with a larger portion of ideas with.
I don’t see how it’s name calling. White supremacy and homophobia isn’t name calling or derogatory names. White suptemacists are people who believe that white race is superior to other races. Homophobia is negative attitudes towards homosexuals. Those are just definitions, not name calling.

If someone says “white race is superior to other races”, then this is “white supremacy” belief. Especially if the person himself identifies as white supremacist.

I don’t see how this is name calling. I am so baffled
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Old 03-19-2018, 02:31 PM #26
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
I'm not sure if you see this but you say you really like someone as a person yet the names you call him call to question what it is you may like about this person? Not only that, the words you use to describe him don't sound much like you have respect for them, calling them homophobic and white supremacist - both derogatory terms.


I'm not judging here, just stating how you stated what you did says more about how you feel than you let on.


You state you like to debate and tout how you have many friends with differering opinions and values. You point out that you are unapologetic but don't shove things down people's throats which kind of seems contradictory too. But my point is, seems to me you're drawn to people with opposing values and ideologies and I wonder if one thing you enjoy a lot is actually the conflict of ideas and debate.


I personally would seek out more people that you at least agree with on major issues and form friendships that way.


The answer for me is, yes, you can have friends with differing opinions and thoughts but it is typically more of a challenge than with people that you agree with a larger portion of ideas with.
Homophobic white supremacist. You're right. He called homosexual people a slur that I refuse to type here. He identified himself as a nazi/aryan. So yes, those are technically MY words, but compared to his I would say they are the same.

Unapologetic = I will not apologize for having views that others don't agree with as they are my own. Don't shove down throats = I don't use every opportunity to tell you what my views are. My facebook feed is not filled with them. I don't bring them up at every conversation. So yes, you can be unapologetic about your views while still not shoving them down peoples throats.

As for enjoying opposing views? Yes, sometimes I do. I want to learn about why other people think the way they do. I was once very conservative and Christian. I'm now liberal and agnostic because I opened my mind to the world and it changed my point of view.

That's why I posted this question. I am forever trying to expand my mind and look at things from different points of view. On that note, thank you for all the opinions. :-)
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Old 03-19-2018, 03:25 PM #27
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

just stating my observations as I see it. Take what you will and ponder them about what I've said or leave it. Just analyzing what has been said here in the thread and sharing my thoughts, if it opens your mind to anything then great, if not, that's ok too.
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Old 03-19-2018, 03:59 PM #28
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“He called homosexual people a slur, he identified himself as Nazi/Aryan”— heck no, he’s not MY friend!
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Old 03-19-2018, 05:11 PM #29
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I became good friends once with someone who did not share my opinions and morals. For example, I would not consider having an abortion, this guy paid for 18 for various girlfriends throughout his life. Needles to say, our relationship was NEVER in any sense sexual and there was never any sexual tensions. Some of the stories he told made me cringe, but others had me laughing my behind off every night I worked with him. I got to see many sides of his personality and saw him as a whole person, good and bad. That friendship helped me to seek the good in people I don't immediately find it in. His bluntness also helped me try to accept some of the times life is extremely unfair.
This man has since passed on, and I will forever remember the laughs. If something drew you to this person as a friend, see if you can find the other dimensions to his personality. I agree with the person who replied that views aren't always static. People can and do change, but not if they aren't around opposing views. Perhaps knowing you can influence him? Perhaps not. As long as this person isn't on a mission to convert you, keep it on a level where you feel comfortable, and can back out of any conversation that makes you squirm.
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Old 03-19-2018, 10:23 PM #30
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

I like to think that I could be friends with anyone who is willing to share a conversation and hear my opinions without getting enraged or defensive and I would try to do the same for them.
What you said reminded me of a video I saw about an old black man who has a collection of white supremacist trinkets because he goes and sits down with the supremacists and engauges them in a calm conversation and listens to their opinions about why they feel and think the way that they do.
Most of the ones he has ever met and spoken with have become his friends and turned away from their racist life styles and when they are ready to throw away all of their racist memorabilia he asks for it so, that he can prove to other people that his method works.
If people would just listen to each other more instead of getting offended so quickly then, maybe more people that are on the wrong track might start to rethink their live's decisions.
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